MIL interfering and spending money (ours) for party

poe.tuesday

I think you should thank her for all her assistance however you feel that the party is spiralling not only with the amount of people but also the cost, you need to tell her that it's not what you want for your anniverary but if she would like a family party that you are more than willing to assist her but you and your OH will be leaving early to celebrate your special day on your own

skyeandeviesmummy

Dont get me started on MIL's from hell. Mine makes the Cruella de Ville look like a fairy godmother!! I would definetly ask your hubbie to have a word with her though. Dont let your anniversary be ruined by her power trip!

andipandi_2

keep it simple,tell MIL to butt out and do your own thing

john.xs

time to book a heavy metal band and see if her hangers on still want to come then!!!!!!!!!

Katie~baby

I would inform her that although you appriciate her interest this is somethig you and oh would like to organise together. If you dont tell her what you feel then you might as well say bye bye to your party and hello to hers!!

Meanymoo

Ok, here's what I reckon you should do: since the party's all booked and many of your friends are coming, I think you should go ahead with it. Your MIL, I suspect, has absolutely no intention of letting you have this party the way you want it, so I say let her do it her way. Your OH is happy with her arrangements, you say? And you still get to see all your friends. I completely understand how frustrating it is that your MIL is behaving this way, but you're not going to be able to change her. I would grit my teeth, smile in thanks at her for all her "help" and vow never to use her place for a party ever again. All the time repeating the mantra "She's a controlling old bat".

I'm sure she will try to control many areas of your life in a similar way, and the only thing you can do is learn from this experience and never give her the opportunity to interfere with your plans again. It's really not worth having a row over it because she will hold it against you and it could cause friction between you and your OH. Enjoy the party, enjoy being the mature adult in this situation, and let her have her way THIS ONCE ONLY!

This advice comes to you after several years fighting small battles with my MIL, who (bless her :rotfl: ) will never understand that I don't want or need my life to be organised by her. Mothers of sons, eh?:rolleyes:

halia

Meanymoo wrote: »

Ok, here's what I reckon you should do: since the party's all booked and many of your friends are coming, I think you should go ahead with it."
Yep theres no way I want to cancel it as I do want my son to meet his relatives, I do want to see my friends, and I do want to celebrate our anniversary

" I would grit my teeth, smile in thanks at her for all her "help" and vow never to use her place for a party ever again. All the time repeating the mantra "She's a controlling old bat"."
I'm actually going for the amused pity thing - she hasn't had the experience I have of doing things like this and she isn't as 'up for it' and laid back so obviusoly the poor thing must be feeling stressed and needing to be in control just like when my toddler wants to chose which shoes to wear.

I'm also planning to 'rebook' the party I want for next year - I wont' tell her about it at all, or DH for that matter until the last minutes then I'll just invite them, then I can stay in control and on budget! So who's up for a beach BBQ summer 2008?

As for the money side of things I'm accepting the fact that our savings will get eaten up by this and I'm trying to cut things back whereever possible.

I've just ordered the bubbly and sod what anyone else wants I ordered cheap cava at a discount from tesco and garnered piggy points and tesco points worth about £25 too. No way am I serving expensive bubbly to people I dont' know! If I can cut back the beer costs too that will help.

Food - I'm going to ignore the suggestion of the expensive ham - if she orders it fine but we're not paying for it - chicken drumsticks are far far cheaper!

Not providing coffee/herbal teas etc etc for people its tea, fruit punch or alchohol during the afternoon. Coffee just adds to the list of things to buy! and herbal teas are bloody pricy.

Now i need ideas for a homemade treasure hunt around the garden as apparantly guests will need entertaining/somthing to do? bit confused about this as I've never been to a party where adult guests couldn't entertian themsleves for 3-4 hours?!?

Errata

I can only suggest you take a cleaver to your MIL and scatter her around the garden - that should grab the guests attention.

pinkshoes

I have an idea. Email a brand new email to your MIL saying:

Dear MIL <name>

Many thanks for all your hard work you've put into this anniversary party. Apologies if I've appeared ungrateful for all your efforts, but I've just been a little stressed with work recently.

As you already know, our budget was £xxx for 40 people, so we're delighted that you're paying for all these extras that we never would have been able to afford on our small budget. I can't begin to thank you enough for your generousity.

Kind Regards


Halia xxxx

That should do the trick! It makes it very clear that you already set your budget, so anything over that amount SHE is paying for. This will have one of two outcomes:

1) She pays for all the extras and you just enjoy it at no extra cost

2) She refuses to pay so has to go and cancel all the extras and you get the party you originally wanted!!

Hope it works out ok!

Clive_Woody

I would suggest registering at MySpace and pretending to be a teenage kid from a school local to your MIL. Then post a message advertising a party at your MIL for the following weekend saying parents away so big house party open to all.