Alone at a Difficult Time

SlimmingSusan

Mojisola wrote: »

Your "children" are adults, aren't they? You aren't responsible for their happiness any more than you are responsible for your mother. At the moment, the most important person in your world should be you.

You need to start doing what is necessary for your well-being.

My children are the light in my life

I'm really not well, things getting worse today

Mojisola

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

My children are the light in my life

I'm really not well, things getting worse today

All this coming to a head is a lot to cope with. Take things gently and be nice to yourself.

What you're hearing on here may be too much to cope with in one big go. Take baby steps and you'll be surprised at the progress you can achieve.

RAS

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

My children are the light in my life

I'm really not well, things getting worse today

Please speak to your GP, CPN or if you have no other support to Samaritans. Today, please.

mountainofdebt

Susan

I think you need to cut yourself some slack.

My way of looking at things is that you see your children being manipulated - I see it as them being bought and if they are happy to 'sell their soul' then that's up to them. There's no such thing a free lunch remember.

What expectations do your children have of you ? Are you being completely honest with them about how you feel?

If you're not then why not - families are supposed to be there for each other ....sometimes its the parent providing the shoulder whereas othertimes it can be the child but remember no one is a mindreader.

If they do know then you need to ask them why they don't help - and if needs be perhaps a little distance is called for until you can deal with their expectations

Molly41

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

Have just spoken to gp on phone, should I have asked her for a support letter for the ESA medical? I have a 'friend' on facebook, never met her, but through a friend of friends, and turns out she does the medicals at the ATOS centre local to me. Had a real go at her last night, as she was posting photos of her holiday. She said just be honest. But the descriptors to describe real mental health issues do not exist- so course you're going to score zero!!!

Have you looked at this website http://www.benefitsandwork.co.uk

if you join and it costs 19 pounds you can download a very helpful guide to the ESA mental health.

Hope this might help.

podperson

Hun, your children are adults and I guess some of them with their own children. Do you really feel that they would have no understanding or comprehension of the fact that sometimes in life we can struggle to cope and need a little bit of help and support from the people who love us - and at least not to end with more responsibility piled on top of us as well. Is it actually their expectations of you or are you possibly just worried that because you're the 'coper' then you don't want them to see you any other way?

You sound like a very caring person and I'm sure that's how you brought up your children. Do they know how you're feeling at the moment? I know I would be heartbroken if my mum was feeling like this and didn't know that I would want to help in any way I could.

Mojisola

podperson wrote: »

You sound like a very caring person and I'm sure that's how you brought up your children. Do they know how you're feeling at the moment? I know I would be heartbroken if my mum was feeling like this and didn't know that I would want to help in any way I could.

As Susan's children are in their Grandmother's thrall, they have probably absorbed her nasty message that their Mum is useless.

tayforth

OP - if you need information on the Samaritans, here's the link: http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

You can call them on 08457 90 90 90 (or there's usually a local number which will be cheaper from your mobile - if you tell me where in the country you are I can look it up for you), or email them at jo@Samaritans.org.

Please don't go through this alone. I turned to the Samaritans when I felt really low and they were absolute angels.

Whether you contact them or not, please keep posting here xxx

SlimmingSusan

Just wanted to thank you all for your advice and support, and update those who do no visit the board I started a thread on today (benefits).

I was due to go for ESA assessment on tuesday, letter arrived on day of funeral, and sent me further down.

Don't know who, this week is a blur, but have been put into esa support group for a year. Which gives me time to recover. Thanks to you all, I really may not have still been here if it had not been for this forum this week.

SlimmingSusan

after the funeral, and the relief of the esa thing am really back down to earth.

Have just rung nhs direct, as am in a mess that there is no let up, just lost dad, now, have mum;s health conditions to deal with.

Nhs direct asked me about bleeding etc?

I'm in a mess again

Something have not mentioned- here goes

Keep it as brief as possible.

Mum decided she would not cope any longer. Lied to me, controlled the situation again. Dad went into what I thought was 'respite; care before Christmas.

He was admitted to hosptal at the end of January, not to be resucitated. Hospital contacted police and social services. Gross negligence/ I happened in 2 days since we saw him. Pressure sores down to bone. Hard to type this.

I;m tearing my hair out. Keep trying to ring police to make sure the investigation does not die with Dad.

There is far more to this than I'm describing or can put in a brief forum post. It's tearing me apart and a big reason did not want him to be cremated