A bit embarrassing but need some advice

mumps

tayforth wrote: »

OMG is this true? That the hospital insists that the father has to be in the delivery room???

The midwives for my third and fourth deliveries definitely felt he should be there. They couldn't understand how I felt, he was happy to be there but respected how I felt but we both got alot of pressure to "conform" to what they saw as the way things should be done. He was around for alot of my labour for number 3, which went on for a long time, but had gone home for a rest and missed the big event. For number 4 I was adamant I wanted to labour alone and they really weren't comfortable with that. I maintained my position and called him when I was ready so he saw the delivery but I laboured alone.

The guy I worked with really didn't want to be there but got alot of pressure and did stay. It ended his marriage.

I don't know how all midwives feel, or all hospital policies, but I am not the only person to have this experience. I know a couple who were told the father should stay as he was there for the fun bit so he should see the pain he caused. Lovely politive start to family life.

mumps

fawd1 wrote: »

No. It is absolutely up to the mother who she wants in the delivery room. The only rule when I had my two (youngest is coming up to 3) was that there should be a maximum of 2 people at the birth.

Your experiece, not mine. You are in a vulnerable position and the experts are telling you who should be there. Not everyone has the confidence to say no, particularly if the father wants to be there. I had trouble with my mother wanting to come in to the delivery and a midwife encouraging me to let her. I can't imagine anything more horrific, well perhaps my daughter wanting me to witness her giving birth.

We are all different, the funny thing is when I had my first I desperately wanted husband to be there and the hospital wouldn't allow it. One local hospital had just started letting dads stay but I was in the slightly more old fashioned one. The ward was madly busy, I was a quiet 18 year old and I found myself alone in a dimly lit room with a midwife occasionally rushing in to see how I was and I found it suited me perfectly. When I had my second my husband was there, just like I had always wanted, and I found it much more difficult. One of the experts advocates dads not being present, I think it is Michel Odent.

chirpychick

AndyPK wrote: »

I'm sure with a 6 month old baby your both knackered.

Shouldn't you wait till the baby is 1 yo before trying for another.

Yes, that's precisely what we have agreed for him to be a year -18 months old before we start trying for another.

neverdespairgirl

fannyadams wrote: »

I know it sounds really silly but with hindsight I wish I'd done this - go to sleep when the baby goes to sleep EVERYTHING ELSE CAN GO HANG.
No you don't need to do the laundry/the cleaning/ the vacuuming/the housework when your little one has gone down for his nap.

My mother told me exactly the same thing when my son was born - as she pointed out, the washing up will still be there later when you wake again (-:

heartbreak_star

Nag him to see the GP. Nobody is ever "keen" - I think most of the time if there's something wrong we don't want to know - and some see it as a sign of weakness.

It's not.

Tell him it would make you happy and give you peace of mind if he saw the doc. FWIW, with my ex-OH I made the appointment, drove him there and frogmarched him to the reception lol!

HBS x

BugglyB

Bazey wrote: »

Buy a dildo.

Its crude but s/he has a point. You need to ease off the pressure. Having long talks about how it makes you feel unattractive and unloved will only add to the problem, now you've said it, just leave it. I would outline to him that you dont intend to carry on the next 30 years without sex, and that he needs to see the doctor within x months. Then, honestly, buy a vibrator.

jenhug

Tropez wrote: »

He's overweight, over 40 and snores... I'd be getting him to see a GP.

It could be that he has sleep apnea which would cause a constant feeling of fatigue and a desire to sleep, particularly for prolonged periods of time. Sleep apnea can also cause erectile dysfunction and/or mess with the libido hence no desire for sex.

I actually know someone who had sleep apnea who could easily "sleep" for 12 hours at a time and it would appear he was fast asleep but he went to the doctor one day due to his wife's complaints, got referred to a sleep clinic and they discovered he was actually "waking up" constantly although not noticeably, hence he never achieved true deep sleep even though he was difficult to rouse from sleep.

THIS! I agree with 100%! I have sleep apnea myself. It is exhausting.

FBaby

custardy wrote: »

I'll be honest
IMO its most likely the weight and his age

And the stress of work and debts, plus as said a sex drive that might never have been huge to start with.

The last thing you need is read more to it than what it might be. Try to focus on these issues, and then see if his sex drive comes back naturally. If indeed stress and tiredness is the main reason, feeling under pressure will only aggravate the issue.

fawd1

mumps wrote: »

Your experiece, not mine. You are in a vulnerable position and the experts are telling you who should be there. Not everyone has the confidence to say no

But not having the confidence to say no isn't the same is it? I was told a maximum of 2 people. My husband was an obvious choice (in fact with number 2 son he was the only one there) but my mum was with me during my first labour, only leaving when I got to delivery stage. The reality is I could have had more people during my delivery, but I said no. It's not that difficult. If you can't say no to how many people can witness one of the most extreme and personal moments of your life, when do you?

Guest101

My opinion: He's a bit messed up with having a child, not in a bad way, but sex may not be in his mind right now. I think after my last son was born we didnt have sex for almost 8 months. Partly through tiredness, partly thorugh sleep patterns, in fact lods of reasons. Didnt see this as a bad thing.

Also he may feel lessened if you say he is infetile, or there abouts anyway. It can lower his libido, not to be a 'true' man, or whatever (its all subjective psychology really)

Just to add on the delivery bit. I made sure i was there, but infact i did almost miss the birth! We were waiting for a check, as there was no movement for 24 hours, so the advice is to go and get seen. GF sent me home to do some washing up whilst she waited, i came back and she was in another room and in labour. But all the delivery rooms were full, it was gone midnight, and they said she'd be a while and i should go home (we did tell them that the last labour was only 60 minutes, but midwives 'know best')

anyway, thankfully a delivery room did become available jsut before i was going to go home. Got GF on the bed and 'comfortable' and before she could have an epidural (not really her fault, she kept being told it would be hours and hours) she was in full blown ready to go mode, and after 3 pushes my son 'shot out' (sorry for the graphic imagery, but he really did, i saw him just flyw out ).

I had to be there, i had to cut the cord (i mean had to for myself). A record 52 minutes.

P.S think she'd kill me if she knew i posted this!