Bit of advice please !!

Confused2013

lazer wrote: »

How do you know your sister in law didn't say the same as you to social services so she is not really getting blamed for something you said.

Jsut out of interested - has the little girl been placed in a suitable home now?

The little girl is with my mother in law, social services fdeclined the application and a judge overruled social services and allowed her to have the little girl.
Don't get me wrong the kids are fed and cleaned but at the same point its not the best environment due to her temper !

But what can you do when that's where they have decided to place her

And thanks again everyone I honestly thought I would have been called all the names under the sun. But as my intentions were good, and I was assured it was confidential then none of this was intentional.

Mojisola

Confused2013 wrote: »

Oh about her smacking the other kids social services believe it or not know about this!
They came and done a spot check due to a neighbour saying she seen them getting smacked !

However kids where at school, when she picked them up she told them that these people where coming to speak to them and if they told them about being smacked, they would be taken away. So kids kept quiet as they were terrified.

Im not saying she is evil just really struggles to cope !

Confused2013 wrote: »

The little girl is with my mother in law, social services declined the application and a judge overruled social services and allowed her to have the little girl.
Don't get me wrong the kids are fed and cleaned but at the same point its not the best environment due to her temper !

That's really shocking!

Dorset82

You wouldnt be doing the right thing if you kept quiet... everyone should be honest and open with their opinions.

HeadAboveWater

Confused2013 wrote: »

Now I was assured this was confidential! needless to say it came out however it didn't come out it was me who had said this. Other members of the family had all said the same but didn't say to social services, I wasn't the only one thinking it.

How do you know they didn't say?

Also, what age is the girl? If she is very young, then I can understand why she'd be scared to speak up herself.

Confused2013

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

How do you know they didn't say?

Also, what age is the girl? If she is very young, then I can understand why she'd be scared to speak up herself.

You know that's true I wouldn't know. My other sister in law who got the blame actually was very vocal, that she didn't think this was a good idea at all.

The child in question is only 1, the other kids are older primary age.

Thanks for your reply

Confused2013

Dorset82 wrote: »

You wouldnt be doing the right thing if you kept quiet... everyone should be honest and open with their opinions.

Yes I know its not the right thing that's why im torn and feel awlful. I don't know if you read the whole post, its not as simple as that.

For one my children would be affected as my husband would more than likely leave me, my sister in law hated my mother in law with a passion so there Is no love lost there. Social services promised me this was confidential, so the trouble that has been caused was in no way shape of form intentional on my part. It does kill me that my mother in law doesn't speak with her son now as he took his partners side, but again they weren't close. My mother in law out of all her children is only close to my husband.

I have been having a long hard think over the last few days and done this to gauge peoples opinions ! I will make a decision on what to do but I need to think long and hard, as I need to consider my kids.

Mojisola

Confused2013 wrote: »

For one my children would be affected as my husband would more than likely leave me, my sister in law hated my mother in law with a passion so there Is no love lost there. Social services promised me this was confidential, so the trouble that has been caused was in no way shape of form intentional on my part. It does kill me that my mother in law doesn't speak with her son now as he took his partners side, but again they weren't close. My mother in law out of all her children is only close to my husband.

I have been having a long hard think over the last few days and done this to gauge peoples opinions ! I will make a decision on what to do but I need to think long and hard, as I need to consider my kids.

Your BIL has behaved like a proper husband should - he stood by his wife.

As you don't know that the other DIL didn't also give MIL a poor report and that your husband would leave you - keeping quiet is probably your best option.

How would you feel if you admitted to your husband that you hadn't given your MIL a glowing report, he left you and then the other DIL said - well, that's nothing compared to what I said about the MIL!

Confused2013

Mojisola wrote: »

Your BIL has behaved like a proper husband should - he stood by his wife.

As you don't know that the other DIL didn't also give MIL a poor report and that your husband would leave you - keeping quiet is probably your best option.

How would you feel if you admitted to your husband that you hadn't given your MIL a glowing report, he left you and then the other DIL said - well, that's nothing compared to what I said about the MIL!

Thank you its good to hear what other people think from neutral point of view ! and your right as she was very vocal so perhaps she did say something.

I have been ill over this but I think I have decided to stay quiet as I don't want any more upset ! you have all been so helpful and I feel a million times better thank you all :j

andy.m_2

Such a shame that you keep quiet and let a relationship fall apart prematurely.
Yes it may fall apart eventually but the reasons are all wrong.

You also don't think very highly of your partner if you think that he would leave you and his children because you don't think his Mother is fit to look after children.

There are deeper issues in each page of this story

jollymummy

A child's safety is the important thing here and you did the right thing, giving your opinion.
But, if I felt my hubby would favour his Mum over me,if I told him what I'd done, I'd probably pack his bags for him. You did what you did to protect a child,if he doesn't see it that way it's not your fault.
It is a difficult situation for you, I hope you sort it out, good luck.