Miserable in new job...

falko89

Valli wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek::eek::(

Oh yes if its raining outside I have done in the past or I just won't eat anything.

Valli

Is there not a designated staff room or break room where you can eat?

Hiding yourself away in a toilet to eat your lunch away from everyone else is not only unhygienic, it's sad, really. You spend a lot of your waking time at work. It's a shame not to be on speaking terms with colleagues.

OP - you do NOT want to go down this route. Take the advice others have posted!

andrewjf

Advice has been given to the OP to make an effort to integrate and talk to the others. That's ok I suppose, but I think it's really poor that the team have not made an effort to make him/her welcome. After all, they have all the confidence, are in a familiar environment and know what they're doing. The newcomer has none of this.
I know exactly what the OP is going through, as I'm not very confident socially. I find it helps if I can connect with at least one person, as I'm not a 'group' person.

But I'm curious as to why the person training the OP felt it necessary to work until 7pm, but the OP can leave at 5.30? Is there not enough work to do?

mountainofdebt

andrewjf wrote: »

Advice has been given to the OP to make an effort to integrate and talk to the others. That's ok I suppose, but I think it's really poor that the team have not made an effort to make him/her welcome. After all, they have all the confidence, are in a familiar environment and know what they're doing. The newcomer has none of this.

But if they were asking her non stop questions she may equally feel as if she's being put on the spot - which could be 100x worse!

andrewjf wrote: »

But I'm curious as to why the person training the OP felt it necessary to work until 7pm, but the OP can leave at 5.30? Is there not enough work to do?

Perhaps he's got loose ends that he needs to finish off before he leaves?

Almo

andrewjf wrote: »

Advice has been given to the OP to make an effort to integrate and talk to the others. That's ok I suppose, but I think it's really poor that the team have not made an effort to make him/her welcome. After all, they have all the confidence, are in a familiar environment and know what they're doing. The newcomer has none of this.

I do agree with you but with the caveat that we only have one side of the story. I know that's always the case on these boards but here the OP has admitted to having social anxiety/shyness so it's possible that her colleagues are acting in a way they think is friendly but she doesn't. Equally they might think she is being stand offish.

Plus, while it would be nice if they had made more of an effort, they haven't, and OP has to work with what she's got.

andrewjf wrote: »

But I'm curious as to why the person training the OP felt it necessary to work until 7pm, but the OP can leave at 5.30? Is there not enough work to do?

I don't find this at all odd. When someone is new in a role and doesn't know how to do everything they evidently can't do 100% of the role. It's perfectly possible that once she is fully up to speed OP will find herself with more work to do (whether that's desirable or not is another issue).

OP, I agree with going in tomorrow and being friendly and having a few questions ready to ask people (not too personal, perhaps, to start with). I'd be a little wary of taking cakes myself, as I think you might stress yourself out with when to produce them/where to put them/what to say (if anything) about them.

A month is not long although I appreciate it probably feels that way! Your colleagues might feel awkward about being too friendly with you while the guy you're replacing is still there, as if they're being disloyal, regardless of whether it's his choice to leave or not.

They might be apprehensive about how the dynamic will change with a new person.

They might be shy themselves.

They might think you're super confident, happy to come in and get on with your own thing without any need to get to know them.

Finally I'd echo those who advise caution about assuming that everyone is a confident, private school educated, rugby playing graduate from Oxbridge. Even if they are it doesn't mean they're not nice, but chances are they don't all fall into those categories anyway.

richdeniro

Thanks for a lot of the advice people - It has given me a lot to think about.

I did try to go in this morning with new confidence and get involved with conversations but its kind of all been undone by the girl sitting diagonally opposite me offering everyone on the table except me some chocolate type sweets so I'm just sitting here feeling pretty low and unwanted but pretending not to be bothered by being engrossed in work.

Dogger69

richdeniro wrote: »

Thanks for a lot of the advice people - It has given me a lot to think about.

I did try to go in this morning with new confidence and get involved with conversations but its kind of all been undone by the girl sitting diagonally opposite me offering everyone on the table except me some chocolate type sweets so I'm just sitting here feeling pretty low and unwanted but pretending not to be bothered by being engrossed in work.

Please don't say you're posting from a works computer? Mobile only whilst you're there

I would be inclined to turn up with your own bag of sweets tomorrow, and offer them to everyone. Make a point of being the good guy.

DKLS

richdeniro wrote: »

Thanks for a lot of the advice people - It has given me a lot to think about.

I did try to go in this morning with new confidence and get involved with conversations but its kind of all been undone by the girl sitting diagonally opposite me offering everyone on the table except me some chocolate type sweets so I'm just sitting here feeling pretty low and unwanted but pretending not to be bothered by being engrossed in work.

Rise above it, it does take time to settle into any new job, whether they are family run, startup, public sector, third sector or corporate, and they all have their own challenges and often challenging individuals.

andrewjf

richdeniro wrote: »

Thanks for a lot of the advice people - It has given me a lot to think about.

I did try to go in this morning with new confidence and get involved with conversations but its kind of all been undone by the girl sitting diagonally opposite me offering everyone on the table except me some chocolate type sweets so I'm just sitting here feeling pretty low and unwanted but pretending not to be bothered by being engrossed in work.

Pretty rude behaviour really from the person with the chocs.
You can try and focus on learning your job, and perform it to a very high standard. Learn all you can from the person who's mentoring you. If you do an excellent job, I think ultimately this will gain you the respect of your colleagues.
I've been in places where I just didn't 'fit in' and was alienated. I decided to get out and find something else. Now I'm in a team where everyone supports each other and is helpful. Feeling isolated can be a real drag, and make you stressed/depressed.

tonyalcock

It is not easy to fit into a already built team, especially when you are the only newbie at this time. Don`t let them make you feel miserable. Most of them ignore you, not because of your personality or because you are introvert, but simply because they don`t know you yet - they have their own themes to talk about, they have their own jokes. Usually in every team, there is a person, who remembers being new and who is ready to help you fit. Just keep calm and go to work.