Miserable in new job...

JoolzS

Are you able to do your job without interaction with other staff? If so, I would suggest keeping your head down and just do your job. Chances are, you aren't the "weirdo" - it's just a strange working environment. It could also be a case of you are "just the temp". I did temp work for years and 90% of the time the people I worked with were lovely, but occasionally I got the "just the temp" attitude where they were unfriendly and, on occasion, deliberately unhelpful.

You say that "They are all obviously extremely well paid and ambitious" so I'm guessing you aren't one of the well paid staff - if so, just do your job and leave at 5.30 (or maybe 6.00, unless it is obvious you are just dragging out your work). If you feel bad about leaving at 5.30, but have done all the work you are supposed to do, then a simple "I'm leaving for the day, unless anyone needs me." comment is always good. If no-one says they need you then you don't have to feel bad about leaving "early".

You may be mistaken about how much they like the guy you are replacing - or it could be that they think he's been fired/replaced/whatever and you are the focus of their disapproval. Once he's gone, things may change very quickly.

I would definitely try to ask them, or management, what the problem is (once your predecessor has gone).

In the meantime, look for a new job. I don't think it's a myth that it is easier to find a job when you already have a job.

I wish I could be more helpful - I have been in your position before and I know how horrible it is to dread going into work. I got lucky and one of my horrible jobs turned into the one where I met my DH and we've been together for more than 20 years now - so I always look back on my bad jobs as being a lead up to meeting him. At the time though, I occasionally wanted to kill every single person I worked with!

inmypocketnottheirs

Come on, brush the chip of your shoulder and get on with it. It sounds a great opportunity to get involved early doors and make an impact.

In today's economy I will get there's thousands who'd give their right arm for your situation.

Time to man up!!

bernsteingirl

Sorry to say this, but the situation is only going to get more awkward - the longer it goes without talking to people, the harder it will be to start conversations. I share your introversion, so I have experienced this! I sympathise.

Unless you enjoy the work you do or are very good at it (and will earn the respect of colleagues that way) I would look for another job!

I recently started a new job and it has been a massive relief to get on with the whole team (about 10) - first time in my life that I have liked everyone and not felt intimidated at work. Previously there have always been individuals who I dreaded making small talk with or being silent alongside, and that feeling was horrible.

For the future I think you need to be brave from the start, do tea rounds from day one, ask questions to get to know everyone, force yourself to make a bit of small talk. That way you've proved you're friendly and approachable from the beginning so if there is any tension, it is probably from their side.

FBaby

I think the only problem is your expectations. 1 month is nothing in terms of enough time to integrate into a team, it is only 20 working days. That especially when the people are not the ones you are used to. That doesn't mean you wouldn't get along with them, in the end, it is not just what people are interested in that makes you get along with them, it's getting to know them better to appreciate them for who they are. It sounds like you are trying to find reasons why you couldn't possibly get along with them rather than the opposite and close yourself to them behind your shyness.

You do need to give it more time, stop being so negative, and try to make some more efforts. Of course, nothing is stopping you looking for other jobs in the meantime, but one month is just way to short to decide that a good job is not worth continuing with because of the people you work with and the idea you build around who they are.

Go back tomorrow and try not to think too much about it. Concentrate on your work and approach colleagues pleasantly when you need to interact. Try to get to know them better and don't come across as desperate for their approval.

DKLS

1 month is nothing especially if your having a handover with the previous chap and please don't forget that confidence can be faked, you have come into a start-up with an existing bonded team, it will take time to settle in, I would give it up to 3 months.

Make yourself valuable to the team do your work diligently, if you have any slack time offer your help, smile and say good morning, if they do tea/coffee runs get involved and make drinks, join in on the friday bacon sarnies or liquid lunch, ask colleagues if they had a good weekend on a monday, the rest of your time keep your head down.

And if all else fails bring doughnuts or even better homemade buns or cake.

theoretica

Another option is to be open about feeling a touch of social anxiety or shyness, call it what you will. Though being somewhat similar myself I know it is hard! Sometimes people are perfectly kind but uninterested or unobservant and need a little prod telling them how to be considerate.

barbarawright

Takes cakes in tomorrow. Think up a reason ('I was at a tea party and there was some stuff at over so I asked if I could take it to the gannets at work'). Something to break the ice. Shy people tend to assume that everyone else is more confident than they really are - it's always hard to talk to new people even if you are the old member of staff.

Valli

There has been some absolutely excellent advice here ^

Only thing I would add is have some 'safe' conversation starters ready, so that when you 'meet up' with a colleague at the coffee machine, washing hands in the washroom, whatever you can start a conversation. If you ask questions then the other person
HAS to answer them so...

eg
I need to pop to the cash machine at lunchtime, where's the nearest one?
ask - about their families; how long they've been there, what they did at the weekend, compliment them on their shoes/bag/clothesfragrance and ask where they bought them...

oh - and smile!

falko89

Hi, I suffer from social anxiety so I know what you're going through totally. I think it is the case we can come across as rude when that is not our intention at all, for what its worth I have been in my job just over a year and I don't fit in either, I eat lunch etc by myself outside or in the loo, I've just gave up trying.

It can also be the case that some companies are just not very friendly, I know mine isn't, if you walk in with a big smile and a "Good Morning" you will definitely be thought of as weird, never mind landing in with cakes etc.

Valli

falko89 wrote: »

I eat lunch etc by myself outside or in the loo,

:eek::eek::eek::eek::(