Miserable in new job...

richdeniro

I have recently started a new job after being unemployed for 12 months aside from a couple of 2-3 week temp roles.

I've been in the new role for a month now and am thoroughly miserable, its all I think about and is consuming my life, I haven't stopped thinking about it since I left work on Friday and am already dreading Monday morning.

The problem is I am naturally a shy, introverted individual - I probably have a mild case of social anxiety disorder as I blush often when attention is on me, dread presentations, etc but it isn't too bad as I have up until now been able to make it through life fairly comfortably... I held a good job down for the past 7 years, I have a wide circle of friends, go out on nights/days out with them, made and had lots of friends in my last workplace, etc. I guess I just come across as quite awkward at first and am better in small environments and it takes a little while to get to know me.

Now finally after a year I have landed a temp-to-perm finance job which I started a month ago. At first I was quite excited as it is with a internet startup type company based in the West End of London which does stuff with youtube and live streaming and I find most tech stuff quite interesting. However I now absolutely hate it and dread going in, it is full of outgoing loud media types and I just don't feel I fit in. At first I wasn't too worried about my lack of interaction with people as I figured because I'm the new person it will take a few days to settle in but it's been a month now and I've barely spoken to anyone. The guy sitting next to me is the company lawyer and hasn't said more than a couple of words to me in the three weeks I've been there, the team I am sat with all engage in conversation but I'm not included in any of it. The girl sat opposite is about my age and I try and smile and catch her eye in the morning to say Good Morning to her but she just ignores me. I suppose it doesn't help that the guy I am replacing is extremely popular in the team, he has been training me this past month and is pretty much the only person who speaks to me and has made an effort to get to know me, his last day is this coming Friday so I am dreading it when he leaves. They just all seem so unfriendly and unwelcoming but I am worried it is just because of my introverted personality.

I just feel like the office weirdo. Not too mention it is nothing like I am used to in terms of pressure, the official hours are 9 to 5.30 but everyone is still sat at their desks til around 7, I sit at my desk for an extra 20-30 minutes but just want to get out... I end up just walking out without saying anything to anyone at a time when everyone is away from their desk. I want to just leave but having been unemployed the best part of a year my savings have taken quite a hit and I feel I need to try and get some more private sector experience on my CV to be able to move on.

Bella73

To be honest I think you have got to push through your natural shyness and start saying good morning to people don't just try and catch their eye and smile.

Offer a coffee or whatever. To be fair they don't sound very friendly but some groups can be like that so you are going to have to try a but harder. I know a month seems like forever but it's quite a short time really. Can you get the chap training you to get you included a bit more?

DCFC79

If Im honest you need to make an effort, say hello to people in the morning, offer to buy them a coffee. If you were to quit how long would you be out of work for if it took you a year to get this job ?

Dunroamin

Rightly or wrongly, nobody likes a clock watcher.

aggypanthus

OP I really feel for you. A month is too soon to give up. I understand your workplace/social probs as I was the same, but a very long time ago. Take your confidence from knowing you were well liked in your last job, so therefore you ARE NOT the office weirdo. they might think its odd if you sneak out though, try to say a casual " right, thats me done, see you tommorow," to at least one person.
Gently elbow your way in, it will settle when the other guy leaves for good.

lulu650

OP, sorry to hear this. Whether you like it or not, introverted people can often come across as aloof or even arrogant. Breaking into an established group can be difficult particularly if there is a pattern of behaviour that you are at odds with.

I still have residual shyness in groups even now I'm older. Although you say you're not included in conversations, it may be that the others are aware how shy you are and don't want to put you in the spotlight by asking questions. It could also just be thoughtlessness rather than plain rudeness.

Can I suggest talking to the guy who is leaving and say that you feel you are not fitting in very well and ask whether it might be because you are not working until 7pm like all the others. If that is an issue then you will need to weigh up the pros and cons of staying there with the extra hours you hadn't considered. He might say if it's something else and/or gee up the others to be more friendly to you.

Incidentally, how do you know that they all stay until 7pm if you go home at 6pm? Also where is everyone when you disappear in the evening? I remember in one job not knowing that everyone went into the staffroom to discuss the day at a certain time. Only found out by chance and some thought I was being deliberately anti-social.

I understand what the previous poster meant by clock watching, but, bloody hell, an extra 1.5 hours per day?? That's an extra working day a week! A very long time since I worked in an office (70s and early 80s) but someone could have got killed in the stampede at 5pm!

richdeniro

lulu650 wrote: »

Incidentally, how do you know that they all stay until 7pm if you go home at 6pm? Also where is everyone when you disappear in the evening? I remember in one job not knowing that everyone went into the staffroom to discuss the day at a certain time. Only found out by chance and some thought I was being deliberately anti-social.

I understand what the previous poster meant by clock watching, but, bloody hell, an extra 1.5 hours per day?? That's an extra working day a week! A very long time since I worked in an office (70s and early 80s) but someone could have got killed in the stampede at 5pm!

I asked the guy who was leaving why nobody leaves at half 5, he said pretty much everyone works long hours and he didn't leave until gone 7 a lot of the time.

I guess being an internet start up they are heavily understaffed and just working to keep the company afloat. They are all obviously extremely well paid and ambitious... probably have stock options in the company too.

That sort of environment isn't for me even if I didn't have the problems with my social anxiety, life's too short. Being an introvert I also need time in the evening to either go to the gym or just relax and recharge rather than get home at 8-9pm and have no time to do anything before bed.

I'm also from a public sector environment whereby I'm used to working with a diverse range of different people. This new workplace everyone is extremely 'together' shall we say and super confident. Not to sound prejudiced but you can just tell everyone has been educated at private schools and been to top universities whereas I am from a pretty working class background. I have always found that in my previous jobs, temp or permanent, I could connect with at least a couple of people through football talk... not a single person in the immediate vicinity of me likes football and are only into things like Rugby and Rowing which I haven't got a clue about.

I've pretty much spent my entire day today searching for jobs in the public and third sector so am hoping currently being in a role rather than unemployed might make it easier to find something else.

ILW

Sounds like the sort of job many would kill for.

szam_

ILW wrote: »

Sounds like the sort of job many would kill for.

That may be the case, but I'm very introverted so i understand where the OP is coming from. Some places just don't sit right at all with introverts; my present job, which strangely enough, i've been there for 3 weeks too, i feel exactly how the OP is feeling, but for slightly different reasons.

@ OP: Stick it out and look elsewhere. A job is a job, and being in one will increase your chances of finding one. Put a bit extra in each day but you are not obligated to stay till 7pm every day, people have lives outside of work. You never know, it may settle down and they may feel more at ease with a new person in the office, and vice versa and it may even become enjoyable.

mountainofdebt

richdeniro wrote: »

I asked the guy who was leaving why nobody leaves at half 5, he said pretty much everyone works long hours and he didn't leave until gone 7 a lot of the time.

I guess being an internet start up they are heavily understaffed and just working to keep the company afloat. They are all obviously extremely well paid and ambitious... probably have stock options in the company too.

That sort of environment isn't for me even if I didn't have the problems with my social anxiety, life's too short. Being an introvert I also need time in the evening to either go to the gym or just relax and recharge rather than get home at 8-9pm and have no time to do anything before bed.

I'm also from a public sector environment whereby I'm used to working with a diverse range of different people. This new workplace everyone is extremely 'together' shall we say and super confident. Not to sound prejudiced but you can just tell everyone has been educated at private schools and been to top universities whereas I am from a pretty working class background. I have always found that in my previous jobs, temp or permanent, I could connect with at least a couple of people through football talk... not a single person in the immediate vicinity of me likes football and are only into things like Rugby and Rowing which I haven't got a clue about.

I've pretty much spent my entire day today searching for jobs in the public and third sector so am hoping currently being in a role rather than unemployed might make it easier to find something else.

Honey - I don't want to be harsh (so please don't take offence) but have you read what you've posted?

How on earth do you know everyone has been to private school / top universities? Because they're confident??? Confidence is not confined to those types of learning establishments you know!

They're confident because they know they can do the job - just as the bosses believed you could do the job because they gave you the job.....if they didn't believe you could do it you wouldn't have got it! And what's to stop you have having shares in the company at some point in the future????

I know what you mean about not having anything in common with your workmates - the people I work with love soaps and reality programmes - I personally would rather tear my own eyeballs out that have to suffer that but that doesn't mean we don't talk about other things - in fact my ignorance over such matters are a constant source of amusement to them!

tbh you're in an odd situation at the moment - the role isn't really yours until the guy training you has gone - I'm guessing that if anyone has any queries they go to him and not you. Wait until he's gone and then they will have to speak to you!!

Oh and I would go to his leaving do as well - perfect opportunity to get to know everyone in a less formal setting

Daedalus

It took me a few months before I started really getting on with people outside of my small team, it just take time. It gets to the point where you are having (pointless) small talk with someone you barely know but see around alot walking up the stairs or in the kitchen making tea. Give it time.