Paperwork everywhere at parents' house

Birdie85

Gosh, it sounds like me. I get it from my Dad; at my parent's house there are letters everywhere, it's a filing nightmare. Some people are organised (like my DH, who reads his mail and destroys it immediately if necessary otherwise files it away somewhere safe) and some are less so (like me, who throws unopened letters in whichever drawer happens to be open at the time as I know what the letter's going to tell me!). To my shame my OH was tidying the other day and made a pile of all my mail that needed to be dealt with, it wasn't small!

Just leave them to it, they'll have been living that way without issue for years so why try to change them? Just tell them that it would be beneficial if they at least have a file with really important stuff in and all account details so they can grab and go in an emergency.

Abbafan1972

Just to clarify, I'm not going to say anything about them dying! Just ask if they want help sorting out their paperwork.

fluffnutter

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Just to clarify, I'm not going to say anything about them dying! Just ask if they want help sorting out their paperwork.

You can offer, they might really appreciate it. But perhaps it's worth remembering they're your parents, not your kids. I think it's a bit sad and disrespectful when parents get on a bit and their kids start rolling their eyes and treating them like idiots. Not suggesting you're doing this for a moment though, OP!

peachyprice

Just because the plies are not in a neat little cupboard doesn't mean they don't know what the piles are for, they probably know exactly where everything is and it works for them. None of your business really if the choose not to file things away.

fluffymuffy

I bought my mother a little filing cabinet and she puts any official looking mail (opened) on top for me to file when I visit.

It's useful to have a 2nd person cast an eye over things. For example, when she switched electric suppliers last year they sent her a final statement with a negative amount. I was able to spot that this meant they had some of her money and was able to pester them to get it back.


Modern life seems to be leading to ever more complex paperwork. Great idea to offer some help, especially if you can see it piling up.

System

If you wade through it and anything goes missing (your fault or theirs) you will get the blame.

shop-to-drop

If it were me I'd offer to help sort out everything into a cabinet. My relationship with my parents is such that they would be thrilled. Offer in a way that makes it clear you are offering and not ordering. It may well be that they just wouldn't know where to start. Chances are though once it's done it won't be kept up without more help from you.

Dunroamin

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Thanks for your replies.

I'm not saying I'm going to go steaming in and sort it all out! I think it's been like this for a long time, there's letters on the mantle in the back room, I didn't realise it was so bad, it was because we were looking for this blessed game!

Thanks for the comment about them looking after my children. It's half term and I have to work (only 3 days). It's a mutual agreement with them and they want to do it. If they didn't want to do it, then I would make other arrangements. But to be honest I shouldn't have to justify myself to you.

FYI, I don't interfere in my Mom's life, but she does interfere in mine a great deal.

We are away this weekend, so I will mention about it when we come back. If she wants my help to sort it all out, then I will, but if not, then I will leave it.

From what I could see the letters were opened, so I don't think there's a problem with keeping up payments.

Everybody's suggested that you don't - why post for advice and then ignore what people say?

Mojisola

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

I haven't been prying or reading the letters, but do you think it's a good idea to speak to my Mom about this and try and get things in order.

It depends on the relationship you have with your parents. If you can offer (without sounding as if you disapprove of their ways) and they can say no without you taking offence, go for it.

I did this for my parents but they were older and beginning to struggle to keep on top of paperwork.

StumpyPumpy

Is it a health hazard? Are you worried that they aren't paying bills/coping? Do you think they may be going senile? Are you worried about their safety or of your children? If not, then butt out. It is their house, their letters, their life.

Maybe they have a perfectly logical system eg things in Drawer A are letters that need to be kept for 3 months but not actioned; drawer B kept indefinitely; letters next to Dad's chair are things he still needs to sort out when he gets around to it and can do while watching the telly; things in the hall need actioning soon or moved to the drawers or next to Dad. And so on. Just because you don't approve and it doesn't match what you would do, does not mean they do not have a system.

However they do it it is none of your business. In any case, your "filing cabinet system" may not work for them, it wouldn't work for me.If I followed your "ideal" then I'd put things in the cabinet to tidy up and forget all about them until the final demands came in, which I'd then put in the cabinet to tidy up until... At least the letters in the hall bug me every time I see them, reminding me I need to sort them. And the things next to my chair I can do in an odd 5 minutes. The last time someone "tidied up" for me, it took a good 6 months to find everything again and get back to normal.

SP