Paperwork everywhere at parents' house

Abbafan1972

I was round my Mom's house last night as my kids are staying there for half term.

Me and DD were looking for a Wii game that's gone missing and something became apparent to me last night. They have letters everywhere around the house, like bills and stuff. I don't think they are behind in any payments or anything, but there were letters on the radiator cover next to the front door, next to where my Dad sits in the back lounge, there are masses of papers and also we had to look in some drawers and there are just piles in there.

A lot of them are in their envelopes (have been opened), but I'm concerned that everything is so disorganised. We have a little cabinet and things get filed in there.

I noticed that some of the letters are to do with hospital appts and quite a few have Santander on the envelopes.

I haven't been prying or reading the letters, but do you think it's a good idea to speak to my Mom about this and try and get things in order.

(God forbid), I would hate anything to happen and then there's all this to sort through.

CH27

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

I was round my Mom's house last night as my kids are staying there for half term.

Me and DD were looking for a Wii game that's gone missing and something became apparent to me last night. They have letters everywhere around the house, like bills and stuff. I don't think they are behind in any payments or anything, but there were letters on the radiator cover next to the front door, next to where my Dad sits in the back lounge, there are masses of papers and also we had to look in some drawers and there are just piles in there.

A lot of them are in their envelopes (have been opened), but I'm concerned that everything is so disorganised. We have a little cabinet and things get filed in there.

I noticed that some of the letters are to do with hospital appts and quite a few have Santander on the envelopes.

I haven't been prying or reading the letters, but do you think it's a good idea to speak to my Mom about this and try and get things in order.

(God forbid), I would hate anything to happen and then there's all this to sort through.

You can't expect others to live the way you choose to.

cloudy11

Yeah, I agree with CH27. You can't expect other people to be as organised as you. As a totally disorganised person myself when it comes to paperwork (I always find everything eventually!), just let them get on with it. It's their house, their papers and so unless they actually ask you for advice/ help just don't get involved- I would find it really rude.

Mattygroves2

You could try subtle hints or say you've been reading stories on forums about how hard it is to sort things out when people die. I'm helping OH sort out his parents affairs at the moment and it's not easy even though they were fairly well organised but kept everything -I'm not sure we need the paperwork for the house they sold 40years ago for example.

However, if they've always been messy then I doubt you'll change them. I'm a messy person and have got filing piles everywhere - kitchen,lounge, dining room, hall as well as the study where there is a four drawer filing cabinet ! Drives my OH mad at times but I think he'd be able to find the basics if I fell under a bus. The Internet savings accounts could be quite hard to find though without help.

Maybe you could aim for your mum and / or dad doing you a simple list of bank accounts etc and a note where there wills are kept ? The problem is that it's a bit weird and morbid talking to your parents about what would happen if they die.

Dunroamin

Perhaps things are more chaotic than normal because they're looking after your children for you?

Would you like it if your parents came to your house and told you how to run your life?

bride2be2012

Sounds like my house tbh. And my mums. And my MILs. DH is worse than me, and to my eyes his 'filing system' is just clusters of paper work. But if I try to tidy them, he knows, and can then never find anything. So maybe there is order in the chaos?

mummyroysof3

Mine aren't filed but at leases all in one box out of the way. Would drive me mad to have piles of paper everywhere: the cats would knock it on floor and it would annoy me to keep moving them to clean too.

fluffnutter

Are the letters unopened? If unopened, that could be a cause for concern. But if they're not, who cares whether they're filed in a little cabinet or not? That's up to your mum and dad innit.

fluffnutter

Dunroamin wrote: »

Perhaps things are more chaotic than normal because they're looking after your children for you?

Love it! Cheeky, but fabulous :T

fluffnutter

Mattygroves2 wrote: »

You could try subtle hints or say you've been reading stories on forums about how hard it is to sort things out when people die.

Jeez. People aren't even allowed to wallow in their own chaos nowadays just in case their poor kids have a bit more work to do when they die. So what? It's up to them.

My dad's a real hoarder. If you're brave enough to take a look in the attic or garage, you come out a fortnight later bemused and covered in dust. But it's his house! The only person who's got a right to have a moan is the other occupant of that house - my mum. The idea that I can tell my naughty dad off for keeping hold of crap because I might have to sort it all out when he dies is completely patronising, frankly.

NB. I'm not talking about real proper hoarding which is a psychological problem that can destroy lives. But then I don't think that's what this thread's about.

Abbafan1972

Thanks for your replies.

I'm not saying I'm going to go steaming in and sort it all out! I think it's been like this for a long time, there's letters on the mantle in the back room, I didn't realise it was so bad, it was because we were looking for this blessed game!

Thanks for the comment about them looking after my children. It's half term and I have to work (only 3 days). It's a mutual agreement with them and they want to do it. If they didn't want to do it, then I would make other arrangements. But to be honest I shouldn't have to justify myself to you.

FYI, I don't interfere in my Mom's life, but she does interfere in mine a great deal.

We are away this weekend, so I will mention about it when we come back. If she wants my help to sort it all out, then I will, but if not, then I will leave it.

From what I could see the letters were opened, so I don't think there's a problem with keeping up payments.