Elderly parents and mobile phones - getting them to use or at least call

[Deleted User]

David_Aston wrote: »

Sorry if I am not understanding this paulfoel. Have you possibly given him a payg mobile with perhaps fifty quid in it, and told him to let you know when it runs out?
If you are paying for any calls he makes, where does the 20p come in?

Yes, hes got a PAYG mobile that I pay for. And I can tell online how much credit is left. This is not the issue though because it never comes out of the box anyway.

I've also shown him his phone bill an pointed out where he's phoned me on my mobile for 20 secs and I've called him back has cost him only 20p.

Also, financially, hes doing ok. Not rich but more than enough money that it'll never run out. In fact, getting him to spend any of it to make himself more comfortable is a constant fight.

maman

Just read through the thread and my sympathies tend to lie with the dad. So OP's generation have embraced a lifestyle where they're obsessed with mobile phones but others (and not always older people) don't choose to live like that.

HooCanTellMee wrote: »

... but don't want to walk around with a mobile glued to my ear. Prefer to trawl the internet on a screen that is larger than a postage stamp! I can also make choices at a supermarket without needing someone to discuss it with.

I can see that for often mse reasons that many people are giving up landlines but there's still a choice. I can quite understand why OP's dad finds it hard to accept that it's ok for someone to take a personal call in working hours. I agree with him except in real emergencies. OP is contradictory IMO. He says his dad could call him any time but it seems he wants his dad to call during the day rather than intrude on his family life in the evening.

There is the issue about worrying through the evening when you're out. That's harder to sort depending on how much you tell each other about what you're going to be up to. In my family, we have a rough idea of everyone's regular nights in/out but don't report to each other regularly so no surprise if you're not in.

I remember a post from earlier in the thread where OP described himself as a son who wanted to do anything for his dad. I'd ask on whose terms? and at whose convenience? I don't think understanding that an elderly man thinks it's more appropriate to make personal/family calls out of working hours from a landline is much to ask.

heartbreak_star

I think it's more making calls TO a landline that's the problem - the OP's dad will not ring his mobile but worries when the OP is out of the house...

HBS x

[Deleted User]

maman wrote: »

Just read through the thread and my sympathies tend to lie with the dad. So OP's generation have embraced a lifestyle where they're obsessed with mobile phones but others (and not always older people) don't choose to live like that.



I can see that for often mse reasons that many people are giving up landlines but there's still a choice. I can quite understand why OP's dad finds it hard to accept that it's ok for someone to take a personal call in working hours. I agree with him except in real emergencies. OP is contradictory IMO. He says his dad could call him any time but it seems he wants his dad to call during the day rather than intrude on his family life in the evening.

There is the issue about worrying through the evening when you're out. That's harder to sort depending on how much you tell each other about what you're going to be up to. In my family, we have a rough idea of everyone's regular nights in/out but don't report to each other regularly so no surprise if you're not in.

I remember a post from earlier in the thread where OP described himself as a son who wanted to do anything for his dad. I'd ask on whose terms? and at whose convenience? I don't think understanding that an elderly man thinks it's more appropriate to make personal/family calls out of working hours from a landline is much to ask.

Obsessed with mobile phones? Seriously have you read this thread? Where did I say I want him to ring in the day? I want him to ring me whenever he needs to. What I dont want is him getting into a state by ringing me at 6pm, I'm not there, and then every 10 mins until I get home.... Understand now?

All I want is for my old man to make his life easier, and not get into a state when there is an easy solution. He can ring me when he wants - I don't care.

Also, why do you agree that its not OK to phone work except in an emergency? Seriously - you need to consider the situation not use a blanket approach like this.

For your information, I work as a consultant on customer sites. My phone is going ALL day long so it doesn't matter who rings me. But then again, I'd imagine 99.9999% of people who work in offices don't get grief for a 2 min phone call..... Unless they work for the type of employer that times their toilet breaks!

Some people need to read things properly.

CH27

OP you expect your Dad to do what you want but you don't seem to be able to empathise with him or consider changing your approach to him.

scot88

Most of what you have said I totally understand op. Mum is 84 and has forgotten how to use her mobile, forgets what times I work etc. She goes out ,takes said mobile with her but doesn't switch it on. Tbf .I doubt if she would know how to call me...but I could still call her. Nope..doesn't register with her. Aunt is 81 ..proud owner of 3 mobiles..none of which she can work, so they don't leave the house/are never switched on. We as a family get through it by having a gentle laugh over it. Other side of the coin..I worry if Mum is out when I think she should be at home. Lots of patience required by all.

[Deleted User]

CH27 wrote: »

OP you expect your Dad to do what you want but you don't seem to be able to empathise with him or consider changing your approach to him.

How can I change the approach?????

He insists on phoning the house ONLY, then phoning every 10 mins until I get home all the while getting more and more stressed. I've tried to explain a solution to the problem i.e. ring my mobile, panic over, jon done, end of.

Do you have any suggestions?

Savvy_Sue

I think the main suggestion is to ring him more often, at least for a while, to get across that you CAN use the phone in work time. As for the other issues, I'm not sure there's much more can be said. There may be an underlying issue.

maman

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I think the main suggestion is to ring him more often, at least for a while, to get across that you CAN use the phone in work time. As for the other issues, I'm not sure there's much more can be said. There may be an underlying issue.

Seems like a good solution.

I wasn't taking a blanket approach about calling from/at work. I was empathising with your dad as he obviously is of a generation/line of work where personal calls in work time aren't the done thing. I'm the same. Not because it's one of those jobs where they time toilet breaks but because it's considered unprofessional to do so and I agree.

I'd agree that maybe the comment about obsession with mobile phones was more general but because you've embraced yours doesn't mean to say that others have to do the same. I wouldn't be surprised if your dad feels that if he calls your mobile he might be interrupting you at work, at the hospital or in a restaurant whereas at home you're available to speak.

If you're determined to make your dad accept your mobile then you'll have to go along with the suggestion that you tell him that's your only contact number from now on. That's becoming quite common so I'm sure he'll get used to it if he has no choice.

Savvy_Sue

Actually, the other thing to communicate by ringing him more often, is that you're NOT home from work at 6 pm. Obviously I don't know if 'quick chats' are possible - with my dad you were lucky if a call lasted 30 seconds, but my MIL is more often 30 minutes! - but a call as you leave the office - "Hi Dad, just setting off for home, will be there in about an hour [over-estimate!], any news from you? Anything I can help with?" And if there isn't, then he knows you're still alive even if he's been in panic mode for the last hour because you weren't picking up at home, and if there is you can say "OK Dad, let me get home and see the family, then I'll phone you back to talk about this properly at around ..."

I know initially with my MIL when we phoned but she knew we weren't at home, she'd say "where are you phoning from then?" and would be quite surprised at the idea of using a mobile. She's more used to it now, but rarely uses ours. Would rather wait until we're home.