Elderly parents and mobile phones - getting them to use or at least call

[Deleted User]

Nicki wrote: »

That's an unfair guilt trip.

My father died in March and I miss him too and would love another chance to talk to him on the phone. That doesn't mean I can't see that it is difficult for OP and his heavily pregnant wife and young child when HIS father is phoning the landline very late at night waking the household up in a distressed state which takes time to soothe him, when this could be easily avoided.

I would hazard a guess that if during their lifetime either your mum or my dad had been doing this on a very regular basis that we would also have found that hard to cope with whilst holding down a full time job and looking after a young family

At last someone sensible.

squidge60

We're about to get rid of our home phone and replace it with an internet phone (which will mean change of phone no). Seriously tempted to tell him we're getting rid of completely so he has to phone my mobile anyway!

I would go this way got to be easier all way round (its only a little white one )
If my fil can get his head around it at 80+ i am sure your dad could and i would have thought less stressful for everyone .

Errata

[quote=[Deleted User];61643781]Yeh. But it depends on working environment. I'm neither a doctor, solictor or teacher.

I work in an office where I can walk around at will, take a break at will, make a cuppa, make a few calls etc. Surely a lot of people are like this?[/QUOTE]
Only those earning in excess of £50k pa, I suspect.
But that's bye the bye. If you are master of your own fate, what prevents you from phoning your own 78 year old father a couple of times during your working day? What prevents your from phoning him as you walk to your parked car at the end of your working day? I doubt your communication skills are such that you're unable to ensure phone calls don't last longer than a couple of minutes when they don't need to.
But perhaps most importantly, what is preventing you from trying to discover the reasons your father's behaviour has changed and his quite unusual paranoia? Try and walk in his shoes and get a feeling for what his life feels like to him.

[Deleted User]

Errata wrote: »

Only those earning in excess of £50k pa, I suspect.
But that's bye the bye. If you are master of your own fate, what prevents you from phoning your own 78 year old father a couple of times during your working day? What prevents your from phoning him as you walk to your parked car at the end of your working day? I doubt your communication skills are such that you're unable to ensure phone calls don't last longer than a couple of minutes when they don't need to.
But perhaps most importantly, what is preventing you from trying to discover the reasons your father's behaviour has changed and his quite unusual paranoia? Try and walk in his shoes and get a feeling for what his life feels like to him.

No way. Why does the amount you earn dictate whether you're allowed to use the phone or not? I don't understand.

OK, admitedly, I've only ever worked in offices, never in factory, as teacher, doctor or whatever, but no-one has ever, ever told anyone they can't recieve calls at work. Or even use the phone.

Obviously, within reason here. Not talking about spending hours - that would be frowned upon.

I can see your point though. I do ring my Dad from work now and again, thats not a problem.

[Deleted User]

I remember this thread from a few years ago. Unfortunately, Dad has got worse and worse.

At the moment, if he gets an idea in his head that I promised to ring him or for whatever reason he gets an idea that he needs to speak to me he will ring no matter what time of the day it is.

I've told him and told him not to call the house if he can help it if its late because it wakes the baby. If its important fair enough, but it rarely is. I've told him to call my mobile, if I dont answer leave a message and I'll call him back, maybe next day.

I've also told him to phone me on my mobile in the day if he wants. But he won't. Says he doesnt want to get in trouble with work. I run my own IT company, and do consultancy work so no-ones going to bat an eyelid (its not like being on the till at tesco or something!). But he doesnt listen.

Yesterday he called the home phone at midnight. Nuts. Didn't really want anything but had got the idea in his head that something must be wrong. He'd rung my mobile (which was upstairs) about 20 times. All because he was sure I'd said I'd ring him. I didn't.
Thing is if we'd all been in a car crash what can he do?

I've tried and tried to speak to him about it. I just dont understand why he gets into a state and has to speak to me no matter what. Last night I can imagine him sitting there calling me and calling me, then finally panicking, getting an idea in his head and ringing me at midnight.

Morglin

My sympathies - my elderly Dad would sooner not tell us of any problems, in case we worry, not realising most things are easiest sorted before there is a crisis!

He will not use the 'simple' mobile phone we got him. He won't answer his landline in case it's cold callers. He switches off his answerphone in case it gets full up......but, he will climb up ladders to change light bulbs etc., because he doesn't "want to be a bother".

I have tried explaining that the twice he has fallen off the ladders has actually caused everyone more hassles than the light bulb would have been!

He, thankfully, will, at least, wear his alarm pendant.

Gawd - drives me nuts!

Lin :wall:

[Deleted User]

Morglin wrote: »

My sympathies - my elderly Dad would sooner not tell us of any problems, in case we worry, not realising most things are easiest sorted before there is a crisis!

He will not use the 'simple' mobile phone we got him. He won't answer his landline in case it's cold callers. He switches off his answerphone in case it gets full up......but, he will climb up ladders to change light bulbs etc., because he doesn't "want to be a bother".

I have tried explaining that the twice he has fallen off the ladders has actually caused everyone more hassles than the light bulb would have been!

He, thankfully, will, at least, wear his alarm pendant.

Gawd - drives me nuts!

Lin :wall:

Thats just the thing they wont listen. Listen to what I say, listen to a few simple requests and everyones happy.

skint_chick

Totally get this - my mum and dad kept calling my landline even though I was at work or out and then thinking something had happened to me when I didn't immediately respond. Now they have the hang of calling my mobile, letting it ring three times and hanging up and I will call them back. They have mobiles but they keep them switched off because 'the battery will die' and have about £20 of credit on them that they never use! My dad has had a BT wireless home hub with cables trailing from the phone socket across the stairs to his office for years and has only just allowed me to make it wireless so neither of them break their neck falling down the stairs. He's still very suspicious of the blue lights because 'surely they should be green if it's working'!! He doesn't understand how the internet works without cables and last week I found his VCR in the attic 'just in case' even though all his videos are now on DVD grrr

[Deleted User]

skint_chick wrote: »

Totally get this - my mum and dad kept calling my landline even though I was at work or out and then thinking something had happened to me when I didn't immediately respond. Now they have the hang of calling my mobile, letting it ring three times and hanging up and I will call them back. They have mobiles but they keep them switched off because 'the battery will die' and have about £20 of credit on them that they never use! My dad has had a BT wireless home hub with cables trailing from the phone socket across the stairs to his office for years and has only just allowed me to make it wireless so neither of them break their neck falling down the stairs. He's still very suspicious of the blue lights because 'surely they should be green if it's working'!! He doesn't understand how the internet works without cables and last week I found his VCR in the attic 'just in case' even though all his videos are now on DVD grrr

Sounds very familiar. I dont get this worry thing just because you're not at home idea.

Savvy_Sue

[quote=[Deleted User];68444110]Thats just the thing they wont listen. Listen to what I say, listen to a few simple requests and everyones happy.[/QUOTE]has it occurred to you that it's not that he's not listening, but that he doesn't retain the information? And it's not that he deliberately refuses to retain it, but he is completely incapable of doing so? And when he gets an irrational idea in his head, rationality isn't going to get it out of his head?

How is he when you're with him, does he appear to retain and understand what you say? If not, you have to wonder about memory problems.

Have you spoken to his GP and described his behaviour?

My FIL asks 'what's going on?' and 'what are we doing?' every five minutes. It is immensely frustrating to have to repeat this information every five minutes, but it's not his fault. If he could remember, he would.

Once when he was particularly unwell, in hospital, he got a fixed idea that there was something wrong with his grandchildren, who in his mind were young children. Nothing MIL said would reassure him, he had to phone me and check everyone was OK. Of course I had no more idea of their whereabouts and state of health than MIL, but I made the right noises.

The worry when you're not at home is because he doesn't know where you are. It's not rational. But he's seeking reassurance - possibly because his own life feels out of control and frightening. He may not even have known how late it was.