Constantly judged for using disabled bays? Autism and Blue Badge?

nlj1520

I think Brassed Off raises a perfectly valid question........although I still think many parents of people with autism are entitled to a Blue Badge (including the OP). There is a huge difference between the problems posed by a physical disability and autism (or indeed many other kinds of neuro-untypical brains). The problem for someone with autism is the sensory overload, the lack of a sense of danger, the impulse driven behaviour and the single mindedness. My son is perfectly capable of standing stock still in front of an approaching car because it has interesting shaped headlights and he kind of forgets they have a car attached and he certainly doesn't understand the damage the car could do to him. The other problem is the speed with which an autistic meltdown can occur and the difficulty predicting what might set it off. In a car park that could cause danger to the individual, their supporter and anyone else around. Not to mention property. So limiting the amount of time someone with these problems is in a 'high-arousal' environment seems to me a 'no-brainer'.
If my son was having a difficult day I just wouldn't go to the shops.....which meant black tea perhaps, but compared to the alternative it was better not to risk a trip out.
The medium term aim is to find out what triggers the meltdowns and give the individual strategies for coping, but this can take a long long time as triggers can be very obscure.
I feel desperately sorry for my son and the constant unimaginable stress he lives with and I will continue to do anything I can to make his life easier. If the rest of society don't understand because he looks 'normal' so be it. That's their problem.
By the way.......we have worked hard on his behaviours and he no longer needs a blue badge, so he doesn't have one. I don;t want to inadvertantly make anyone who does need one's life harder either.

JimmyTheWig

Brassedoff wrote: »

I ask why would anyone who can park, get out, walk around a whole shop or local town centre perfectly well, albeit with some element possibility of triggering the expression of behaviour, not park just that little further?

Precisely because there is the risk of triggering this behaviour that can be dangerous.
Why on earth _wouldn't_ they take the closer space if they were judged to need it?

Now, if there was a single disabled bad and you and the OP needed to park, it sounds like you would need it more. But that doesn't mean the OP doesn't deserve it.
It always seems to me that there are plenty of empty disabled bays whenever I go shopping. I find it hard to believe that people like the OP taking a bay that they need are the reason that you don't get a bay.
If there aren't enough disabled bays then the people who provide car parks should be encouraged to create more. Again, not the OP's fault.

JimmyTheWig

abi.marshall wrote: »

Ive had at least five people challenge me about using a disbled bay, but probably a million dirty disgusted looks

The trouble is that I'm sure many people use disabled bays when they are not entitled to. I doubt that _all_ the healthy looking people I have seen getting out of sports cars parked in a disabled bay are disabled. I agree that some might have unseen disabilities, but I doubt that all of them do.
So it certainly annoys me to see it happening. And, obviously, everyone who has an unseen disability is going to be tarred with the same brush as those without disabilities.

I'm not normally a fan of these, but do you think a car sticker would help? Saying something like "My son is autistic. I am grateful that he doesn't look disabled, and at times doesn't act it. There are times I have to do things that others wouldn't normally do to avoid a meltdown." I'm sure yuo can come up with better words than these, but do you know what I mean?

when the badge and time card were clearly displayed. People were nasty. One woman said when I showed her the picture of my son on the back of the card "he doesnt look disbled to me".

Whereas this, to me, sounds like the outcome of the government/press propaganda.
We are constantly told about people claiming disability benefits when they are not really disabled. Such people are made out to be the enemy and the reason for all the problems in our society (which, conveniently, lets the government off the hook). Someone with an unseen disability is likely to be mistaken for one of these people.

Ironically, I noticed that she had parked in a parent and toddler bay without a child...

I think this tells you everything you need to know about this person. I hope you didn't get upset that she disapproved of what you had done because it certainly doesn't matter what she thinks!

sparkycat2

Brassedoff wrote: »

So I will go against the grain with you and ask, if a child is able to get in a car, take in all the traffic etc that you say makes them react only in a car park, then walk around town, shops or anywhere, taking in all there is to see again, but only reacting in the scenario you've given (mumsnet will not read that when replying), when in a car park, or when you are parking. How on earth do you manage in these other times? Is there a blue light you are allowed to flash to cut through the traffic? Is there a special line only open to parents with children suffering from these conditions. Why is the Blue Badge the only essential thing?

I would hazard a guess that the essential thing is keeping safe and that having a blue badge helps because a car park is a place someone is likely to get run over. While being a passenger sitting in a car or walking on the pavement or in a shop they are less likely to get run over. The car park is the more dangerous environment. So time walking about a car park amongst moving vehicles and cars blocking line of sight should be kept to a minimum.

Brassedoff wrote: »

My sister had extreme ADHD, my Nephew has severe Asperger's. my friends lad has the condition too. Yet at no point for my sister would we ever thought to have applied for a Blue Badge,

ADHD on its own is developmental, no learning disability or impaired neurological function is implied.
Asperger's although in the Autism spectrum typical does not have the same level of learning disabilities of someone diagnosed with Autism. The level of impaired insight to danger, ability to learn, uncontrollable behavioural problems.

Brassedoff wrote: »

taking a possible parking place that would stop a disabled person who could not walk, or has severe mobility issues being able to get to a shop to buy food to eat, pay a bill to stop their electricity from being cut off. Prevent them from parking in that last place that they needed to get the the chemist for life or death drugs?

That is an argument for having more disabled parking spaces.
Not an argument for having autistic people getting run over in car parks because their disability results in lack of insight to danger and them having learning and behavioural problems.

Brassedoff wrote: »

The OP and many other parents with children with the same disorder, will no doubt attack me for saying this. But I ask why would anyone who can park, get out, walk around a whole shop or local town centre perfectly well, albeit with some element possibility of triggering the expression of behaviour, not park just that little further?

I do not have a autistic child, and I think you are ignorant.

Brassedoff wrote: »

If I get a parking space, quite often its a big if. I take 20 minutes getting the wheelchair set up, wheel directly to the shop, turn around and get back in the car, go home and sleep because I am exhausted.
I have two kids. Thankfully they are now both grown up. But in their day, they too could do one in a shop. I (when I had use of my legs) had to drag them from a shop kicking and screaming on plenty of occasions.

So is the issue you viewing yourself as more deserving. While viewing the OP as not deserving.
How you think your difficulties going shopping with your two kids is relevant or commparable is beyond me. In my view it just demonstrates how ignorant you are.

Brassedoff wrote: »

My friends lad is now perfectly able to drive, go clubbing, has his own gardening business, yet as a kid had a mobility car, blue badge, high rate DLA for Care and mobility. So there is hope that once old enough they will lead a regular life. He is still clearly affected by his condition.

Your friends lad unless you are talking about a different friends lad, does not have the same disability as the OP's child. So how you think this is relevant is beyond me.

Brassedoff wrote: »

Hopefully you will now be as open to the question as to why you are parking in a disabled bay from people who see you with a child who can walk and looks perfectly 'normal', they don't know your child has a condition.

Well I do not see why someone with a valid blue badge should have to justify themselves to ignorant and judgemental people.

Brassedoff wrote: »

For me, I never get asked, I am clearly disabled, I am in a wheelchair.

What is the relevance of saying this, that you think you are obviously deserving and they are not. Because you think they should be asked to justify themselves but not you.

Mojo_Fones

This debate will never go away.

I'm with you abi, I hate the self-proclaimed Blue Badge Police. I'm blind and some days I don't take my cane if I'm only nipping in a shop. With the wife of course, she drives, lol. People often tell me I don't look disabled and I always reply with the same line paddedjohn suggested.

All we can do is try not to let it get under our skin, but oh there are times when I'm fuming after some TAP* gives me a 'tch'.


*TAP = Temporarily able-bodied person.

Vicky123

I have a severely autistic teen with profound learning difficulties and very challenging behaviour, no blue badge because I never applied. My problems would start once inside the shop so unless they can give me a badge to go in when the shop is empty I don't take him at all lol.
I do understand the OP point though, it occurs everywhere, not just disabled bays and is the biggest handicap to going anywhere at all, everyone sees this handsome teenager who looks as fit as a butchers dog.
I no longer take him to the shops, no point, if I don't shop when he is in school then I will just have to go without.
I did take him occassionaly when he was younger but wouldn't dream of it now, school take him regularly but it's pretty much a 5 minute trip with plenty of staff to help.
The problem really is all the press given over to the lead swingers, we are all tarred with the same brush now.
My oldest is higher functioning autistic, no need for a blue badge but again the problem is inside the shop when he is so anxious and impatient it really would only be for a pint of milk, full shops are not worth the hassle, school holidays mean on line shopping here and hopefully not lose years off my life with all the stress, do wonder how other parents of autistic children find a blue badge makes any difference at all to the nightmare, not disputing any parents right to have one though.

Brassedoff

nlj1520 wrote: »

I do not care what society calls autism....condition, disability, handicap. Whatever. What matters is the person's ability to function in society safely. My son (who is 21) has autism, severe learning difficulties and various minor physical problems which mean his co-ordination is shot to hell. Autism is a continuum.......we are all autistic to a different degree, but for the formal diagnosis it needs to inhibit the person's ability to function in society safely without support. There used to be a 'triad of impairments' that was used to this has been added a fourth of sensory issues. This means that people with autism TEND to have either incredibly acute or dull senses. My son has very sensitive hearing and vision, but almost no sense of pain and reduced sense of taste. He can very quickly go into sensory overload especially when there is a lot of movement around him or harsh lighting.
Most (but by no means all) people with autism have associated learning difficulties, some are very inteligent (then it's called Aspergers), but all share the core difficulties. One of the problems is that people with autism need routine and structure, but this can be very extreme.......1 young man I knew HAD to have the car parked in the same space or he suffered TERRIBLe anxiety. If that space wasn't free, his mum just used to drive home.
I suspect that for most of society the levels of stress people with autism live with is unimaginable and unless you have seen an autistic melt down it's difficult to appreciate the seriousness of this. Anything that makes their lives easier (and those of their relatives and support workers) is fine by me. Caring for someone with autism is harder than you can imagine and 'the system' does precious little to support those carers.

Can I thank you for this post. I reads like something from the reaches of your heart. You have done so much more in this post for my understanding than reading the NHS site and other posts on here. Thank you. (And I am being totally genuine)

JimmyTheWig

Brassedoff wrote: »

After reading some of the posts today I went to ASDA (Walsgrave, Coventry) with my wife shopping. She thought I had gone nuts when I asked her to drive around. I counted 160 parent & child spaces and 30 disabled, both as near to the doors as each other, but with a difference. No disabled spaces free, about half of the parent & child were.

I am really surprised at this. I always tend to find the opposite in supermarket car parks. It always seems to be the parent and child spaces are taken but there are plenty of disabled spaces. Maybe we both just notice on the days when it affects us (i.e. you would be looking for a disabled space while I would be looking for a P&C space)?
[Incidentally, a blue badge has no specific meaning in a private car park such as a supermarket.]

The confusion is not aided by the very oragisations that help parents with Autistic children. According to them Autisum is a condition, not disability. You all say the word 'Disabled', a term stretched by so many for various reasons.

I think the confusion comes from making generalisations.
I think it it is reasonable to say that all people who need a wheelchair because they cannot walk are disabled and so need a blue badge.
I don't think it is reasonable to say that all autistic people are disabled and so need a blue badge.
I think some autistic people (such as the OP's son) are disabled and need a blue badge.
I think other autistic people are disabled but don't need a blue badge (e.g. they may have issues that disable them in some situations but don't have problems relating to car parking).
And I think that there are other autistic people (e.g. some of those referenced in this article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/3766697.stm) who aren't disabled.

So I'd say autism is a condition rather than a disability per-se. But it is a condition that, for some people, can be a disability and that disability can mean, for some of those, that they need a blue badge.

JimmyTheWig

Brassedoff wrote: »

I went to ASDA (Walsgrave, Coventry) with my wife shopping. She thought I had gone nuts when I asked her to drive around. I counted 160 parent & child spaces and 30 disabled, both as near to the doors as each other, but with a difference. No disabled spaces free, about half of the parent & child were.

Out of interest, Brassedoff, hwo many of those 30 cars parked in the disabled bays do you think were
(a) people like yourself, who everybody accepts should be entitled to a disabled bay
(b) people like the OP's son, who officially is entitled to a disabled bay but you don't think they should be
(c) people who have no reason to want a disabled bay (other than they are lazy / they want a wider space so there is less chance of someone damaging their expensive car / etc)?

Brassedoff

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Out of interest, Brassedoff, hwo many of those 30 cars parked in the disabled bays do you think were
(a) people like yourself, who everybody accepts should be entitled to a disabled bay
(b) people like the OP's son, who officially is entitled to a disabled bay but you don't think they should be
(c) people who have no reason to want a disabled bay (other than they are lazy / they want a wider space so there is less chance of someone damaging their expensive car / etc)?

I can bet it would be a mixture of them all!