I just don't know how to help my Mum anymore - menopause

Scrapaholic

Having known a few menopausal women and been through it myself , I know it can make women act " not themselves " anxiety , depression , mood swings etc . It does sound as if it's a bit more serious for your mum. Would your dad not be able to ask her to have a talk with you and your sisters ? Very worrying . As for them asking for money to go away for walking etc , especially with your dad on medication , you could say no to giving them money to do it . Hope things improve soon for all .

heartbreak_star

Also ringing alarm bells is the fact she won't take prescribed medication.

HBS x

BitterAndTwisted

She sounds incredibly selfish, dragging your father away on days out funded by other people. I'd be tempted to tell them that you can't afford to give them money any more and leave your mother to find her own solutions to her problems, rather than thinking cynically leaching off others can solve them.

She's either got a medical problem which should be addressed by medical help or she doesn't. Having gone through menopause myself it sounds to me like a very weak excuse for such very manipulative and selfish behaviour.

CH27

Everybody needs to stop giving them money.
Ring your parents GPs & voice your concerns about both of them & ask their advice.

System

She sounds like she is going through a bit of a mid life crisis funded by you rather than going through the menopause.

elisebutt65

Crikey. I'm going though mp and I certainly haven't gone nutso! Think you need to stop the money and talk to a mental health professional. Sounds slightly bi-polar in a manic phase.

Goldiegirl

Same here. I know everyone's different, but the menopause doesn't have to be a nightmare.

To me, it sounds that the mum has some mental health issues. She should really be going to the GP.

I know the children want to help, but personally, I'm not sure they should be ringing the GP. Personally, I'd go mad if someone rang my doctor about me without my permission. I think the children should explain to the mother how worried they are and try to persuade her to see her doctor

amyloofoo

Thanks everyone. I called her today and explained that I'd really like to see her and have a talk and catch up, and she said she'd try to see me this afternoon and she'd let me know what time. Given that it's almost 9pm and I've not heard a word from her, I'm not expecting to see her now

I agree that she is probably experiencing some mental health issues, I have Bipolar myself and honestly don't believe she's in a manic phase as one poster suggested, although I can see why you may think so with the excessive spending and irrational thoughts. I think she may be experiencing depression and anxiety, and is choosing to run away rather than deal with things. It just makes me so sad that she won't talk to anyone, I have so much personal experience of this, and so does her sister who's also worried about her.

With regards to the GP, to be honest, I'm not even sure who she sees at the practice anymore - her old GP retired recently, and I don't believe they'd talk to me anyway. I could, and am prepared to, try but I think it's something that needs to be weighed up carefully because Mum is a very private person and definitely wouldn't appreciate me sharing my concerns 'behind her back'. If I could manage it, Dad may well be the best person to convince her to seek some help but at the moment she just dominates him - I would have no chance of seeing him alone, let alone asking him to stand up to her.

We've all agreed to not lend them any more money, but without her actually agreeing to seek help I don't think this is really the end of the issue.

duckeggblue

Hi, I noticed you said your Dad suggested she write her moods down in a mood diary, which she seemed keen to do, but once she had written down her feelings, was she supposed to share these thoughts with your Dad, and if he's not discussed them, is this why she is leaving them lying around. Whatsort of a relationship has she had with your dad, does he provide emotional support?

VfM4meplse

elisebutt65 wrote: »

Crikey. I'm going though mp and I certainly haven't gone nutso!

My mum did though....she'd never been scared to vocalise her feelings, but as my younger brother reminded me recently, I was urging her to see her GP as her behaviour was so abnormal, even by her standards. Nutso may not be a technical term, but it does capture the problem succinctly.

10 years on, and I can say with hindsight it was the menopause. She's a lot calmer now.