Council would rather I put 2 children in to care!!

nearlysorted

LannieDuck wrote: »

Do you get child support from OH's ex?

I'm afraid I have little sympathy with your situation - you and OH chose to have 6 kids. Now you're finding you have to support them. Big surprise.

You have 3 bedrooms - with bunkbeds, you should be able to cope. Put the youngest boy in bunkbeds with the girl in the box room - won't do either any harm. Two sets of bunkbeds in the other room.

Ok, I am picking this post to quote from although I have had many replies, some more helpful then others.

At no point have I said we are struggling to support them, or begrudge doing so.
Dh's ex doesn't even have bus fare to take ss to his hospital appointments, so, no, we do not get any maintenance from her.

Dh's old job was a 90 min commute in the morning with a 2 and half hour commute home, and I can work up to 15 hour days which involves shift work, and I have no control over what shifts I do on a weekly basis, and with fuel costs, it was more logical for him to take part time employment, again, this was with advice from child services.
Ss, has medical issues as well as behaviourial issues along with being very behind at school,.
Dh's ex had told the school that dh was not on the scene, this is despite the fact that he had called the school on many occasions, they assumed the only "father" around is her now ex boyfriend, who has also taken custody of 2 of his children.
She has also conditioned the boys to lie to us, whenever we ask any questions about school or home.
Dh also contacted child services with regards to their care many times going back about 8 years. Child services contacted her, and also told her that Dh had reported her.
Ss's old school also contacted child services about the welfare/appearance and lack of attendance of all of her children,


Just to clarify, we have not made any decisions with regards to what is best for all concerned, without consulting the schools or child services. We will budge up and make room. It was a hope that we could make a stressful situation a little less stressful.

nearlysorted

pimento wrote: »

Are they not also your husband's children. Isn't he also failing them?

No, he has not failed the children. We have asked for advice (I dare say the word help) from child services on a few occasions, which wasn't very forthcoming.
If Dh went wading in, his ex would have shut off all contact, then we would never know anything that had happened to the boys.
When we got the go ahead for ss to live with us, we managed to secure him a place in our local school and move him in within 4 days.

Gigglepig

You say neither you nor he failed the children. In my world sorry but the two of you did let your children down by having more children, if you think your house isn't big enough for you all.

And what about a savings fund, for unforeseen expenses, unemployment, illness? Or even future things like helping them through uni?

At the point where you already had 1-3 kids full time and 2 part time did space/costs not occur to you at all, before having more kids together? Seriously?

Many couples save for years to be financially secure, have savings on hand and suitable accommodation before having one or two kids. Because kids are expensive. Without the benefit of subsidised housing. It seems slightly insulting to all those couples that you expect the state to sort things out.

It is not the council's fault that you are in this situation, the kids are purely of your own making. So please don't point fingers at the council or anyone else. You have had some excellent advice here on how to make the best out of the situation.

BugglyB

pigpen wrote: »

OP.. Get the HV and GP and anyone else involved to write supporting your bidding for a bigger property. They can be very helpful, as can SS. Use anyone who is involved with the family to write a letter and keep nagging.. and don't be too picky on area, you can always move again if you get an area you don't really want right now space is most important

OP have you followed this excellent advice from Pigpen?

Mojisola

nearlysorted wrote: »

This has been my family home for 24years. My mother gave up the house for me when I had my son and daughter, I really love my house and don't want to move.

BugglyB wrote: »

OP have you followed this excellent advice from Pigpen?

The simplest way of resolving the problem seems to be the last one that nearlysorted wants to consider.

peachyprice

My daughters friend has triple bunk beds, that would suit the eldest three boys, if they have the biggest room you may even get a shorties single in there for the 4yo boy. The Girl could share with the toddler.

Or you could have the three older boys in triple bunks, the girl and 4yo boy sharing and the toddler in with you.

It's not insurmountable

nearlysorted

BugglyB wrote: »

OP have you followed this excellent advice from Pigpen?

We have an appointment with the HV next week.
We already have the triple bunks, with the toddler beds.
Dd's bedroom wouldn't fit bunk beds, she already has a midi bunk (that blocks out her half of her window) and stores everything under it.
Dh and I share a set of drawers, plus one of the boys drawers in our room. we also have the boiler in there.

Thank you again for your responses,
I am going to bow out of this thread now. I had my apprehensions about posting my situation, as I have seen the flaming people get, should they do something that others perceive as wrong. In our case, we were wrong to have 6 children between us. Despite the fact at no point have we suggested, we are not coping financially, we don't want to support the children etc...

Gigglepig

I'm confused. If you cope financially and don't want support, why did you post. Isn't the whole point of the post that you wanted more space for the kids & that the council should pay for it? If you can cope financially with housing 6 kids without support, what's the point of the post? In that case Just rent or buy a nice big house on the private market?

Tiddlywinks

nearlysorted wrote: »

I am going to bow out of this thread now. I had my apprehensions about posting my situation, as I have seen the flaming people get, should they do something that others perceive as wrong. In our case, we were wrong to have 6 children between us. Despite the fact at no point have we suggested, we are not coping financially, we don't want to support the children etc...

BUT you aren't able to financially support them are you? You are asking for help to house them.

You just don't seem to understand that having 3 more children between you (knowing the ex's lack of ability to cope with the existing children) is a CHOICE you made - those kids are YOUR responsibility.

Did you never consider the possibility that you might have to take the boys one day? Sadly, accidents and illness happen.... What did you think would happen to those kids?

Your attitude is indicative of a lot of what has got us into the mess we're in today - people making poor life choices and then expecting the state to provide.... Why is this not your responsibility?

BugglyB

nearlysorted wrote: »

We have an appointment with the HV next week.
We already have the triple bunks, with the toddler beds.
Dd's bedroom wouldn't fit bunk beds, she already has a midi bunk (that blocks out her half of her window) and stores everything under it.
Dh and I share a set of drawers, plus one of the boys drawers in our room. we also have the boiler in there.

Thank you again for your responses,
I am going to bow out of this thread now. I had my apprehensions about posting my situation, as I have seen the flaming people get, should they do something that others perceive as wrong. In our case, we were wrong to have 6 children between us. Despite the fact at no point have we suggested, we are not coping financially, we don't want to support the children etc...

I dont think you are wrong for any of those things. I know life doesnt always happen how you plan it and sometimes you just have to make the best of things. People are terribly judgemental.

What I do think you are wrong for is saying - rather hysterically - 'Council would rather I put 2 children in to care!!!' - instead of the truth, which is, council refuse to build me an extension. I expected this thread to be about social workers refusing to let you offer a home to children, not about your choice of home dictating you have less space than you want.