son not wanting to move away

anewman

Only read the firrst post and not read the responses. However, I live in leeds and went to Huddersfield University whilst living at home catching the train over. A friend from my ex college in leed did the same. The main reason for me was the cost involved with living away (Huddersfield wanted about £60 per week - my train pass was about £50 a month - bit of a difference in cost). I'm from a working class single parent family so I couldn't have expected any money from my parents.

I feel that if I had lived away I would have integrated better socially and had a bit more "fun". So I do feel like I have missed out on something. However I can't help but think how expensive it all would have been. I don't think you can do anything other than support him, offer financial support if he lives away and financial support for any "emergencies" and suggest to him that maybe he'll miss out on something if he doesn't go. I think anymore pressuring than that and it will be goading him and he'll just end up staying at home anyway. I tell you something, if I had rich parents and they said go anywhere in the country, we'll pay - i;d have gone like a shot :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

anewman

Sharky! wrote: »

Also, it's important to be close to the on-campus facilities such as the library and any specialist equipment for the courses.

I feel it worthwhile to point out that as a student at a university, if you go to your own library you can get a card that allows you reading only access at any UK university. As I lived in leeds I occasionally went to the Leeds University library as they had some resources the Huddersfield library didn't (that one journal article you *need* but is mysteriously missing from the shelves in the library sort of thing). Also now I am at Leeds University part time studying for an MSc so my prior experience with the library and wandering around campus made going there not so daunting

jennybear

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

jennybear wrote: »

We both kept our weekend jobs and were not paying rent etc so we will both leave uni in a much better financial position.

But didn't you feel bad about still being financially dependent on your parents at the age of 21/22? You can live at home and still pay your own way; that's what the maintenance loan is for.

Yes we did and offered money for our keep, which was refused by my parents as they both work full time and didnt want money from us. They preferred us to do more practical things for them ie making sure all the chores were done and tea was on when they came home. We did put some money aside though and treat them to a holiday this year!

anewman

But the maintenance loan is only £3,000 or so per year. Minimum wage is about £10,000. How can you survive, never mind live, on only £3k per year?! Especially when it's only made in 3 payments. Unfortunately you are considered to be financially dependent on your parents which is why when you apply for the loans they want to know everything possible about your parent's income.

Oldernotwiser

anewman wrote: »

But the maintenance loan is only £3,000 or so per year. Minimum wage is about £10,000. How can you survive, never mind live, on only £3k per year?! Especially when it's only made in 3 payments. Unfortunately you are considered to be financially dependent on your parents which is why when you apply for the loans they want to know everything possible about your parent's income.

But if you get £3,000 for, say a 35 week year and pay no keep out of it then you get £85 per week pocket money! Plus, if you have a Saturday job or a couple of nights a week working in a bar you'd be topping that up to £125. Not hard to manage on that, and more disposable income than you'll probably have in your first years at work if living independently. I'm not saying that your parents shouldn't be expected to contribute, obviously they have to. I'm just saying that some of that maintenance loan is expected to go towards keeping yourself and isn't intended solely for beer money!

jennifernil

As a parent of 2 students who have both studied locally (in Glasgow) I would say that you should let your son decide for himself if there are no other factors to be considered.

In Glasgow we have 3 Universities which I am sure must cover pretty much everything anyone would want to study. Being reasonably well off, our children were not entitled to any grants or other assistance, so other than loans, the burden fell on us.
We did not feel able to pay for them to go away and stay elsewhere, so they would have needed to take substantial loans to pay for a shared flat or halls.
They both decided that there was no need for them to move away as the courses they wanted were available right here, so we were all happy.
The choice was simple, large loan/move away, or no loan/stay at home.
I think you can give them independence even if they stay at home. There is no need to cook for them or do their washing. They still need to clean their own room, and should take their turn with cleaning the bathroom and general dusting/hoovering.
Teach them to cook etc, do not be a slave. You will do them no favours. But staying home can work and does have its advantages.

reehsetin

lotties_mum wrote: »

My son is due to start uni in 2008,.He is not a mummy's boy by any stretch of imagination, He's been away on numerous school trips and had a great time.The point is he has decided he wants to go to uni in the next city and possibly live at home. I don't want to push him out but on the otherhand i don't want him to miss out either,any opinions gratefully appreciated.

i chose to stay at home for uni, picked a uni in london for that purpose, few reasons -
the last few years id be at home before i moved out for good - nice to spend some time with family (turned out to be a really good idea)
you have all your life to be independent in the truest sense of the word, even though im living at home im still financially independent (dont pay rent because parents wont take it instead the money i would spend goes into savings - coincidently it means ill basically be able to move out asap after uni will hopefully have a deposit for my own house)
i do washing/house work
i go to work and uni work
make family and my own meals
manage my own life, still go out and do what i want (may help that im not someone who spends my life clubbing and at bars anyway).
wanted to stay in london anyway, would have used puclic transport to get to uni anyway why not from home
dont see much difference if i had moved out except for the extra expense,

fabuleuse_2

jennifernil wrote: »

As a parent of 2 students who have both studied locally (in Glasgow) I would say that you should let your son decide for himself if there are no other factors to be considered.

I lived at home while studying in Glasgow and I think I made the right choice. Maybe I did miss out in some respects, for example, having a higher degree of freedom and independence and meeting more people, but I think the benefits for me outweighed the positives. I have the rest of my life to move out and I don't think that's what university should be about. I don't buy the notion that you have to cut yourself off from your family for the majority of the year in order to be a grown-up. I finished my undergraduate degree with savings instead of the average £12,000 debt or whatever, that's got to count for something on MSE anyway...

little_2

I stayed at home whilst at uni. Mind you I had travelled for a couple of years before hand. I tried out the whole staying at uni idea, but after a term just couldn't make ends meet finacially, and didn't want to rely on parents hand outs so I commuted from Kent to London and also managed to find a full time job where this was posible. After all students, including full time ones as I was don't actually have a lot of hours in uni itself. By the end of the three years I had meet a husband, brought a house and gained a good degree and no debts.

Every child is different, some love the whole moving away thing, some find other ways. Just because you don't move away to uni doesn't mean you won't get something out of it and be a sad lonely person. If you force him to move away there is the risk he will hate it and come home anyway. Let him decide as the adult he is becoming. Alot of students go to local unis now adays, some just don't have the luxury of parents helping them out or expect them to. The whole point of university is it is full of all sorts of people not just 18 years old moving away from home for the first time.

koksrob

I have done both i started out living at home, i was lucky enough to live only about 5 miles away from the uni.
agree its hard to make friends when at home, so you got to be prepared to put that extra effort in, join the clubs and societys- good place to make good friends -and have a good time. join in the socail aspect.

by living at home there was far more money availble to me, i even invested some of my student loan and was able to go out all the time and enjoy motorsport. I made loads of friends from uni at this time.

half way though my uni life i moved in with friends, this was defently a life experience - learned to stand on my own too feet. money became tight, learnt to duck quick at the sight of the landlord etc. you are very free away from home -no parents looking over your shoulder. problem with this is that money becomes a real issue. so you have to work more, in student accomidation sharing with lots of people its easy to get distracted away from uni work.

depends how far away from uni your son is going to be...if close enough to get taxi home from uni- no reason why it should effect his uni life.
any further going out clubbing on student nights etc will become an issue

I know people that moved away and hated who they were put with and ended up being un happy. so wont neccarily make new friends quicker.

So i wouldnt push him either way but make sure he know how you will be prepared to help him either way.