son not wanting to move away

Davidboy

I agree with people saying it's all down to doing the right course, but speaking from a parents point of view, I also believe it's just as important that the kids move away and learn to live independant lives away from mum and dad. Coping with limited money, non one to nag them to do their homework, just being able to get out of bed in the morning by themselves is an acheivement for some, washing, cleaning, etc. are alien words so not that important.

Yes I speak from experince, both my two girls are at uni, eldest found it very hard and very homesick, but she is now coming to the end of her second year, we hardly hear from her!! The first year was a call every night from her, 2 years later we are not wanted!!!

Youngest has not had any problems, but she does have trouble finding the washing machines, cooking well lets just say I'm glad we put a tin opener in her "kit". But they are both now grown up and independant.....the way it should be.

Encourage him to go, but don't force. He must do the choosing otherwise you WILL get the blame when it all goes wrong!!

All the best.


D

shawadawada

Hi i started living away at keele university and hated it so after my first lot of exams i decided to travel. Your sons in a lucky position if unis only in the next city, I personally do a 100mile round trip everyday. But its worth it to be happy. Dont try and make the decision for him leave him to it. He will be happiest with his own choice.

pinginal

Your university experience is what you make it. I live in halls but can see the only difference with living at home would be that you sleep at home. You'd still make as many friends on your course and go out as much. It's all down to your son and how socially active he is. The only downside to living at home could be in the travelling and academic side (being away from the library) as mentioned in other posts.

ak6949

Dunno if my perspective is of any help...

I have an incredibly close relationship with my family, and initially chose unis close to home (about an hours drive away) so I was close to home... I applied to a few much further away as more 'if all else goes wrong' options. I was rejected from the two I wanted, and faced between the choice of one about 4 hours, and another 6 hours away. Weirdly enough I chose the 6 hour option because it was a better uni for the subject... I quickly thought I'd regretted this and spent hour upon hour doubting my choice... I came up with loads of excuses to not go - why dont I take a gap year? Why don't I pull out and reapply etc etc. My parents never pushed me once to go or not go, but talking to my mum one evening made me realise I was making excuses not to leave home, and that maybe I should give it a try...

I still struggled with it, because I was leaving so much behind. For some students its really easy, for others its immensley difficult. But on hindsight, I couldn't have made a better decision... I managed to go to a place miles away where nobody knew me and meet loads of people and completely be myself, its a great experience and I don't regret it for one second. The thing is, many students struggle to move away from the closeness and familiarity at home, but the thing is loads of people are in the same boat but you all go through it together.

Also, to echo what everyone else has said, if he does stay close to home try and get a place in halls... Its a brilliant experience and theres no better way to meet and get to know people if your sharing bathrooms and watching eachother stumbling home drunk trying to get into the flat opposite because they have no idea where they are! You will meet someone with similar interests at uni because theres such a diverse range of people... I've met some brilliant people in halls who I'm moving out with

My advice - just keep talking to him, don't push for either way but just talk through why he's making the decision rather than why he shouldn't be making the decision, you may find if you ask enough questions he realises that his decision was a bit impulsive and through fear.

Anyway, sorry for the length, if you or your son wants to know anymore about uni life then give me a shout.

:cool:

Savvy_Sue

As for going to Open Days, I did take DS1 to half of his, but I didn't stay with him! I went shopping instead so that I knew where to gently steer him towards.

Actually that's not quite true: at Warwick (computing) they had a separate programme for parents, including lunch and a tour of the campus with staff. But I did have time to find the nearest shops too ... A good job because that's where he went.

Southampton had a 'general' open day, and he wanted to go, so I offered to take a car load of friends. (And mortally offended one of them by saying I would NOT take him because he talks and talks and talks and talks and talks ...) They all had a great day, and so did I. They were on campus, and I was in West Quays ...

jennybear

Both my brother and I decided to stay at home when going to uni (coincidentally Cardiff) for different reasons and it has worked out really well for us. We both kept our weekend jobs and were not paying rent etc so we will both leave uni in a much better financial position. Making friends was not a problem at all, both of us got involved in sports and societies and mixers . In fact, I was much in demand as someone who knew the area and knew where all the good clubs and bars were for a night out and I moved in to a rented house with some friends in my second year. Feeling the need to big up Cardiff here though - top university with a great student community and students union!

Oldernotwiser

jennybear wrote: »

We both kept our weekend jobs and were not paying rent etc so we will both leave uni in a much better financial position.

But didn't you feel bad about still being financially dependent on your parents at the age of 21/22? You can live at home and still pay your own way; that's what the maintenance loan is for.

3plus1

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But didn't you feel bad about still being financially dependent on your parents at the age of 21/22? You can live at home and still pay your own way; that's what the maintenance loan is for.

It's true that my parents have helped me out a lot financially too. But when I start my graduate job, part of my salary is going to go directly into their account. I'm going to pay back what I owe them. We see it as a loan, rather than a gift.

Do I feel bad? No, not really. The whole point of getting a degree is to get a good job and to then be able to prop my parents up when they retire. It's been the plan all along.

maniac886

Hey guys,

I will give you my take on things. I have just finished my three year course at uni and have lived at home for the entire three years. When I applied for uni 3 years ago the uni that was best for my course that I wanted to do was local. It only takes 15/20 mins for me to get to uni so I thought there is no much point me moving away.

I am in a lucky situation though because my rents are well off. For a majority of the three years I have had a part time job as I wanted to earn my way instead of scrounging off the rents. I have always offered to pay bills and pay towards rent but they have none of it.

As for the social side of things, I go out most nights with my mates as I live close to their houses anyway so it aint much of a problem meeting up in town etc.

Now that I have finished uni I am now looking at a graduate job, like 3plus1, so I can give them something back as a gift for what they have done.

As for the OP, talk to your son and see the reasons behind why he doesnt want to move out, but don't push him into making a decision.

nomoneytoday

Living away from parents is half of the experience