out of work adult child

Old_Git

glitter_fairy wrote: »

He isnt sure either.

She helps with the kids and house work

We pay for clothes, nights out etc

Dont ask for money , don't give her money for clothes and nights out unless she really need the clothes .

Loz01

If she's getting £56 a week then I think £15 or £20 isnt too unreasonable. Even though technically you couldnt buy a lot for your household with 15 quid, its just showing that some money has to be budgeted for living.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

When I briefly claimed unemployment benefit for about eight weeks, my mother demanded half on the grounds that I used the sink to wash my clothes. Not only did she not feed me, clothe me or provide anything other than allow me to sleep and use the toilet there, I was forced to decline job interviews that meant a short train journey to get to them, because I didn't have enough, after paying her, to fund the trips.

At the time, unemployment benefit for younger claimants was £35. It's not that much more, over twenty years later, considering inflation. I think that, unless I was absolutely desperate, I wouldn't take any money of a kid on JSA who was genuinely taking part in the family life and looking for work.

Person_one

marisco wrote: »

I think it would be completely reasonable to ask your step daughter to pay some board. By living with you at the moment she gets to enjoy all the comforts of a family home, without having to meet the bulk of the expenses of running it.

As a young woman who hopefully in a few years, will be living independantly and standing on her own two feet, she should be happy to make a contribution. Have a chat with her and come to an agreement over the amount she pays, making sure she has enough to cover her basics and has a little spending money to keep in contact with friends and get to interviews etc.

I think to be able to give informed answers, people do need to know the background on this one.

OP's husband only found out about this daughter's existence a few months ago, when she was 18. He was with the girl's mother very briefly as a teenager. The girl has been in and out of care and has a very troubled relationship with her mum.

So its not the usual scenario of adult child living at home.

bestpud

It sounds as though you are teaching her how to function within a family and the real world, and part of that is paying your way.

If you aren't going to take money then I think she can afford her own clothes and nights out on over £50 a week.

If you carry on asking for nothing but funding her on top of the money she gets then you are not helping her in the long run.

She sounds a good person and you shouldn't let her past sway you from doing what is right. I think stability, ground rules and boundaries are appropriate and will probably be welcomed by her if she's only had chaos up until now.

Wyre

I remember your previous thread!

My view is that JSA is given to pay for the recipient to live and pay their bills. Therefore it is only fair to take a reasonable sum to pay the costs of her living with you. I wouldn't advocate taking it all but £20 a week would teach her the value of having to pay to live, whilst still leaving her money to for travel. Whether you choose to save it for when she leaves home, or it goes on the added costs your family has now got with another mouth to feed, extra bills etc, is up to you.

It is an important life skill to learn to budget, and she will always have bills she needs to pay, better she learns it now while living with a caring family than later when the consequences of not knowing how to cope could be difficult.

DS4215

Do you need the money from her? - Could you take say £20 a week and put it into an account for her so she has a deposit ready for when she wants to move out, or to use for things like driving lessons, etc.

Joons

Unless I really needed it, I wouldn't take a penny off her, she's 19 and if she's lost her job through no fault of her own will be needing support and that includes financial. I wouldn't fund her though, the JSA is hers to cover all her costs, I would give her food and board and that would be it. Maybe not conventional but I honestly wouldn't take money off any kid that was on benefits.

LittleMissAspie

Person_one wrote: »

I think to be able to give informed answers, people do need to know the background on this one.

OP's husband only found out about this daughter's existence a few months ago, when she was 18. He was with the girl's mother very briefly as a teenager. The girl has been in and out of care and has a very troubled relationship with her mum.

So its not the usual scenario of adult child living at home.

Without knowing the background my first thought was that I would not charge rent to an unemployed offspring. The role of parents is to provide a backup and help to children, even when they are adults. Presuming the "child" is doing the sensible thing and actually looking for a job and not spending their JSA on tat or otherwise taking the pee, I don't think it's fair to expect rent. Of course, once an adult it goes both ways and a child should also be a help to the parents in times of need and I wouldn't expect an unemployed parent who has moved in with their child to pay rent from JSA either.

Having read the background, I'm actually sticking to my opinion. This girl needs more of a helping hand than most and I get the impression that she's not a troublemaker, she's just had a bad start. So everything above still applies.

I think it's odd to charge rent but then give her money back for clothes or nights out, in fact I think it's completely the wrong way round. You are charging her for a roof over her head which is an essential, but giving her money for non-essentials. I would give her the roof for free and leave her to sort out the non-essentials for herself.

aridjis

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

When I briefly claimed unemployment benefit for about eight weeks, my mother demanded half on the grounds that I used the sink to wash my clothes. Not only did she not feed me, clothe me or provide anything other than allow me to sleep and use the toilet there, I was forced to decline job interviews that meant a short train journey to get to them, because I didn't have enough, after paying her, to fund the trips.

Oh dear I have never understood parents who seem to want to take money from their offspring like this.

I think in the OP's case because there are unusual circumstances I would not be asking for money from the step-daughter, unless it was really unavoidable and necessary.