I have just told my partner about my debt problem...

ValHaller

missnb wrote: »

I am starting a new job in September where I will be able to double my DMP payments every month, so I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!

How long is your DMP for on current income? And what have you been spending the money on? If it has been on household rather than frivolous stuff, you need to rebalance your finances with your OH. As Harry'sDad is pointing out.

moohound

Paid off in just over a year, looking at your signature, is not too bad, by that time you will be well used to living within your means and you can get that deposit saved with your new good habits.

I would make sure he knows it's coming down each month, and he might feel better about it.

My own experiences have totally changed my attitude to spending, debt, saving and money in general. My next job is to be mortgage free, and I think that is something I would not have aimed for if I hadn't had a debt crisis. Be thankful this happened now, not when you had a big mortgage and a bunch of kids.

missnb

ValHaller wrote: »

How long is your DMP for on current income? And what have you been spending the money on? If it has been on household rather than frivolous stuff, you need to rebalance your finances with your OH. As Harry'sDad is pointing out.

On my current income, my DFD is May 2015 - £293 as I only earn £500 a month - I'm a student. I don't pay rent as I moved back in with my parents so we could begin saving for a mortgage - which is the main reason I had to tell my OH as it is now going to be a lot longer than he thought before I can afford one.

The main reasons for the debt were household and living expenses with no income except a student bursary...I should have spoken to my OH/moved back home A LOT sooner - I fully understand that.

In September, I will earn £1400 p/mth after tax, but will then have to pay something to my parents for living at home. I'm hoping to then increase my DMP payments to at least £600 p/mth - more if I can afford it.

But definitely, if we do sort this out and eventually get a house - bills need to be split fairly. If I have learned anything from this - it's that!

missnb

moohound wrote: »

Paid off in just over a year, looking at your signature, is not too bad, by that time you will be well used to living within your means and you can get that deposit saved with your new good habits.

That's the plan! Up the payments with my increased income and get it shifted as soon as I can. & yes, the money I was then paying towards the DMP can be saved towards the mortgage deposit.

ValHaller

missnb wrote: »

The main reasons for the debt were household and living expenses with no income except a student bursary...I should have spoken to my OH/moved back home A LOT sooner - I fully understand that.

He will not be very receptive to this of course, but if you were living together, your debt is actually in part household debt rather than purely personal. Between you, you do need to look at that after the dust has settled.

Allowing you to be a student is him actually investing in your future together as partners and he should either be filling the financial gap or making the point that between you, you cannot afford it. As I say, let the dust settle and start working on your finances as a team. If you don't see this working out, then rethink the relationship. I think you can see now where this needs to go.

dktreesea

Missnb, I am not surprised about the debt. It's so hard to survive on a student's grant. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I'm not sure I have a lot of sympathy with your partner's reaction. It doesn't sound like you have asked him to cover any of it. He sounds upset because he was counting on you to be able to get what he wants, i.e. a house and a mortgage, and now it looks like he won't be able to do that for quite a while. Oh well, maybe he needs to look more to himself and work out how he can earn sufficient income to get what he wants in his own right, without depending on anyone else's contribution.

I would have expected a reaction more along the lines of: "Yeah?! that's bad news. Oh well, at least you are doing something about it. Don't worry. Once it's paid off we'll really be able to save up for a house and if it takes us a couple of years longer to get it, look at it this way - at least we'll have a bigger deposit to start us off with."

dktreesea

missnb wrote: »

Thank you for the replies.

Harrysdad - My debt would not affect his money in any way, as we keep our finances completely separate - which is why I managed to keep it quiet for so long. His main issue seems to be that the plan was to save for a mortgage deposit over the next 2 years - when we would have began to share finances - but he feels like that opportunity is gone now because of my debt problem.

I can completely understand that it was a shock, I think I just expected him to consider what it's been like for me over the past few years!! Although I know that sounds completely selfish because it is my problem, and there's only me that has got me into this situation

Moohound - I am glad to hear your relationship has improved. I think my OH will be the same with the digs and so on though, he said something earlier in McDonalds as he ordered his food 'can we get this on pay monthly??' under his breath - I hope he'll stop with that as soon as he calms down a bit - I don't know!

Very drained and deflated atm

So your OH can afford to eat out at Maccie D's? if he is so intent on getting a mortgage how come he isn't buying in food and cooking you a nice meal instead of wasting his money at Maccie D's?

I'm sorry to sound so unsympathetic towards him, but this debt isn't his direct problem. His role is to be supportive, not to keep sniping away at you, and, if he still wants to get his mortgage "on time", to start depending on himself more, saving more and squandering less.

missnb

dktreesea wrote: »

I'm not sure I have a lot of sympathy with your partner's reaction. It doesn't sound like you have asked him to cover any of it. He sounds upset because he was counting on you to be able to get what he wants, i.e. a house and a mortgage, and now it looks like he won't be able to do that for quite a while. Oh well, maybe he needs to look more to himself and work out how he can earn sufficient income to get what he wants in his own right, without depending on anyone else's contribution.

Thanks dktreesa, yes I think that is it. He sees it as putting him further back in the 'big plan' whereas I was hoping for a bit of sympathy after dealing with it alone for so long!

However I know the fact that I have lied has hurt him, and the fact that I didn't speak to him earlier. His exact words: 'why didn't you come to me before you let it get to 6 f*cking grand?!' ...a question I ask myself too. Mainly pride I think, and the fact that I was convinced I could get it sorted myself with nobody knowing, and he would have never had to know. Obviously when I began the DMP, I realised that when we eventually did go for a mortgage, I would fail the credit check and all the defaults etc. would be revealed.

Although I'm angry at his reaction, I don't know how I would have reacted had this been the other way around and so am trying to see it from his point of view at the moment.

missnb

dktreesea wrote: »

So your OH can afford to eat out at Maccie D's? if he is so intent on getting a mortgage how come he isn't buying in food and cooking you a nice meal instead of wasting his money at Maccie D's?

Yes! I admit part of me did want to physically hurt him at that moment!! Haha

missnb

Thanks for that. I know my OHs mum had debt problems and think this may be why he is so angry with me. However, he condemned his father's reaction towards his mum after the revelations of the debt - which in my opinion, should make him more sympathetic towards my situation?! So far he has reacted exactly as his dad did to his mum: in anger, frustration and without any sympathy/positivity. Odd!