It's all gone wrong....new house 2 months

carl_t

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balletshoes

not a lot to go on - but I think you both need to stop saying things you don't mean in the heat of the moment, ie grow up a bit.

marisco_2

So you and your partner had a fall out due in part to trust issues that she has. Obviously we aren't aware about what has caused these trust issues, or how well both of you have worked together previously to try and eliminate these from causing problems between you. During the argument you made a comment to her in the heat of the moment, that if things carry on as they are you will sell your home. The thing is you should never threaten to do that to someone you love. Lots of people dont trust easily. So when someone has placed their trust in you it is cruel to make them regret it or feel insecure. Being told that by a partner can devestate a person and does nothing to improve their trust in you.

All you achieved by making that threat was to blow any chance of her being willing to sit down, talk about everything and try to work through the problems you have. Instead she chose to walk out and has been gone for 2 nights with you not having any idea where she is. I dont condone her doing that either, to me it is not a grown up or respectful way to carry on in an adult relationship. It has no doubt caused you to end up with trust issues about her now and to be left questioning how she really feels about you. So to one mess there has now been added another and nothing has been resolved! It would seem your partner has taken your comment seriously and has been left thinking you dont care and has now given up on the pair of you. Perhaps she has no faith left in what you shared together. So she has contacted an estate agent and arranged for them to come round and do a market valuation of your home. Holding you in such little regard that she leaves it to the estate agents to inform you about this by email :eek:

What a totally awful mess, all of it avoidable. Communication is all but broken between the pair of you. I am sorry to be blunt but I am going to say it as I see it. I dont get the impression that either of you place very much value on your relationship. If you did you wouldn't treat each other so badly and with such utter contempt. Your partners recent actions suggest to me that she has now decided she wants out. If you really want to try and salvage things then you are going to have to track her down and have a very frank and open discussion with her. Be willing to do as much listening as talking is my advice.

duckeggblue

Your house is the place you go to feel safe, so to say you would take it away would make you feel - insecure. As said , you haven't given a lot to go on, I wondered if the trust issues were about money.Am I right that money is an issue for you? You say there are small issues on trust for her, are you sure they are small, or is that what you think?Perhaps the issues aren't small to her.Could I ask why you chose to part ex and lose £10,000, presumably this was something you both wanted?

Netwizard

A year seems very soon to decide to sell your own place and move in somewhere new together, especially if there were issues before all this.

If you can't talk things through like adults, and if she is going to leave and not turn up for days on end, or even let you know if she's safe, personally, I would want out. If its like this after just 12 months, what will it be like 3-4 years down the line? Would you be happy just ticking along in a relationship like this?

You both have your issues obviously, but she seems a little mental. £15k isn't that much in the grand scheme of things (when you consider what people lose when they are married and get divorced etc).

I'd get out now, as you both don't sound that well suited.

All my opinion obviously, and good luck to you

fluffnutter

Why are you worrying more about the money than you are sorting things out with the woman you profess to love?

valk_scot

Trust issues? Well, given that you threatened to make her homeless if things carried on like this (ie if she didn't behave?) by selling the house over her head, I'm not surprised that she's got a few trust issues. Sounds like she's had enough of your threats and she's left you. And called your bluff by contacting the estate agent.

I'm not sure I'd come back to you, no matter how much serious grovelling you did. Very few women respond positively to threats and bullying. I suggest you take a long serious think about this tbh. If someone feels they can't trust you, you have to ask yourself why and try to show that you are trustworthy, not make threats.

And there's no "Heat of the moment" excuses here either btw. That basically means you lost your temper at her, lost control of your mouth and made threats. Big warning flag for most women, you know, it makes them anxious that you might lose control of your fists next time. I'm not accusing you of hitting here here btw but any kind of temper fuelled threat like this is bordering on abusive behaviour, you know. Women don't like this.

And yes, if you're as concerned or more concerned about the money than her well...priorities here are a little skewed. You can't hold money over someone's head either as in "You owe me....".

If she comes back, you're lucky. I doubt it though.

TeamLowe

Maybe she feels you're trying to control her 'if this behaviour I don't like carries on I will make you homeless' would have me walking out the door as well. That might not be how you meant it but that could be how she took it. Is it the first time you've made that threat, however much it wasn't meant?

I'd also be upset at where I came on your list of priorities, coming second to a material possession...

claire16c

You both sound pretty immature tbh. You need to sort things out properly and flouncing off and making threats to each other isn't the way to do it.

Why would you knowingly sell your house for 10k less than you think it's worth?

duchy

Perhaps you thought things were "great" and the trust issues weren't of any great significance but she felt differently ?

If she didn't trust you over something and you brushed it off ....... or if you told her you didn't trust her over x y or z .....maybe trust means different things to each of you ?

I know if any partner of me told me they didn't trust me or if I felt I couldn't trust them....it'd likely be the end of the relationship as for me trust is everything.

ruby-roo_2

I think you both have a lot of growing up to do. Stop making empty threats, playing games and causing each other not to have any trust and start communicating properly.