Your childrens friends

shortdog

After posting on the Things you don't let your children do thread, I was thinking...
Do you let their children have friends in, are there any you won't let in the house?

My daughter plays out with her 2 best friends mainly, neither of whom are allowed friends in their house, which means, when it's cold or raining, they end up here. I'm quite happy for her to have her friends in and out, although it costs me a fortune in fruit and juice, but at least I know where they are, what they're doing, and who she's playing with. She runs in and out regularly with them, so much so that one of the mums phones me first when she's looking for her daughter, she's allowed sleepovers on a regular basis, and I normally have extras for lunch or tea at the weekend.

However, there are a few kids that she's not allowed to bring home - I can't stop her playing with them at school, or when she's out playing, but I won't have them here. One was caught lifting £20 out of my purse (mum, an alcoholic junkie thought it was funny:eek:), another was mean to my son every time she came in, but there is no real reason for the third, apart from the fact that the child annoys the living daylights out of me, for no particular reason, and I just cannot tolerate her in the house.

I was wondering what rules others have for their kids friends, are you like me, with an open house for them, or are they not allowed in at all?

Girlzmum

I'm quite happy to lets my girls friends come in and play (although I do wonder why they ask to use my loo when most of them live within 20 yards!) But I have recently had an issue with 2 girls that they've been playing with.

We live on a steep hill with a blind bend and during the recent snow DH found them with a crowd of much older children (they are 6 and 8, they were with a crowd of teenagers) throwing snowballs at cars as the came round the blind bend. He went over and explained that it was very dangerous and they really shouldn't throw snowballs at cars. About 30 minutes later he was driving out of our driveway to come get me from work and there was a knock on his window. It was the girls dad and he launched into a full on abusive rant on how dare he tell his children what to do, the teens had gone over to him and said DH had threatened his daughters and thrown one of them against a wall, and he then said 'If I wasn't just out of effing prison I'd effing slit your effing throat.' All of this was said in front of my daughters who were completely terrified.

Now, I'm not a rose tinted glasses person and if I thought there was any way DH had raised his voice to the kids I'd admit it but I know he didn't - if nothing else our girls saw the whole thing and said he had gone over and talked to the kids.

So I told them to stay away from these girls because I do not want their father back at my door. Problem is they still call to our house and my girls trot out happily to play with them!!! So if they come in wanting these girls to come into the house I have to say no.

balletshoes

The issues with kids stealing from me or being mean to others have not cropped up with dd,s friends so all her friends are welcome here. i,ve also not had any experience with her friends not being allowed to have friends in tbeir homes. having said that i work monday to friday school hours so my dd always has, and still does at age 12, ask in advance during the week before bringing friends home.
at weekends when i,m not at work she doesnt have to ask, her friends can drop in. when she was younger i regularly used to have half a dozen of the neighbours kids with my dd in our garden playing but if the weather wasnt good i sent them home~ i havent got room for that many kids marauding in the house.

valk_scot

I have mostly open house but I can think of three kids I've stopped having round.

First one was a 9 year old boy, a friend of my DS. His father was the local drug dealer and also used to hit his wife, I felt sorry for the boy at first but I had to discourage the friendship when said lad thought it okay to shout and swear at me, hit DD (then about 4), smash things up in the house when he was in a rage etc etc. I did try to talk to his mother but it was obvious that she had more than her son's behaviour in my house on her mind tbh. There were other things going on too, she did eventually leave her OH thank goodness. But at the time it didn't matter how sorry I felt for the boy, I couldn't encourage the friendship with my son.

Second one was the daughter of a new neighbour, she was a couple of years older than DD who was then 8. It seemed nice for DD to have a new local friend, but she came round A LOT. And then some more, until she would arrive straight after school, run home for her dinner then back till bedtime. And from 9am at the weekend. Her behaviour was okay, it's just that she was always there and when I would try to send her home, she would say her mum had gone out. I did speak to the mother who seemed to think it was quite okay, her DD preferred it round here and if I was going out then just to put her DD out the house even though the girl hadn't got a key and there was no-one home. I should also add that I wouldn't let my own daughter go round to the friends house, there was a dog that was a proven biter, the little girl had been bitten twice and my DD was terrified of it. (I don't have a problem with dogs in general btw.) During all this time it was starting to get a bit obvious that the girl was also starting to push my DD around a bit, not bullying exactly but dominating her, making her loan toys or give her stuff etc. And DD then decided she didn't want to play with her any more so I had the fun job of going round and explaining to the mother that the friendship was over and for her daughter not to come round any more. That was a conversation and a half, belive me.

Third one was when DD was about five, friend was the same age. Trouble there was that the girl wouldn't listen to anything I said. She would take her seatbelt off in the car, try to get out of the car while I was parking it, run across roads, run away from me, mess up stuff in the house, like squuezing all the toothpaste into the sink, fiddle with electric things...and if I said "Don't, we don't do this here, hourse riules etc etc" she'd just say I wasn't her boss, she didn't have to do what I told her. Yes, I spoke to the mother, who told me her daughter had always been "wileful". At which point I had to stop that child coming round too, I felt very uneasy at supposedly being in charge of a child of that age I didn't feel I could keep safe.

But that's only three in about 13 years and the house always seems to have kids going in and out, so not so very bad I don't think. I am very strict about "my house, my rules" though and I find the vast majority of the child visitors are perfectly fine with that, even the 16 year old teenage boys when I tick them off for being too rowdy..and I bring them pizza, so they like me, lol. I think kids know what's fair and they respect fair rules and they don't mind if you tick them off now and again if they know you've got a point. But if they won't be fair in return, and produce a decent standard of behaviour round here well, they don't get to come back. My own kids know this too, they tell their friends..."Behave, and mum will do anything for you, don't behave and she will be ticked off!"

I am off to make a batch of pizza dough...;)

missindecisive

There are no children that I won't let in the house, but then none have been as badly behaved as mentioned above.

However, I must admit over the years, there have been one or two that I have not warmed to, and have always watched the clock waiting for them to go home! Things like, climbing on the back of the sofa, handstands infront of the tv, rumaging through the kitchen cupboards for more food, helping themselves to extra icelollies from the freezer when theyve had 3 already, being cheeky...the list goes on. Yes, my own kids are not perfect, far from it, but they know how to behave at other peoples houses Im sure. :rotfl:

74jax

My house is an open house.

DD can have friends over and often does after school when I get in. I have her friends telephone numbers in case of emergency and if any one of them had a problem they know they can come to me.

They have sleepovers regularly and DD is often out at friend's houses too.

She has one 'friend' who is never to set foot in my house again, and I told her so and she respects that.

Everyone else is over all the time.

neneromanova

I had DD1's friend over, first ever friend to come over as well. Never again. She went snooping in our cupboards upstairs, found the Easter eggs and started eating them!! DD1 obviously joined in but still. Plus the child sat and just played with her food, wasting tomato ketchup and putting it everywhere but her mouth. Mothers response was "oh she's really fussy"... Sounds petty I know, but she had no manners what so ever and her mum was even here! :eek:

Think we should try with some of her other friends and see if they're better behaved or if its me being too strict.

Janepig

We don't have DD and DS's friends over that often. Mostly I'm not a very good hostess, I really stress out about it. When DD (mainly) goes to other friends' houses they bake cakes, have makeovers, etc... which sounds like my idea of hell tbh (bad mother, I know).

We also haven't had any sleepovers yet either. I was never allowed as a child so although I'm willing for DD/DS to go on sleepovers, which they've done, I don't really know how I'd cope with having them here! Also, DD/DS share a bedroom still so that would be a bit awkward and would cause arguments, particularly with DS wanting to join in with the girls and them being a bit reluctant to have little brother hanging around (although the last time one of DD's bf's came here about a fortnight ago the three of them played very nicely).

We haven't got any children living in the street either which is a shame and the children don't go to the nearest school so all their school friends are scattered about the town.

Jx

FatVonD

The only one of my son's friends that I won't have in the house is one that only wants to know him when there's nobody 'better' around. He's another that helps himself to drinks without asking and gets out of the car without saying thank you.

marisco_2

I am lucky to live in a nice area with lots of friendly and pleasant families around me. The children from our road and a few others nearby play with my sons outside on their bikes, scooters etc. They are a mix of ages and the older ones look after the littlies. There is a good, almost quite old fashioned, community feel round here.

I have got to know my sons friends parents well and feel comfy and at ease about my children visiting their homes to play. I often have a number of my sons friends over at my house too after school and at the weekends.

So far I haven't come across any children who I have not felt comfy about my sons mixing with or inviting back to our home. My children are around the ages now though, where they start to become a little more selective about who they mix with. I think it is important to let them make their own choices and to learn how to handle friendships. That said if a child visited my home who was not pleasant and polite or whom displayed behavioural problems as you have witnessed OP, then they would not be staying long or be asked back again.

victory

I can't think of any friends that have been a problem and banned from the house... it's always open and welcoming and anyone can pop in, so long as they don't misbehave and know the house rules (shoes off at the door on the mat before they go upstairs that type of thing) they have always been welcome...