Wife not interested in £££ - OK?

Bit of advice please.

My wife shows absolutely no interest in financial matters. She works full time and doesn't like to spend money as a rule. She is 100% into our kids, her job and has other interests - but money is not one of them.

So I basically run our household finances - pay all bills, make all decisions. I used to make comments from time to time along the lines of "do you think we should save X/ take insurance against Y?" but she always glazed over really quickly, so now I just do it.

Our wages go into a joint account & I take over from there.

For big spends like her car or holidays, we will talk over what sort of thing we want, and then she will go and choose something with the budget I suggest.

One of my concerns is that if I get hit by a truck, she will have absolutely no idea what and where our assets are- I guess I need to spell it out in a document somewhere? The other concern I have is that I'm not sure this is a particularly healthy way to run a modern family's finances. I also feel quite a responsibility not to screw up.

Any views? Is this an OK situation or do I try to change things?
«134

Comments

  • mcja
    mcja Posts: 4,077 Forumite
    edited 24 April 2013 at 1:12PM
    I had to check your user ID then...my hubby could have written that except I dont work. If he got hit off his bike tomorrow I would be scuppered.
    “Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”
  • LannieDuck
    LannieDuck Posts: 2,359 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I have a similar issue, although in reverse - my husband isn't really interested. He knows where all the paperwork is kept, and has a working knowledge of the different ISAs/bank accounts we have... but would probably miss some 'pots' if I asked him to list where all our money was.

    This has made me a little worried now. I shall also have a think about writing him a list...
    Mortgage when started: £330,995

    “Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.”
    Arthur C. Clarke
  • arbroath_lass
    arbroath_lass Posts: 1,607 Forumite
    One of my concerns is that if I get hit by a truck, she will have absolutely no idea what and where our assets are- I guess I need to spell it out in a document somewhere?

    Sounds sensible.
    The other concern I have is that I'm not sure this is a particularly healthy way to run a modern family's finances. I also feel quite a responsibility not to screw up.

    Any views? Is this an OK situation or do I try to change things?

    I assume your wife has responsibility for other things?

    You're in a partnership where jobs are "allocated" according to your strengths are you not? Why is that not an ok situation?

    I do all the financial stuff in mymarriage. If I screw up then I screw up. I've still done a better job than OH would have. That's not being rude about him.

    On the other hand I'd make one helluva mess doing DIY - that's one of his jobs.
  • Hezzawithkids
    Hezzawithkids Posts: 3,018 Forumite
    Am I married to you OP? ;)

    As someone has just said, we all play to our strengths. My OH loves playing around with numbers and spreadsheets while I find it all a big yawn. All our money goes into one account each month and he moves it around to wherever it needs to be. We do sit down on a regular basis to go over budgets and plan large expenditure (holidays, house improvements) and he has a record of all the accounts, passwords etc that I can access should he ever be hit by the proverbial bus.

    And while he's doing all of that I'm doing my own thing, whatever that happens to be. Usually the ironing ... :D
    £2 Savers Club 2016 #21 £14/£250
    £2 Savers Club 2015 #8 £250£200 :j

    Proud to be an OU graduate :j :j

    Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain
  • lippy1923
    lippy1923 Posts: 1,374 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    I know the feeling! My OH has no interest in money except spending it. His wages come into the joint account and I distribute it where it needs to go, bills, car, petrol, holiday etc. Then I give him pocket money once per month and he blows it :o

    I know what it's like to have all the responsibility, choosing car insurance, house insurance, making sure the bills get paid on time, what's the best way to pay etc. It's a lot of work when your on your own. I supose at least I know things will get done right lol.

    That stuff isn't too bad, it's when it comes to mortgage switching and I have to do it all on my own, it gets to me!!

    He's one of those people who doesn't even open his statement when it comes in, let alone look at the transactions! He has an ISA but doesn't understand or bother to learn what that is. So annoying sometimes.

    I was thinking of keeping a little list for him, but I think if I get hit by a bus today, I will have more fun watching him from the afterlife trying to sort himself out :) (evil laugh)
    Total Mortgage OP £61,000
    Outstanding Mortgage £27,971
    Emergency Fund £62,100
    I AM NOW MORTGAGE NEUTRAL!!!! <<Sep-20>>

  • Kayalana99
    Kayalana99 Posts: 3,626 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    Its the same here but oppsite way round.

    Be lucky your wife is not a big spender!! My OH spends all his usally in the first week and then struggles for the rest of the month

    I cant budget him I have tried so now I just leave him to it, after all its his spending money. (I seperate the bills from his spending money first lol)

    I wouldn't worry to much if the *worse* did happen people have a way of coping. She'd figure it out, although keeping a record of 'where' things are if its comlicated and letting her no wouldn't be the worsed idea...

    If anything was to happen at least she would know where to start, but I wouldn't try and change anything as people are who they are.
    People don't know what they want until you show them.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    I guess I need to spell it out in a document somewhere?

    I also feel quite a responsibility not to screw up.

    I did this with my parents' finances - over time they gradually handed over more and more control to me. I organised things so that my siblings could instantly see everything that was being done and so that, if anything happened to me, someone else could pick up the reins easily.

    If my OH had the nerve to complain about the financial decisions I'd made when he'd refused to get involved, he'd get short shift from me!
  • Birdie85
    Birdie85 Posts: 9,330 Forumite
    I don't see the point in changing things if they're working. :) We all have strengths and weaknesses and if your DW is happy not knowing and living within your means then leaver her be.

    My DH set up all of our utilities when we first moved in together, it's all in his name and it's never really occurred to me to think about it. I guess I ought to at least have a record of who we're with and account numbers etc should the worst happen and I need to take control over them! Converseley, he doesn't have much to do with our banking/mortgage so I really ought to leave him a list of our accounts so he'll know what to access/cancel should the worst happen to me. :o

    I've been meaning to do this for some time TBH but this has reminded me that it's time to take charge and actually make a list for both of us, although I dearly hope it'll never be needed. :)
    Overcome the notion that you must be ordinary. It robs you of the chance to be extraordinary!
    Goal Weight 140lb Starting Weight: 160lb Current Weight 145lb
  • comeandgo
    comeandgo Posts: 5,740 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    My parents have a loose leaf folder (well my mother has as its her who deals with the finance) and in its all the financial and other information required if she or both of them are run over by a truck. This folder is kept up to date, even has her plot number in the local graveyard in case my dad forgets!
  • pukkamum
    pukkamum Posts: 3,942 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I deal with all the finances in the house dh just isn't interested and is terrible with money, I was once accused of babying him but the way I look at it if this was a business you would only have one person or department dealing with the finances otherwise chaos would ensue.
    I have a ring binder with all the dates of direct debits, all passwords encrypted of course and all policies passports etc, not only for if something happened to me but so in the event of a fire I can grab the binder and know everything is in it.
    I don't get nearly enough credit for not being a violent psychopath.
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 343K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.6K Spending & Discounts
  • 235K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 607.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173K Life & Family
  • 247.7K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards