Divorce. How can I agree a fair settlement

justme111

If you are not entitled for help from state for your kids due to their age why do you think you are entitled for help from your ex for them ? If he wants to help them because he is their father he could do it himself , not being obliged to give it all to you so that you can give it to children . Ah , I see , solicitors say you can get it. That's fine then , just be honest and don't say you want it to be fair.

FBaby

Beware what solicitors tell you. They love to tell you that you can go for this and that, full of energy and enthusiasm, but when it comes down to it, judges are not always as sympathetic of a wife predicament especially with older children and a job.

Kynthia

Your solicitor is not impartial and is telling you the most they would argue to get for you. He can also get a solicitor that will tell him the most they would argue to get for him. Obviously you both won't get that, so it will be something in between less expensive solicitors' fees.

justme111

And then after solicitors war you are not going to feel like allies but enemies both bitter how could someone who used to be next of kin do it to you..
Op is right in trying mediation , there would be no 2 parties throwing dirt on each other there and no fees , please do not be tempted by probably a few grands more solicitor way as your nervous cells and good relationship with ex are worth more.

Treevo

clumsymoo wrote: »

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

As I explained in the original post, the facts are I have 2 children who will be staying with me and at the ages they are I will not be able to claim any kind of benefits, or seek help from say the CSA so although they are classed as non dependants they are still dependent on me for the foreseeable future. That is why I am thinking it may not be a straightforward 50/50.

I have spoken to 2 solicitors this week who have told me this and both also said he would have to prove that he needs the inheritance money which was put aside for our children's future.
They advised me that they look at things like loss of earnings when I was not working bringing up our family, future earnings, maintaining a standard of living.

We will both have aprox £120 k after the sale of the house but I am unlikely to be able to take on a mortgage on my part time wage and I have to stay in this area for the children. I will need a 2-3 bedroom house whereas he a 1 bedroom property and he has talked of moving away which would also be cheaper for him. He has options that I don't.

I can see we may need mediation and I'd love to hear from someone who has been through this.

It is complicated. These things always are.

Mediation would be your best bet to keep costs down. Solicitors will tell you what you can ask - not what you are likely to get.

Do you still own 25% of the house that your mother lives in? Because that's a marital asset too. I think you should consider your options carefully because you keeping everything that you think is 'yours' won't really be fair.

And unless the inheritance money was left to your children - you cannot expect the ring fence it as such because you've been lucky enou to be able to save it due to your husband paying all the bills.

Valli

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I don't think inheritance during the marriage is a matrimonial asset, though.

I was under the impression that it is; moreover when I was in the process of divorcing the ex Mr Valli I had to state whether or not I anticipated an inheritance in the near future (prior to the decree absolute, one assumes) as that too would be taken into account.

OP as has already been suggested, mediation may be the way forward with this; it will at least get you to a position where you can take some information into the court.

Valli

Netwizard wrote: »

Crikey, I just popped in to have a read of this. Didn't know you had to split things like inheritance and pensions 50/50! Certainly puts me off the idea of getting married ever!

Best of luck OP

Getting married isn't the problem - it's the divorce.

And 50/50 is a starting point. Sometimes the split can be 60/40 or even 70/30; it depends who brought what TO the marriage, how young (any) children are etc.

clumsymoo

Nearlyrich, I am 43 and OH is 52 we have been married for 25 yrs. I work 3 days a week in a school and OH is now self employed / electrician.
He has a very good pension from his last job where he was for over 20 yrs and I have been paying into my works one for 10 yrs as I took 10 yrs out to raise our family by mutual agreement.

clumsymoo

CH27. I have spoken to my children and trust me they won't want to stay with him. I can't go into personal detail but I assure you they won't.

Kayalana99

I don't think CH27 was clear but I think he just meant now and again? Not saying they still would but just saying I think they meant the odd night to see them etc a 1 bed wouldn't be big enough.

If you can agree things out of court it would be a hell of alot easier...but seemingly you are seeking more then 50%.

You have to remember its not about whats 'fair' and who has what now and what he will need.

Its about how the courts will see things, so you need to be able to fight a good case to get more then 50%

Your not in a good postion as you won't be entitled to alot of benifits because of the age of your children..if any.

I think the only way forward for you is to get a full time job...I know its not that simple but now your single with no children of benifit age (or will be soon) and have to run a household.

You will really struggle only working 3 days...I know you want whats best for your kids but maybe some kind of agreement with your ex not to sell the house untill your kids are older? He doesn't have to legally accept unless children are under 18 but if 17year old is doing a course and you can't stay in the area *maybe*? he will see its best for his kids?

Also just to add would it be worth 50/50 if this is the case? Saying to your ex we will do it 50/50 but on these conditions?

It doesnt sound like he is going to accept 60/40 out of court...so maybe in the long run for your kids sake that might be a good idea?