Separated, how much should I provide?

edited 31 August 2016 at 11:26AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    where can she go to find out what benefits she's entitled to? Surely because she's house owner they will consider that and any contribution from me etc?

    You can put a range of scenarios in a benefit check website - https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/benefits-check

    Try it with her still living at home and after she moves.

    Child maintenance payments aren't counted for benefits so everything you give would be on top of the benefits.
  • kezzygirlkezzygirl Forumite
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    Wow, I find it quite remarkable that she is expecting you to continue to pay for her at the rate you were before you left. She is obviously in denial about the whole thing. If my husband left, I would like to think I would not want his money and would try to carve a living for myself, thus not owing him anything. But, we are all different I suppose.

    I think that what you are offering is more than reasonable and its nice to see a Father who is considering these issues instead of walking away and not looking back. Do seek legal advice, though, as I get the feeling she would rinse you dry x
  • PurpleJayPurpleJay Forumite
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    Wow, I think you are being more than reasonable tbh. Your wife needs to claim benefits and accept that. It isn't like you only moved out last week and while she may be peed off at you, she cannot pretend this isn't happening, well not unless you let her.

    I think what you are giving your kids is fine and a separate issue to the child support and maintenance you give your wife. They are lucky you can afford to do this but helping them with driving lessons will benefit them hugely.

    You should separate your finances and get your wages paid into a separate account. Any sums in the joint account should be split and the account closed. You need to tell all the utility providers, council tax etc that you have moved out, get meter readings and close the account. Tell them your wife's details. Then they will contact her to set up direct debits or whatever. Are you paying direct debits here you/they don't need? Sky, expensive phone contracts, DVD rental, wife's gym membership - you get the idea! She needs to take responsibility.

    Have a play around with the benefits calculators. I have used entitledto.co.uk and there is lots of info on gov.uk. Do a google 'benefits entitlement. If your wife isn't keen, perhaps she doesn't know where to start looking. Present her with the info.

    Try and keep in touch with your children even if they are angry with you now.

    Good luck.
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  • LannieDuckLannieDuck Forumite
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    You're being very reasonable. If your wife consults a lawyer, I suggest you do the same, let them haggle it out, and then offer your wife the same deal she just rejected. I'll bet she bites your hand off!
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  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    LannieDuck wrote: »
    You're being very reasonable. If your wife consults a lawyer, I suggest you do the same, let them haggle it out, and then offer your wife the same deal she just rejected. I'll bet she bites your hand off!

    What I'm proposing is not final post divorce but for a period,
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    PurpleJay wrote: »
    Wow, I think you are being more than reasonable tbh. Your wife needs to claim benefits and accept that. It isn't like you only moved out last week and while she may be peed off at you, she cannot pretend this isn't happening, well not unless you let her.

    I think what you are giving your kids is fine and a separate issue to the child support and maintenance you give your wife. They are lucky you can afford to do this but helping them with driving lessons will benefit them hugely.

    You should separate your finances and get your wages paid into a separate account. Any sums in the joint account should be split and the account closed. You need to tell all the utility providers, council tax etc that you have moved out, get meter readings and close the account. Tell them your wife's details. Then they will contact her to set up direct debits or whatever. Are you paying direct debits here you/they don't need? Sky, expensive phone contracts, DVD rental, wife's gym membership - you get the idea! She needs to take responsibility.

    Have a play around with the benefits calculators. I have used entitledto.co.uk and there is lots of info on gov.uk. Do a google 'benefits entitlement. If your wife isn't keen, perhaps she doesn't know where to start looking. Present her with the info.

    Try and keep in touch with your children even if they are angry with you now.

    Good luck.

    Thanks will look into it and help her look, that what I want to do. We've had to work to budget in the past so we don't have sky, gym membership, I've not renewed my tennis club membership and other things I was into to reduce outgoings. So all that remains is gas and electric, council tax, buildings and content insurance, internet, house phone, gas service, water,
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    Thanks for everyone’s support and help on this here’s where we are up to:

    I proposed the following support for the transitional period before divorce and financial settlement is in place to encourage her to search for alternative income source:

    1 Household Direct debits £457
    2 Living allowance £543
    3 lease car £161
    4 children allowance £100
    5 Driving lessons £200

    There is no mortgage so just living costs and fuel for car to find. This is 40% of my take home and doesn’t leave me much as I have to pay rent, bills fuel and living costs for where I live plus £8K credit card debt to clear (0% to Feb13) so not sustainable and clearly not what I’d agree to in a final settlement. I gave her 2 weeks to consider and has come back as follows:

    Proposed to put house on the market, which I agree. She wants to leave joint account as it is to cover direct debits for bills etc for this period while selling. She suggests I change joint account to one name as all direct debits set up so I was thinking OK put it in her name only but I think she was thinking of putting it in mine? Her point is why change everything if we’re selling and she’s moving out but things can drag on? My pay goes into my personnel account and I transfer to cover each bill etc so joint is always on zero or in allowable overdraft.

    She has requested child tax credit pack but can take 2 weeks? She has also inquired about child benefit for youngest (17)?

    She also says to keep driving lesson as they are which is actually £63 a week which is £250 not the £200 I suggested but obviously the kids hate me already so I guess I have to let that go.

    She doesn’t want to speak to me so only will communicate through email. I suspect she’s been advised to sit tight for now and telling the kids that I’m cutting the money off etc so they hate me even more. I tried sending them text but no replies so I have to accept that whatever I do, how ever reasonable I’m being it won’t be seen that way, that’s down to my choices I see that.

    Regards

    JackRS
  • RASRAS Forumite
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    Has your wife actually signed on as unemployed which gives her £326 ish per month, plus she should get Council Tax benefit? She may have to pay a small portion under the new rules; check the local Council web-site as they all have different rules.

    How much child tax credit will she get (you can model this on the www.turn2us.org.uk web-site.

    So if the Council Tax is included in the Direct Debits, remove the sum in excess of the unemployed contribution immediately.

    With reference to the joint account, tell her that if she wishes it to be in her name, you are happy to remove your own name. Do not continue other wise as late payments on her behalf or defaults will wreck your credit record and she could run up a lovely overdraft for which the bank chase you.
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  • RASRAS Forumite
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    My guess is that she will receive £400-500 per month benefits on top of what you are paying her.
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    RAS wrote: »
    Has your wife actually signed on as unemployed which gives her £326 ish per month, plus she should get Council Tax benefit? She may have to pay a small portion under the new rules; check the local Council web-site as they all have different rules.

    No she says as it's JSA you have to go and apply for jobs etc which is as it should be but because she is moving south in 3 months she doesn't think she'll be able to get benefit or a job for that length of time so basically doesn't think it's avialbale to her?
    Regards

    JackRS
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