Separated, how much should I provide?

edited 31 August 2016 at 12:26PM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    Could you manage for another few months and then move back into the house when she leaves?

    Well that's a consideration.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    Will your 17 year old want to move or stay in the family home with you?
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    Will your 17 year old want to move or stay in the family home with you?

    He wants to stay with his mum, doesn't want anything to do with me which is understanable as I'm the one to have left.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • gizmo111gizmo111 Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    He wants to stay with his mum, doesn't want anything to do with me which is understanable as I'm the one to have left.

    Not understandable at all - at his age he needs to be making decisions not taking sides.
    Wife needs to accept things are going to change and you do as well. Give her the minimum she is entitled to ie 20% of salary and then you have plenty of room to negotiate cars etc, however you cannot be expected to keep her in this lifestyle, she now has to take some responsibility for herself and not rely on you.

    What are your plans for ths house?
    Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    gizmo111 wrote: »
    Not understandable at all - at his age he needs to be making decisions not taking sides.
    Wife needs to accept things are going to change and you do as well. Give her the minimum she is entitled to ie 20% of salary and then you have plenty of room to negotiate cars etc, however you cannot be expected to keep her in this lifestyle, she now has to take some responsibility for herself and not rely on you.

    What are your plans for ths house?

    Well I have offered a 1000 which is more than 20% and she says not acceptable, phoned me today calling me unreasonable and a few other names you may imagine. She doesn't see why she can't just carry on as we were for the next 3 months. I've suggested further discussions with the 4 of us but now she says she wants some legal and financial advice before agreeing anything which I've encouraged.

    The house ultimately will need to be sold as we will take a share in it etc. One option is for me to move back in when she has left.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRS wrote: »
    My wife has a car which I pay for (lease scheme through work) the monthly standing order/direct debit bills are £650 so I thought I'd cover that and give them £1000 a month to live on. On top of that I'm paying for both children’s driving lessons at the moment.

    Want to divorce me?

    That is frankly a stupid amount of money to be handing over.
  • edited 26 April 2013 at 6:55PM
    JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    edited 26 April 2013 at 6:55PM
    Dovah_diva wrote: »
    Want to divorce me?

    That is frankly a stupid amount of money to be handing over.

    Since that earlier post I've taken on board the advice and proposed as mentioned in 2 posts up from this (see post 49 on page 3 more details). Please note this is not divorce settlement this is proposal to cover the separation period. We've been separated nearly 4 months now, so I'm suggesting to make a financial agreement for this period. However she's expecting complete funding for this period and maybe that's what we will agree to?

    Should I go to solicitor yet or see what we can agree to first?
    Regards

    JackRS
  • CH27CH27 Forumite
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    I'd see a solicitor first then you know where you stand legally.
    Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.
  • If she is not happy with what you have offered which seems more than reasonable - as much as i hate to say it you will probably need a solicitor, you can only work out finances etc yourselves if it is very amicable, a word of caution - just because she says she is moving in three month does not mean that she will so if you let it drift you may find yourself in the same position many months down the line.
    The bottom line is you also deserve a life
  • AmesAmes Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    Since that earlier post I've taken on board the advice and proposed as mentioned in 2 posts up from this (see post 49 on page 3 more details). Please note this is not divorce settlement this is proposal to cover the separation period. We've been separated nearly 4 months now, so I'm suggesting to make a financial agreement for this period. However she's expecting complete funding for this period and maybe that's what we will agree to?

    Should I go to solicitor yet or see what we can agree to first?

    You're encouraging her to get legal advice and considering not seeing a lawyer yourself? Are you some kind of masochist that wants to get taken to the cleaners?

    It doesn't matter what she's expecting, but what she's entitled to. Which is probably less than you're offering.

    Without knowing your income it's hard to say whether 1k is too much or not enouh - if you're a premiership footballer then it's stingy. If you earn 1100 a month then it's far too much.

    It's great that you're thinking of your ex so much, but you need to think of yourself too. Main priority for both of you should be the kids and what they need.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
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