Separated, how much should I provide?

edited 31 August 2016 at 12:26PM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
3.3K replies 590.4K views
12467331

Replies

  • OrkneyStarOrkneyStar Forumite
    6.8K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    duchy wrote: »
    Hardly the same thing ...it wasn't a choice he made presumably.

    I do think the OP should think about what the changes and how they impact may also impact on his present and future relationships with his kids.

    The point being life is not always the way you 'want' it, it will do them no harm to get a part-time job.
    :heartpuls :heartpuls :heartpuls
  • duchy wrote: »
    He didn't appear to "expect it" whilst he lived in the family home however !

    I think I'd have felt quite allienated if my father left and then informed me I needed to get a job to help him fund his new single lifestyle (from a teenager's perspective)

    He seemed to expect it when you consider the fact that the eldest had a job previously.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
    1.1K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭
    Loz01 wrote: »
    I think if your kids want driving lessons they should find a Saturday/part time job and fund it themselves, I got a job in Argos when I was 16 and by the time I was 17 every weeks money was going on driving lessons and insurance for my first rusty car.

    Edit: I worked there while I was taking four A Levels at sixth form, so dont let them use that as an excuse to not finding a job, a few hours a week wont hurt.

    With you 100% I worked doing all sorts from 13 to save enough to buy my first car and to pay for driving lessons. And the time thing, if my son spent 25% of the time he spends on X-box doing his A-levels he'd be flying.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRS wrote: »
    With you 100% I worked doing all sorts from 13 to save enough to buy my first car and to pay for driving lessons. And the time thing, if my son spent 25% of the time he spends on X-box doing his A-levels he'd be flying.

    It was a much easier time to find a part time job then. And driving lessons and running a car was infinitely cheaper than it is now.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
    1.1K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭
    FBaby wrote: »
    Personally I don't think it is so much your children who should be finding jobs to be self reliant but your ex. However, if she has never worked, that's not going to be easy.

    What is a pity is that you don't seem to have explain from the start that although you were happy to continue to support them at quite a high level, so that in essence, she doesn't need to get a job, this would be temporary and therefore she would need to start planning her life without your support.

    No it has been discussed and she is looking for employment and I will obviously not see them suffer I just came on here to get others opinions experience etc and some guidelines to consider.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
    1.1K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭
    duchy wrote: »
    He didn't appear to "expect it" whilst he lived in the family home however !

    I think I'd have felt quite allienated if my father left and then informed me I needed to get a job to help him fund his new single lifestyle (from a teenager's perspective)

    I think I mentioned before they have both had jobs in the past it's just coincidence that they currently don't, they've had interviews just not been successful. The point for the children to be earning is for themselves not for the household.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • bodmilbodmil Forumite
    931 Posts
    JackRS wrote: »
    With you 100% I worked doing all sorts from 13 to save enough to buy my first car and to pay for driving lessons. And the time thing, if my son spent 25% of the time he spends on X-box doing his A-levels he'd be flying.

    What on earth has that got to do with how much maintenance you pay your family? You're his father, always have always will. Don't say he's just magically become lazy now you've left.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
    1.1K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭
    bodmil wrote: »
    What on earth has that got to do with how much maintenance you pay your family? You're his father, always have always will. Don't say he's just magically become lazy now you've left.

    Indeed this relates to the situation before I left, has nothing to do with the maintenance. Just the situation, he's looking for a job the point we were making and obviously not very well is that having a saturday or evening job doesn't have to effect their studies as they don't use much of their free time to study. I was suggesting that 25% of free time to study would be a massive increase. This is more a reflection on how I've failed to motivate him to put time into his A levels, before I left.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • edited 19 April 2013 at 1:08AM
    duchyduchy Forumite
    19.5K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited 19 April 2013 at 1:08AM
    It's affect not effect ...perhaps if you'd not spent so much time working when you could have studied you'd know that !

    Forgot to add your wife should also be taking legal advice seperately to yours. Legal aid is no longer available so you will need to budget for it for both of you.... I'm not sure if you're just trying to not give too much away or if she is as passive in these descions and without opinion as you seem to imply.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • duchy wrote: »
    It's affect not effect ...perhaps if you'd not spent so much time working when you could have studied you'd know that !

    Forgot to add your wife should also be taking legal advice seperately to yours. Legal aid is no longer available so you will need to budget for it for both of you.... I'm not sure if you're just trying to not give too much away or if she is as passive in these descions and without opinion as you seem to imply.

    Is there a particular reason you're taking so much of your own anger out on the OP?
This discussion has been closed.
Latest MSE News and Guides

Virgin Media & O2 launch Volt

Aims to boost mobile data & broadband speeds

MSE News

Cheap pet insurance

Top comparisons & hot deals

MSE Guides