Separated, how much should I provide?

edited 31 August 2016 at 11:26AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    If she goes to a solicitor, she may get one who looks at what you're offering compared to what she's legally entitled to and tell her how good your offer is -

    OR she may get one who looks at what you're offering and thinks - he obviously doesn't know what his legal obligations are so I'll squeeze him for as much as possible.

    Get your own legal advice - start with what is set down by the law and work up from there, allowing enough for yourself so you can rebuild your life.
  • gizmo111gizmo111 Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    Since that earlier post I've taken on board the advice and proposed as mentioned in 2 posts up from this (see post 49 on page 3 more details). Please note this is not divorce settlement this is proposal to cover the separation period. We've been separated nearly 4 months now, so I'm suggesting to make a financial agreement for this period. However she's expecting complete funding for this period and maybe that's what we will agree to?

    Should I go to solicitor yet or see what we can agree to first?

    it doesn't matter what she will or wont agree to just pay what she is entitled to. I would advise caution when setting figures as you risk being caught in the trap of setting a precedent and keeping her expectations high. You really do not need your kids involved in this - it is putting too much responsibility on them.
    TELL your wife what yo uare going to pay and get an estate agent round to value the house.
    Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    gizmo111 wrote: »
    it doesn't matter what she will or wont agree to just pay what she is entitled to. I would advise caution when setting figures as you risk being caught in the trap of setting a precedent and keeping her expectations high. You really do not need your kids involved in this - it is putting too much responsibility on them.
    TELL your wife what yo uare going to pay and get an estate agent round to value the house.

    She got one round last week. I'm really talking about this transitional period not what will finally pay, as she has no other source so if I just pay what she's entitled to they will all suffer especially the children. So it's more about minimising teh effect on the children and ensuring we have an agreed short term plan to move forward. Then we will work out what's right for beyond that time and divorce.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    Ames wrote: »
    You're encouraging her to get legal advice and considering not seeing a lawyer yourself? Are you some kind of masochist that wants to get taken to the cleaners?

    It doesn't matter what she's expecting, but what she's entitled to. Which is probably less than you're offering.

    Without knowing your income it's hard to say whether 1k is too much or not enouh - if you're a premiership footballer then it's stingy. If you earn 1100 a month then it's far too much.

    It's great that you're thinking of your ex so much, but you need to think of yourself too. Main priority for both of you should be the kids and what they need.

    No clearly I know I need solicitor just working out which one to go to is there a website which has reviews etc for ones in your area etc appreciate it's not like selecting a hotel etc.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    I'm really talking about this transitional period not what will finally pay, as she has no other source so if I just pay what she's entitled to they will all suffer especially the children.

    So it's more about minimising teh effect on the children and ensuring we have an agreed short term plan to move forward.

    Then we will work out what's right for beyond that time and divorce.

    You sound very nice and very reasonable! I hope, for your sake, that she will be co-operative.
  • gizmo111gizmo111 Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    She got one round last week. I'm really talking about this transitional period not what will finally pay, as she has no other source so if I just pay what she's entitled to they will all suffer especially the children. So it's more about minimising teh effect on the children and ensuring we have an agreed short term plan to move forward. Then we will work out what's right for beyond that time and divorce.

    But she does have other sources of income - she can claim benefits. You can still make the sure the children have what you want to give them, bu she seriously needs to accept the situation and take responsibility for at least getting some income into the home, which she wont do until youstop paying her - you can always give her extra whilst she is waiting for benefits to come through when she has made the claim.
    Mama read so much about the dangers of drinking alcohol and eating chocolate that she immediately gave up reading.
  • AmesAmes Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    She got one round last week. I'm really talking about this transitional period not what will finally pay, as she has no other source so if I just pay what she's entitled to they will all suffer especially the children. So it's more about minimising teh effect on the children and ensuring we have an agreed short term plan to move forward. Then we will work out what's right for beyond that time and divorce.

    Get your own estate agent valuation too! If it's going to be sold then it doesn't really matter, but if there's going to be a buy out by one party then it does. If you buy your wife out based on her valuation, you could be overpaying by a lot.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • AmesAmes Forumite
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    Also, you need to be keeping records of everything you pay to her - which is why you need your own bank account. How will you cope if next payday she empties the account? You also need to make sure that if/when it goes to court for a settlement you don't have to pay double, as she can claim she's had nothing from you and you can't prove she has.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    gizmo111 wrote: »
    But she does have other sources of income - she can claim benefits. You can still make the sure the children have what you want to give them, bu she seriously needs to accept the situation and take responsibility for at least getting some income into the home, which she wont do until youstop paying her - you can always give her extra whilst she is waiting for benefits to come through when she has made the claim.
    where can she go to find out what benefits she's entitled to? Surely because she's house owner they will consider that and any contribution from me etc?
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    Ames wrote: »
    Get your own estate agent valuation too! If it's going to be sold then it doesn't really matter, but if there's going to be a buy out by one party then it does. If you buy your wife out based on her valuation, you could be overpaying by a lot.
    No it'll be sold neither of us can buy the other out
    Regards

    JackRS
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