How do I get myself into these situations?

SunshineButterfly

Thanks all and the friend who introduced him to me is no longer his friend due to how he has been! But he would happily tell him how it is if I needed him to.

Will read the link above now

thorsoak

The advice that I give to you is - make sure you leave time to change the sheets before you change bedfellows ......in other words, ensure that one relationship is completely severed before embarking upon another.

You were certain that the relationship was over - but your erstwhile partner was not - he thought he could still "get you back". Just make sure that you do make it clear - even if it has to be by being brutally honest.

duckeggblue

Ring the police and go and have a chat with them, they will have officers specially trained to deal with domestic violence. I strongly suspect this man is also suffering some kind of undiagnosed mental condition. You don't have to make any official complaint, just flag up what's happening at the moment.Please x

SunshineButterfly

When I say I slept with him a few times this was way before I even considered my first date. And it was also made clear it was a bit of fun. I was obviously naive in thinking it were possible to have harmless fun and it not go further. I've def learnt for next time!
And I also won't be "bedding" the new fella for quite a while to ensure things hopefully go smoothly.

Janey3

Reading this brought back memories of many years ago, before mobiles etc., I moved miles away from him but he still found me. He wrote to my new place of employment, he phoned me during working hours, he befriended my neighbour who was an old lady, so he could keep up to date with my movements. I tried to ignore him and then he told me sob stories like he was very ill and in hospital, but none of it was true. He sent requests to the BBC to play songs for me.The list goes on. He found my private number and started phoning me in the middle of the night. That was it for me, I had become a nervous wreck. I phoned the Police and they were very sympathetic and helpful and I never heard from him again although upon my marriage to my now husband, he sent a card! Don't let him into your house, and as others have said, keep daily notes of texts etc., and I would mention it to the Police - He is unstable. Sorry if I've scared you, but you should do something about him now. Please let us know what course of action you take and I'm thinking of you.

duckeggblue

This is secondary right now, but women who have been in abusive relationships repeatedly repeat those abusive relationships, with them getting progressively worse..Scary thought isn't it? There is an online course which costs £10 to do
https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk


part of it is called " living with the dominator" and it shows you the behaviour to look out for to avoid getting entrapped in these type of relationships again and again, and " unlearn" what we have been " brainwashed" and " trained" to believe.It will also be useful to teach these things to your children.x

geoffky

Restraining order.....Prompto

SunshineButterfly

Thanks all. Have woken to an essay of a text. Just going to ignore.

Tygermoth

txt back one line.

samaratans.co.uk (with the correct spelling lol)

and send it every time he texts. do not read texts or letters just cut, paste n send back.

Stop any interaction dead. repeating the same thing over and over is the best method. it was the only thing that de escalated my situation to a manageable level.

Mine was introduced by a friend of a friend. He saw me at a party and decided we were going to be together. We would have conversations about how he had to stop (I was in a committed relationship) he would agree and be all contrite.... and the next day £500 quids worth of flowers would arrive saying he had thought about it and we were meant to be together so he would wait for me to come to my senses.

He drove to London and knocked at my parents and told them i was supposed to be meeting him there. They let him in to wait and as i 'was late' they fed him, showed him baby pictures and told him childhood stories.

It just didn't stop, i got poems, letters, he sneaked in to my uni to sit in the same lectures as me. He bought me a car (with my name spray painted up the side no less) He broke in to my student house so often my house mates gave up trying to keep him out. He was relentless. OD threats, Maiming threats, threats of going to my uni and telling them lies about me. Pleading for my attention, professing of love, promises of a beautiful home together... it went on and on.

This went on for nearly three years - it came to a head after there was a scuffle with the guy i was seeing and him (i was ill and the stalker thought he could look after me better) We went to the police. They did nothing. We went to his parents (one of who was very influential) and that managed to calm him down some what for about 6 months.

It didn't slow down until i moved away but to this day (well over 10 yrs now) I get a welcome to your new home card every time i move just so he can show me he knows where i am. Significant birthday or event cards to show he keeps tabs on me... creeps me out.

Nowadays the police are more proactive so i would personally advise you call your local station and ask to speak to the relevant team.

*This guy fixated on me - we had no relationship at all. we talked at a party, that was it. I hate to think how bad he would have been if we kissed or slept together - you have my sincere sympathies OP.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

Thanks all. Have woken to an essay of a text. Just going to ignore.

Have you thought of getting a new SIM card? And not telling him the number.