How do I get myself into these situations?

Bangton

Did you actually want to be friends with him? This sounds like someone you met and had casual sex with (for want of a better phrase) but wanted rid and have ended up stuck with him so as not to cause hurt. Rather than actually wanting to be friends with him if you see what I mean.

To be honest before anything else I'd probably tell him I didn't think the friendship was working, you don't want to hurt him but you need space. He is way way too full on. Then distance yourself...without contact from you chances are he will back off even if it takes a while for him to get used to it.

If he does start to turn into a stalker then you know what to do.......

londonsurrey

If he ODs, it's absolutely not your problem. You've done what you could, and offered to help. He refused.

[Deleted User]

spiritsfree wrote: »

The man is obviously a fruit cake.......and what he does is his responsibility...get the hell away from him !!!

Agreed ... not only a fruit cake but sound like a few nuts thrown in for good measure ...

thehappybutterfly

All he wants is your attention so don't give him it - he'll view all and any type of contact as encouragement. Delete his number - in fact, can you change your number? Then again, he knows where you live so he'd just come for a 'visit'. If he does come to the house, do not answer the door, come to the window etc. Ignore him for as long as you can then if he won't go away, phone the police. Don't give him any warning though. Even if he's screaming, kicking the door down, waving a knife around - ignore him and dial 999 and wait for the police to deal with.

Keep any texts, emails, letters etc. as evidence should you need it. Even months later.

What a nightmare - he sounds psychotic. Or 15.

ETA: and well done on getting out of your first marriage.

londonsurrey

Well done that man. Way to convince the lady that she did the right thing in dumping you!

SunshineButterfly

I had told him many times I want space. Yet each time I am sucked back in by his emotional instability (or that's how he comes across iygwim?).

Sort of like... mither mither mither mither mither until I give in.. with no breathing space. And I suppose from my past relationship with my husband experiencing DV I am susceptible to giving in to avoid confrontation.

I will ignore and hope for the best It will be hard not to reply when I get essays of how I am hurting him, how he is all alone and so on and so on.
But I guess thats the easier solution. If he starts turning up on the other hand.. that will be more difficult. (Hes even been known to park a few streets away from me before now whilst texting to ask if I am free!).

It just feels currently as though I will be looking over my shoulder wondering if he is following and watching

And to the person who asked it started as a sort of acquaintance friendship, but suddenly he started inviting himself to everything and turning up. So yes I guess I was forced into it in a way?

londonsurrey

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

I had told him many times I want space. Yet each time I am sucked back in by his emotional instability (or that's how he comes across iygwim?).

And to the person who asked it started as a sort of acquaintance friendship, but suddenly he started inviting himself to everything and turning up. So yes I guess I was forced into it in a way?

You're probably a terribly nice person, very much into helping and people pleasing, even if you're not totally aware of the people pleasing aspect.

Bravo for that bit about womaning up. It's exactly the ticket. A bit of attitude is great, which is unfortunately what they tell "nice" girls is very, very rude. Rubbish. A touch of sass stops the chancers in their tracks, and spices up a girl.

As for being forced, as soon as you give yourself permission to stop being so nice, and to be more sarcastic, throw in a few "Oy, what do you think you're doing"s, you'll find that nutters generally will stop smelling blood and marking you as an easy target. (Done it myself - I was a terribly, terribly nice gal, who couldn't understand why the nutter kept on spotting me!) Good luck.

marisco_2

You need to contact the police. You are suffering harrassement and whenever you make attempts to reason with this guy he is choosing to ignore this. From what you describe he is becoming increasingly unstable and volatile. Dont put up with it. Also dont listen to any empty threats of his that he will do himself harm. This is a known form of controlling behaviour from people intent on getting their own way. He sounds certifiable!

thehappybutterfly

What about the friend who introduced you? Could you have a word with them about having a word with him?

Lilith1980

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

I will ignore and hope for the best It will be hard not to reply when I get essays of how I am hurting him, how he is all alone and so on and so on.
But I guess thats the easier solution. If he starts turning up on the other hand.. that will be more difficult. (Hes even been known to park a few streets away from me before now whilst texting to ask if I am free!).

If you feel it will be hard to ignore if you read his texts then I would suggest putting them in a saved folder on your phone but trying not to read them if you can? As much as he might go on and on and on, don't give in and react to him as he sounds like he feeds off your reactions.

You are not responsible for his actions, if he takes his own life then that is his choice and nothing to do with you.

I would be concerned regarding stalking though. Keep all texts and make notes of whenever he comes round (although don't answer the door to him). Perhaps it would be a good idea to inform the police now and continue keeping records so you can pass these onto them.

This might be a helpful site for you.