Divorce & issues

nippy26

To cut a long story short, hubby has been having an affair for 4 months. We have been together for 12 years, but only married for 2 of those. We currently have a house together (purchased in September) with mortgage in joint names. I have always earnt over double what he has and we have never really wanted for much. Having denied everything and continuously lying to me, he came clean when confronted by the evidence (text messages she sent to me on his phone to confirm the affair). He claims he is not seeing her anymore but I feel he is still lying. He begged me to go back and after giving it some thought I felt I needed to give my marriage another chance. However he did not even give it a try and wasn't bothered. He agreed we needed a divorce. He went out the other week and didn't come back. I told him to collect his things but he has only been back to collect 'essentials'. He has been drawing small amounts of money from the joint account daily but has withdrawn a much larger amount today. This only leaves me half of our 'agreed' minimum payment towards the bills each fortnight. I have now cleared the account and had it frozen to avoid missed payments or debts from occuring. He has not issued a forwarding address and generally has no cares in the world. He has said he wants half of the house too. I asked if he would agree to a split in the ratio of our earnings and he said he would call me a couple of days ago to let me know.

Life is generally unbearable at the moment - I'm left to sort all the finances, sell the house, deal with a solicitor, pets, plus pack his belongings away and get them moved to a relative! How is this justice when all I've done in 12 years is love my husband and give him my all???

Not sure about what to do next - haven't seen a solicitor yet but will do in next day or so. Do I put the house on the market now or file for divorce first??

Sorry to be a burden:-(

tanith

Oh Nippy so sorry to hear your story ((((((hugs))))))))) life sure is a !!!!! sometimes....

I am sure there is no need for hurry , just give yourself time to digest things and deal with your emotions... ... you need to think about things before you start the ball rolling on lots of things at once... Do you have family you can lean on? There isn't any hurry to start divorce proceedings straight away is there? Don't let him decide the pace that things will go... just let him get on with things while you take stock and then you will see things more clearly... I hope you come back so that everyone can give you good advice along the way... but first and foremost look after yourself.....

Shineyhappy

Sorry to hear you are in such a horrid position.

Are you sure you want to sell the house? I would really talk to a solicitor and find out where you stand. It will take time to get valuations done for your home so if you are feeling restless you could always get a few done now.

I have recently been through a similar position except we werent married and it was 4 years not 12 and we earned similar sums.

You arent a burden and you do need support so keep posting!

Curious_George_2

nippy26 wrote: »

pack his belongings away and get them moved to a relative!

there is a very quick and easy way of doing this...
you text and tell him his stuff will be in bin bags outside tomorrow morning and you suggest he or someone on his behalf comes and gets them (before the bin man!)

I believe this is standard procedure.
good luck with every thing else xXx

looby75

I haven't really got much advice for you other than don't rush into anything, when you first find out that you have been betrayed so badly it's very hard to think about anything objectively and you sometimes make decisions that you regret later.

My ex had an affair after we had been married for 11 years and left me for her so I know exactly how you feel right now. Please take as much time as you need before you do anything drastic such as selling the house. Let the dust settle then go and see a solicitor, many give the first appointment for free so you can decide then how best to proceed (((((hugs)))))

moj1966

Don't do anything in haste. Im going through a divorce, just take your time and think about things fully before making any decisions.

Take care of your self.

Bettyboop

If I were you I wouldn't pack his stuff up. Put all his belongings outside on the pavement and he can collect them from there! Why is this your problem when you have suffered the most. Ask your neighbours to keep a close eye on your house as you don't want it cleaned out while you are at work. Good Luck.

skint_spice

Sorry to be the odd one out, but legally (perhaps not morally) he has every right to have his stuff in the house as he is still in joint ownership. He also has to pay half the mortgage though until the house is sold or things are settled. I had to pay for about 8 months until things were settled with my ex-husband.
I'd see a solicitor asap to find out what you're entitled to but I have a feeling they will still suggest the 50:50 split. Hope things pick up for you though - and there is life after divorce!

nippy26

Thanks very much for all your kind words of support. I understand and agree re belongings, but I cannot contact him at all as I have his mobile (in case of evidence re adultery). His work say I can leave a message, but that's all. He doesn't return calls or make any contact at all. I don't even have a forwarding address.

His belongings are the least of my worries in lots of respects, and he has given me back the original set of keys to the house. There is nothing to say that he has not had an additional set made . The amount of money withdrawn in a week is not even half the amount required to pay the mortgage. I am bothered by this, but know I can pay it on my own if need be, so at least the house will not be reposessed or anything.

I shall be speaking with a solicitor later today and will have to explain what he is doing on a financial front. He even attempted to withdraw money from a credit card yesterday!! They are now all cancelled, but am worried he is now stooping to a new low. Without making excuses for him, this is not my husband and I just cannot believe he can be so nasty and vindictive all of a sudden. I am also worried that he will now appear on my doorstep and with a short temper I am worried for myself.

I don't particularly want to sell the house, but it appears there will be no other option if I have to give him half the equity. There is no real rush apart from my desire to rid myself of this awful situation asap.

looby75

if he does turn up on your doorstep and starts being abusive close the door in his face and call the police. You do not have to live in fear of him or what he might do.

belfastgirl23

You def need to see a solicitor and/or CAB to help you sort out the legal side of things. Particularly if you will be paying the mortgage solo for a while you need to find a way to have that recognised. TBH if his stuff isn't bothering you I'd be inclined to let that lie but to make it clear that when you move out you won't be taking it with you (via solicitors letter if you're worried about him recieving mail). That way it's either his problem or the next owner's problem. Unless it's getting to you that it's around in which case designate one room or the garage and put it all in there. You def shouldn't be taking responsibility for it though. Finally on the key front, a visit from a locksmith isn't all that expensive, I'd get the locks changed just to be sure. It would maybe cost you £100 but I think would be worth it for peace of mind unless money is incredibly tight.

Hope things work out for you, sounds like you'll be better off out of this relationship, though I know it's hard to see it at the time...