Divorce & issues

nippy26

Al_Mac wrote: »

Any debts in his name only are down to him, I assume you don't mean a joint account only he uses? You haven't been opening his post have you?!?

I honestly mean it now - he rarely, if ever, gets post and I just opened the letter yesterday - I still didn't realise it was regarding his own account until I obviously got confused about it being overdrawn:o

The account is his own personal one which I thought was closed, but clearly not. Someone had mentioned any debts incurred meant I could be liable - I agree if in joint names and purely hoped it was nothing to do with me if he goes overdrawn in his own account...

nippy26

:j Just thought I'd bounce the thread!

I just feel like I'm in limbo waiting as he's failed to turn up to our agreed meeting again today. I have no contact number (except his work) but he won't sit down and talk about finances or anything. His stuff is all here still - feel like sticking it on ebay, but know I can't do that:) Can't sell the house as I need his signature but can't get to him. He says he hasn't got legal advice - but is clearly being lead by someone! Any ideas on what I can do apart from just sit here and wait??? I've been boxing some of my things up as I'm slowly coming to the realisation that I'll have to sell my home:-(

Sorry for being a pain by keep posting but I'm lost...

wendb69

Just to let you know that I have and am in the same situation but with children (thank god your not in that situation)!!!


Just a few pointers:

1. The locks.. no you can not change them - but you can ADD to them. Your a woman alone in the house. That was my solicitors advice.

2. Try not to get any other 3rd party, including his work involved - this could work against you if you should go to court.

3. Dont worry too much about getting him to sign papers etc - there is something in the law now called CONDUCT which means the other party has to abide by certain guide lines and if he does not a judge has the right to sign papers on his behalf.

4. Make sure all the credit card companies are aware that he no longer lives with you. He may try and get post redirected from your address which is his which may entail the application of new credit cards.

5. Tell local Council that you are on your own and you will get a discount on council tax.

Kind regards

nippy26

wendb69 wrote: »

Just to let you know that I have and am in the same situation but with children (thank god your not in that situation)!!!


Just a few pointers:

1. The locks.. no you can not change them - but you can ADD to them. Your a woman alone in the house. That was my solicitors advice.

2. Try not to get any other 3rd party, including his work involved - this could work against you if you should go to court.

3. Dont worry too much about getting him to sign papers etc - there is something in the law now called CONDUCT which means the other party has to abide by certain guide lines and if he does not a judge has the right to sign papers on his behalf.

4. Make sure all the credit card companies are aware that he no longer lives with you. He may try and get post redirected from your address which is his which may entail the application of new credit cards.

5. Tell local Council that you are on your own and you will get a discount on council tax.

Kind regards

Thanks very much although I feel with no. 2 there is nothing else I can do. He will not give a place of residence or any contact number. The only place I know he goes to is his work. Any ideas what else I can do in that regard?

I have notified all credit card companies with whom I hold accounts - surely the courts could do something if he redirected post like credit card applications? That's ridiculous and I hadn't even thought of it!

wendb69

Nippy, maybe you could speak to the Post Office redirection about it. You could say that someone has moved from your property and you are led to believe that they MAY be applying for credit via your address. May be something that they can do????

I suggest that if you need to send ANYTHING to him that you send it recorded delivery to his work address.

You also need to let the mortgage company know about your situation. Also tell them that he has gone AWOL and is there anything that can be done to secure your payments? Maybe only pay half of what you would normally pay? Not sure. I would seek their advice on this.

Regarding the bank:

If you have frozen your JOINT account is it not the case the he can UNFREEZE it? Please check this, as I am sure that this is the case if you are both signatories. I would seek to have your name removed from this account as soon as possible.

nippy26

wendb69 wrote: »

Nippy, maybe you could speak to the Post Office redirection about it. You could say that someone has moved from your property and you are led to believe that they MAY be applying for credit via your address. May be something that they can do????

I suggest that if you need to send ANYTHING to him that you send it recorded delivery to his work address.

You also need to let the mortgage company know about your situation. Also tell them that he has gone AWOL and is there anything that can be done to secure your payments? Maybe only pay half of what you would normally pay? Not sure. I would seek their advice on this.

Regarding the bank:

If you have frozen your JOINT account is it not the case the he can UNFREEZE it? Please check this, as I am sure that this is the case if you are both signatories. I would seek to have your name removed from this account as soon as possible.

Excellent - thanks for all your help! Will get onto Post Office Redirection tomorrow. Not sure if I can get the divorce papers sent to his work, but solicitor will be able to advise of that tomorrow. Mortgage company are aware he has gone, but didn't mention anything re me making the payments on my own, but see what you mean.
The bank has said that he cannot unfreeze the account now and neither can I, so it will eventually just be closed.

Good luck with your own situation - I agree it must be worse when there are kiddies involved - if you ever need to bounce ideas or see what I've been advised etc you are more than welcome:-) Thanks again.

jordan_gibson

Hey Nippy.

Looks like you have had some good advice so far. The hardest part is remaining calm because we all know that we don't make our best decisions when 'wound up'.

Just a thought on the mortgage - When this happened to me (not married though) I contacted my mortgage company and they suggested a payment holiday. They gave me a 6 month break and although this meant extra interest on the final amount it actually worked out cheaper for me because I was paying the whole amount.

My 'personal' thoughts is that he is a spineless git! Why people can't just sit down and say 'this is how it is' and then work things out as adults really pi55es me off! Yes, it will upset people but it helps in the long run.

Again, personally, I believe that if he is not willing to give an address then he obviously has something to hide (where the new girlfriend is, etc etc).

Everything won't sort itself out overnight but be tough and YOU WILL end up better for it - I promise!!

paddy's_mum

Has he got parents or perhaps a brother or sister to whose address you can direct any correspondence that MUST be sent to him? To do so may be somewhat cheeky but up a creek without a paddle ... what else is anyone meant to do?

In your shoes, I might be sorely tempted to quietly sit one day and then follow his car from work. Maybe a little sleuthing is called for. He has to be living somewhere!

Even if it turned out to be the lady (some lady!) friend's house, neither he nor she will have much of a leg to stand on if solicitors letter, mortgage papers or court documents get delivered there. I am truly sorry for your trouble.

nippy26

Thanks for all the advice and support - really appreciated! Saw solicitor yesterday who cleared things up for me, which was good. Divorce papers will go in before end of week and we shall meet up (with any luck!!) to arrange finances. That way we keep costs down, although as I've said before he's been crap at contacting me, so won't hold my breath for too long. Fingers crossed he'll sort out to meet up and we'll get the mess sorted out soon. If not I'll just have to start selling off belongings.

Will see mortgage advisor tomorrow so will see what they have to say then can realistically see whether I must sell the house or not. Watch this space - hopefully i'll be able to say we've sorted it amongst ourselves and are both moving on. We'll see.... but thanks again to anyone that's taken the time to help me out.

JCR

I just have to add that I can understand the frustration you must feel with this "spineless weak man" having cut you off and you not able to contact him either to talk about it like adults. Sometimes the way people treat other people is so contemptable that it defies belief. A bit of common courtesy, especially when finishing a long term relationship would certainly not go amiss.

Good luck with being able to move on with your life and forget about a man so unworthy of you.