Divorce & issues

Shineyhappy

I was told by my solicitor that even though I paid all the bills of 6 months he would still be entitled to any equity, I would have to take him to court to decide how much.

If I were you I would
- pack up all his stuff and store it in the spare bedroom so you dont have to see it
-try and work out how much of the deposit was paid for by yourself and find evidence of this
-take that to your solicitor to find out, how much he is likely to get of the equity if you bought him out
-get all the estate agents round to value the property (I was sneaky and lied to them saying I had a huge payrise and I wanted shot of the property asap so I wanted it on the market cheaply, also trash the house and make it smelly and say that it is mainly him living there so its likely to be a dump when people view it)
-Go to the bank and see if you can extend the mortgage or borrow more or whatever, I didnt need to pay for a remortgage, just took out an extra 10k
-Using the lowest three offers I would photocopy those and send a letter to his work offering to buy him out and showing him those and after factoring in solicitors fees, bank charges (redemption fees if property sold are loads!), estate agents fees (say 3%) you are prepared to offer him .... pounds
-also make sure you point out that he can have the money within say 2 months and you will make sure it is done asap, which will be quicker than waiting for a buyer who may have a chain

Thats what I did and apart from the fact my ex wanted to drag things out by not signing forms (I think I was supposed to be a safety net incase things went wrong with the new gf) it is doable!

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

ka7e

I would suggest that you have all your locks changed so that he can only get back into the house on your terms. You may be able to get it done on your insurance.

Shineyhappy

ka7e wrote: »

I would suggest that you have all your locks changed so that he can only get back into the house on your terms. You may be able to get it done on your insurance.

Whilst I agree with getting the locks changed you have no legal right to do that, so my suggestion would be to "accidentally" break a key in the lock, leaving you with no other choice but to get the locks changed. Also if you dont know where he is, how can you give him a new key? Obviously you wouldnt want to pester him at work and you certainly cant post it, that would be dnagerous!

Ystrad_Lad

I've been there and got the badge! It's a really horrible time so my sympathy goes out to you.

The advice given is correct;

- the starting point for the financial settlement will be 50/50 regardless of who pays the mortgage if there are no children of the marriage.

- keep paying the mortgage or the house will be repossessed. If you are living there then you benefit from having the home not him so it really isn't an issue.

- the legal position is that you are not allowed to change the locks. If you do he does have the right to force an entry providing he makes good the damage, do it anyway if it makes you feel safer. You can argue about it later.

- close down all joint accounts or they will in all likelihood be emptied. Get your salary paid into a new account and set up new DDs and SOs that you can control. Cash that disappears like this isn't likely to be taken into account in the financial settlement.

- get legal advice asap.

- In the long run it is more important to get the court approved financial settlement in place than the divorce. You can get the divorce without the settlement which could lead to years and years of aggravation because when it is eventually sorted your assets at that time of the settlement will be assessed not those at the time of the divorce.)

Shineyhappy

Oh another thing, if you have any valuables in the house and you are worried they might go missing make sure you take them to a friends. I didnt have much, but anything that was important to me and financial information went to my mums and it stayed there until everything was settled. Even an old teddy that was a childhood favourite and my collection of signed books. My ex was nasty and he would have enjoyed loosing them or breaking them and it would have been hard to prove it was deliberate damage and they were irreplaceable to me.

nippy26

Thanks again to all of your for your support and advice. I have felt stronger more recently, however this weekend I've just gone to pieces again. It's like he's calling the shots with no contact etc and he's just laughing at me. I am going to just be able to pay the mortgage and bills on my own and I worry what it'll be like later. I've looked into what would happen if I offered him a quick get out, say £10k which he could have by the end of the week or something. But then I'm trying to see how I would raise that kind of money - loan or mortgage. He seems content to stay away and have no contact whatsoever and I have to try my hardest to pay everything and sort it all out. On top of this I am now again finding it hard to sleep and walk around with that sick feeling in my stomach all day long.

I don't understand how someone can change so quickly and cut you off like he has. It's hard enough to deal with the affair, let alone him leaving me, the divorce and to top it all him getting nasty. I'm ready to give up with it all in all honesty.

Ystrad_Lad

nippy26 wrote: »

I've looked into what would happen if I offered him a quick get out, say £10k which he could have by the end of the week or something.

I wouldn't be legally binding. He could come back for more at any time. Only a court approved financial settlement is binding.

nippy26

Just a bit of an update really - will be seeing a solicitor early next week so hopefully can see where I stand financially. He's now gone overdrawn on his own account, which has not had money in it for years - am I liable for any of this too?? I am obviously now going to have to get my solicitor to write to him etc as I will be getting no money from him whatsoever and clearly won't be able to communicate any financial settlement discussion as he just stays away and will not make contact.

Am feeling quite down about the horrible mess whilst trying to remain positive as life has to go on - sorry for the ramble so early!!

Sagaris

Just remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - keep going, I've not been around here long but there are lots of people here to help you.
I was in your situation 10 years ago, never paid a bill never mind looking after my own house! He wanted me out even though he'd been having the affair......and was abusive......etc but it's surprising what you can do when you have to! You are doing really well, keep it up, and you'd be surprised how easy it is to change locks yourself (only if they need to be done, broken/lost key etc)

nippy26

Thanks very much - and when I'm feeling down I try to remember exactly that - I've got my health which I should be grateful for. It just hurts to think he can pay nothing more towards bills etc yet end up walking away with half the equity in the house (if not more!). Seems very unjust but there's nothing I can do about it, so have to keep plugging away and know I'll get there eventually.