Diary of a Secret Saver

Harri-bear

I used to love car boots, when it was just me and hubby, but with having the girls it's much more of a struggle. I always find that there's people who just want to give them things (stuff that really should be in the bin!) and then I feel obliged to buy something off them (I have a bit of a guilt complex ).

When we arrived this morning, I could hear DD1 shouting - 'Come and buy a telly for £1.50!' It would appear that hubby is training her up - not going too well, judging by the interest the telly was actually getting and the fact that it is still in the back of hubby's car.

Trying to ebay at the moment but keep finding I am getting distracted (by MSE of all things!).

I do wonder at the insanity of spending 20 minutes listing an item for 99p that probably won't sell anyway :rotfl:.

Harri-bear

Oops, cross posted!

My friends little boy once stuck a marble up his nose, which I was quite surprised at, given the marble was quite big and his nostrils are quite small . If you asked me to predict who we would end up at A and E with, I would say DD2 EVERY time.

karenccs67

Spent yesterday cleaning, the only trouble with baking is that icing sugar gets into every nook & crannie! It's all about cookies today, fudge, smartie & raisin. Also our two new sheds are being delivered, goodness knows what time they will arrive.

Where has the sun gone? Yesterday was lovely.

Harri-bear

I'm afraid this isn't going to be a happy post.

Had a lovely day out with my friend and the girls yesterday. Got back to find a letter from Hubby, explaining how he had gotten himself in lots of debt (again- sigh) and how he could understand if I wanted him to leave and that he didn't want to lose us etc. etc. He had taken himself off and had been sat thinking, by a local lake, for a couple of hours.

I don't want to go into the whole sorry tale of why he had gotten back into debt, but needless to say, we had arrears of £500 on the mortgage, bank charges coming out of his account on Friday, oh, and he owes a loan shark £700!:eek:

I, obviously, knew nothing about this and was steaming when I found out.

I asked him to come home and we had a long and very emotional talk about what's been going on.

I have told him that this is his last chance to sort himself out and, if he doesn't, I will leave him and take the girls with me (this was very hard for me, as apart from the money, he has always been a good husband and father).

Luckily the mortgage is in his name only (I was on a temporary contract when we took it out), so the only credit rating that's stuffed is his. However, this means we will only be able to move if I take a mortgage in my name, which will be for considerably less than I was hoping.

This morning, I have paid off the mortgage arrears and will be paying the loan shark (I can't believe I had a loan shark coming to my home -I'm really upset about this )on Friday. I am also taking charge of the payments on the loan and Hubby will be giving me extra money each week to cover this.

I have told Hubby that I will help him budget and we have sat down for an hour this morning going through everything. He has given me the passwords for his internet banking and I am, for the time being, keeping his cash card. Obviously, I am feeling rather low about the whole matter and will end up back in my overdraft by the tune of approximately £1000. Gutted...

debtfreewannabe321

Harri-bear wrote: »

I'm afraid this isn't going to be a happy post.

Had a lovely day out with my friend and the girls yesterday. Got back to find a letter from Hubby, explaining how he had gotten himself in lots of debt (again- sigh) and how he could understand if I wanted him to leave and that he didn't want to lose us etc. etc. He had taken himself off and had been sat thinking, by a local lake, for a couple of hours.

I don't want to go into the whole sorry tale of why he had gotten back into debt, but needless to say, we had arrears of £500 on the mortgage, bank charges coming out of his account on Friday, oh, and he owes a loan shark £700!:eek:

I, obviously, knew nothing about this and was steaming when I found out.

I asked him to come home and we had a long and very emotional talk about what's been going on.

I have told him that this is his last chance to sort himself out and, if he doesn't, I will leave him and take the girls with me (this was very hard for me, as apart from the money, he has always been a good husband and father).

Luckily the mortgage is in his name only (I was on a temporary contract when we took it out), so the only credit rating that's stuffed is his. However, this means we will only be able to move if I take a mortgage in my name, which will be for considerably less than I was hoping.

This morning, I have paid off the mortgage arrears and will be paying the loan shark (I can't believe I had a loan shark coming to my home -I'm really upset about this )on Friday. I am also taking charge of the payments on the loan and Hubby will be giving me extra money each week to cover this.

I have told Hubby that I will help him budget and we have sat down for an hour this morning going through everything. He has given me the passwords for his internet banking and I am, for the time being, keeping his cash card. Obviously, I am feeling rather low about the whole matter and will end up back in my overdraft by the tune of approximately £1000. Gutted...

Oh HB :grouphug: big hugs (sorry they are dodgy looking ) as you know from my diary i've been having similar dramas with my DH. Well I say similar because at the beginning of our debt free journey DH did the exact same as yours. And this is why I go out of my way now and am so controlling (panic kind of takes over that we will end up in more debt ) and I have control of all the debts, banking and money (for a couple of months dh had control of some of the money but he managed to 'waste' nearly £300 on himself this last month ) I totally understand where you are coming from and it really hurts when you find out they've been lying and hiding things. I hope your DH has had the kick up the jaxy that he needs and starts to help you a bit more with the money and debts.

Chin up hun tomorrow is a new day xxx

Molly41

I have been lurking for many weeks and wanted to comment.

I very much enjoy your thread.

Would you really leave your husband for a few thousand pounds of debt? Especially when you know that he is currently off work with stress and threaten to take his girls away when he is a good husband?

I know that you are angry but perhaps if you took joint responsibility for the debts then you might achieve more? You have disempowered him from solving the problem as you have taken it away from him.

I know this as I am in a similar position with my son and have tried it both ways. The ways that work is by giving him the support and power to sort the problems out. My son was dreadfully depressed about his financial situation and it was way worse than yours. However I would never have thrown him out of the family for money - it is only money - not life and death - although a loan shark is pretty desperate so imagine how bad it has got for your husband.

Hope you both get things sorted asap.

Harri-bear

Hiya, thank you so much for your comments. I am feeling a little better and less like a guest on Jeremy Kyle.:)

I guess it's not just the money, it's the lying. It's the keeping quiet while I witter on about how well we're doing and how we'll be able to move and what a good life the girls will have (pretty stupid, huh!). I suppose I feel humiliated. I'm making all these plans for the future and he's still stuck in the present - spending the money we need for a better life. You know, even the money for the holiday, which we were given, he'd spent and had to replace by going to the loan shark. I guess, I'm just fed up of striving for something only to be disappointed.

Would I really leave him over money? Probably not.

But he does need to think that I might. We all deserve better. At the minute he is very ashamed and contrite (rightly so) and I am torn between ripping his head off and giving him a hug. I don't trust him - so he's going to have to work hard on that one.

Molly he is a good husband and father, but he is off work with stress, more because of the money situation than because of problems at work - he told me that this afternoon (90% money and being afraid to tell me and 10% work, were his exact words).

I do agree, however, that I have disempowered him to some degree and that he has never had to budget or plan, because I have always done it for him. In that respect you are right and I have spoken to him today about where his money is going and how to manage it. I am going to try to teach him to budget but it's all baby steps and will be done under tight supervision!

I have been very naughty today, what with the situation and everything.

1. I have got the fire on

2. I have eaten lots of chocolate

3. I have asked hubby to bring me more

Anyway, as you say DFW tomorrow is another day and I am hopeless at bearing grudges. So onwards and upwards.

Now to clear that overdraft - AGAIN!

Harri-bear

Ok, so kids in bed, chocolate bought and now I'm going to indulge in a night of BGT and The Apprentice. Hubby not impressed but as he's on a major guilt trip at the moment I can pretty much get away with anything .

liltdiddylilt

Hey HB. I really really feel for you!!!

I cannot imagine what it must have been like, posting away on here, happily chatting to your hubby about how well you're doing, to have him land that bombshell on you. QUITE RIGHT he should feel the lowest of the low. What a total lack of respect for you and the girls. And if it is something he has done before, you're well within your rights to think about leaving him if he does it again. After all, he isn't exactly contributing all that much right now. Being a good daddy can only go so far & doesn't disintegrate if you kick him out. I'm not sure how you can say he is a good husband if he's done this. If he hadn't owned up, you could have been homeless, never mind a loanshark on the doorstep!

Stand your ground, keep logging into his internet banking in FRONT of him daily so that he knows you're checking every last detail. You will (have) calm down about it all, but don't forget how you felt when you first found out. That is the thing that should spur you on to keep on top of him.

And if you're covering the debts and money worries now, then kick him back to work! 10% worry does not equal a day off!

You'll be out of your OD again in a jiffy and back onto saving. Well done you for being so good at running your household.

*climbs off high horse* Sorry if that was a bit harsh on hubby. I am aware I don't know him or the circumstances. I've got a mortgage with my ex who was supposed to pay me £9k and get me off said mortgage 2.5 years ago. He's now decided I owe him money to pay for the new boiler and a brand new car he bought on finance when we were together (I don't drive!!!:eek: nor do I have the boiler...) so we are not on speaking terms (precisely what he wanted...) and I get grotty about him. Not all men are like him!

Hope you really enjoy your night! Sounds lovely.

Karen I am in absolute awe of your stunning cupcakes. Absolutely fantastic!

As for wading into the A&E thing... Luckily DD has not had a trip yet. My little sister had a friend who had a runny nose from about age 4 though. A persistent one, seemed to only be the one side. Fast forward to 11 years old when she was finally taken to a doctor. Turned out she had shoved a plastic hoop up there & it had held her nostril open. It had been there so long the skin had grown around it! Queue operation to remove it. Poor little mite!!

Off to get fish & chips. Work tomorrow

Harri-bear

Hey Lilt, you are quite right. I need to remember how angry Hubby has made me. I have made a point of telling him each morning how I am feeling - yesterday's was 'You should know I am very angry with you, this morning.' I am now demanding total honesty - which, truthfully, I thought we already had.

I said before, I am not one to hold a grudge and I must admit to difficulty in staying angry, but I am trying hard not to let him off the hook too easily.

Anyway, enough of all that. Today Hubby has taken the girls swimming, so I've got an hour and a half to myself. This was after much puzzlement from Hubby over how to work crossover straps on swimming costumes . At least I won't have to put the heating on for baths tonight.:D

So far I have made a cottage pie, tidied the kitchen and made a list of things to do (which probably won't get done ). I have been to the shop and got bread, milk and some googly eyes.

On Monday we went to Trentham Gardens and they had the hugest pine cones I have ever seen, so this afternoon we are going to make 'pine cone people'. The children also did the 'barefoot walk' (twice, in fact!) which was fantastic. Unfortunately, they were in summer dresses and DD2's pale prink dress was completely covered in mud at the bottom. I stripped her off and tried to dry it out using the hand dryers in the toilets, but they were those that you actually put your hands into and mud was splattered everywhere! Never mind, I always think grubby children are a sign of good parenting! In which case I am a veritable angel.:A