Has anyone asked for money instead of gifts?

Turtle

I really don't care what people want. If we're attending a wedding then it's a good friend or a family member and therefore I'm happy to give them what they want. A gift list? Great, I'll pick something from it. Money? Fine, I'll put an appropriate amount in an envelope. The only thing that would bother me would be any reference as to the value of the gift but I can't imagine anyone I know would have that cheek!

Pinzy

We've gone for money. It says on the invites and website that their presence is more important than a gift, but if they wish to give something, a donation to our honeymoon would be appreciated.

I don't like asking for money at all, but we have two households worth of things that we're thinning down. A honeymoon is something special, and we can't afford anything amazing, but if we do get some funds, we may be able to do some nice things while we're away. Romance doesn't have to cost anything I know, but it's nice to have a treat together every now and then, and when better than on our honeymoon.

74jax

We too don't need anything. People who are insistant they give us money have liked our suggestion of a donation to charity.

I have friends who never lived together and moved in the day after their wedding. Their entire house is practically furnished by their wedding and its absolutely lovely. So its really entirely up to you.

I do however don't agree with sending aa list or request with invites. If they ask then yes tell them, but otherwise I think its quite presumptious.

burnoutbabe

Think we will do away with any sort of gift list, we're both well off, can buy new stuff if we want it and can afford a honeymoon fine.

So a charity may be a good idea, though no charities i am connected to so would be a bit arbitrary.
I expect my parents would give me money, but thats because its tax efficient to give in respect of a wedding (ie some 3 or 5k allowance for gifts for inheritance tax).

AF2000

Like a lot of people who have posted on here we have been living together for ages and don't really need more house stuff. For some totally irrational reason I also find it really unromantic buying wedding presents for people which don't have any meaning, we have had guest lists which have included things like milk pans and cutlery, and I just feel like a present should have some more meaning to it, whether it's a birthday present or wedding present!

We haven't asked for money but have set up a website where people can buy you dinner or drinks or entrance tickets to X place on your honeymoon. That way we have lots of cheaper things but we have also put a couple of slightly pricier things for the family members who wanted to spend a bit more. It seems to be working well and when we get back we can personalise our thank you cards according to what people have bought us. It's such a tricky thing though! It definitely caused a lot of discussion between myself and htb!

LEJC

AF2000 wrote: »

For some totally irrational reason I also find it really unromantic buying wedding presents for people which don't have any meaning, we have had guest lists which have included things like milk pans and cutlery

Im not bothered either way whether I give money or a present...although I do agree that personally I wouldnt put anything about any form of gifts in with the invites...we didn't and to be honest if someone wants to buy you something or donate voucher/gift vouchers for an experience then they will ask you about it,they dont need it with the invite.

although AF your quote made me chuckle...when we married we were one of those couples who had nothing,not lived together....and I was so excited when my Gran offered to buy us cutlery...at last we wouldnt have to keep washing the plastic bits and bobs that we had been using whist we renovated our house.

sexybabe1982

We debated this topic with many people when writing our invites and decided not to put anything in about gifts, instead if people asked us, or our parents what to get us then we would explain that we have everything we need in our house already (kettles, toasters, towels etc) but that we'd love to be able to save up for some lovely garden furniture and some other household furniture items so we would love Next vouchers.

A few people didn't want to give us vouchers (including my brother!) so we got a few lovely presents - photo frames, a wok, bubbly, mr and mrs mugs, a pasta machine - but the majority of people got us the vouchers we wanted or money, which was lovely.

I personally wouldn't mention gifts in the invites, people we asked didn't agree with that, but wait for people to ask you or family then you can explain your reasons for not having a gift list. Hth :beer:

katie1812

Like you, my husband and I had lived together before, and so had everything!! We didn't want to think of things that we might need just for the sake of it.. And we didn't want three toasters etc.

So we wanted to ask for money.. We did this by writing a little poem.. There are loads online if you search for them, and we put one together ourselves. I know it is slightly cheesy, but in my eyes it's better than just saying we would like money please lol! All of our guests really liked it and many said that it they prefer giving money as its easier, they don't know what we like or want and don't want to waste time searching for something we don't need!

minerva_windsong

Do you know where you're going on your honeymoon yet? If so, could you set up a honeymoon gift list - so people can upgrade your flights/hotel, buy you dinner at a nice restaurant, a day trip somewhere, spa treatments etc? My fiance and I are thinking of doing this as we don't need anything for our flat (we'll have lived together for three years by the time we get married) but I personally don't like asking for money as to me it feels cheeky and this feels like a nice compromise. We will have a small gift list as well as I am aware some of our older relatives will want to get us a 'thing', but probably won't do poems or anything - just tell people if they ask what we'd like, though I'm aware some people think that's a waste of time.

We've been to quite a few weddings where people have asked us for money and I've been happy to do that as I'd much rather get someone what they wanted (if I don't know what they want they tend to get John Lewis vouchers). Ultimately, whatever you do and however you want to ask for it, as long as it comes across in a 'we're not expecting anything and we'd rather you came to the wedding and didn't bring a gift than didn't come because you felt obliged to give us something' way, to each their own.

Gettin256

This is always a dilemma I think most couples live together first these days, which means preference is usually money. As a group of friends, we all gave each other money and I think trends are heading towards that. saying that, we've had friends who didn't include anything with the invitations at all, and they ended up with a lot of stuff they didn't need. While hubby and I preferred money, we didn't want to specifically ask for it, so we set up a small list, mostly cheaper items for evening guests and asked our immediate families to let people know we would prefer money if anyone asked. It meant when most people looked at the list, there was very few options for an all day guest to give. In the end, we got the best of both worlds.