Has anyone asked for money instead of gifts?

Cuilean

Having combined our two households, my fiance and I have two of everything, and live in a tiny little house. A lot of stuff has been eBayed, put into the loft, or given away. We do not need more stuff!

As we wandered around the shops yesterday, we couldn't find anything we really need. However, we have gone a bit OTT with spending on the honeymoon, and as we're hoping to move house next year, we'd probably be looking to purchase some new furniture then. It would be really useful to have money ready for that.

I remember a wedding I went to a few years ago, where the invite said "There is no gift list as we do not need any presents, but if you wish to contribute towards our honeymoon, it would be appreciated". Is anyone else asking for money, or is that not a done thing?

Faith177

We are in the same boat but I didn't like to ask for money. My local shopping centre does a wedding gift card. Basically it is valid in any of the stores within the shopping centre for a year. Your guests just ring up to load the money on you get a record of who put what on so you can send the Thank You's out.

OH is going to be living away for a bit so I'm going to use the card in the Blue Cross sales in Jan to get all the stuff he needs.

Maybe you could see if your local shopping centre has something similer that might suit you

Hezzawithkids

My sister did this for her wedding last year, they were in exactly they same position as you and they asked for a contribution towards their honeymoon e.g. via travel vouchers. Everyone was happy to do this, I gave them vouchers but I know other people gave cheques. I think its totally acceptable these days, soon-to-be-married couples are unlikely to be setting up home together for the first time, but I know some people will disagree.

cats2012

Hi.

We didn't need anything either so we put something like (can't remember exactly sorry!) "X and X have decided not to have a gift list, however as they recently purchased their first house any gift contributions will be gratefully used towards furniture and home improvements"

We got loads of cash from people (including family/older generations) and then probably 10ish actual gifts which were all fine although not necessary (e.g. champagne flutes).

What I'm planning to do though is be really specific in thank yous about what we used the money for, e.g. it went towards our sofa, it bought a meal on our mini-moon etc

Lagoon

We've asked for money for our honeymoon. We've saved up for our wedding and put a deposit down on our honeymoon accommodation, but the honeymoon is going to be a stretch. We'll find the money if we get no gifts, and we're making it clear that we're not expecting anything and that we simply want our guests to attend and have a good time, but anything we receive will help us out enormously. It'll pay for food, and for days out.

little_miss_muppet_face

If you go onto the n*tmums site and go to the brides or wedding section, i forget which one it is, have a read of the post about asking for money instead of gifts .. its got hundreds of posts, all of mixed opinions, it got very heated very quickly

I personally do not like to be asked for money towards honeymoon, towards wedding etc, we went to a wedding in December just past where they asked for money which obviously we gave them.. but i didnt like it, and didnt give as much as i would have if i had purchased a gift.
Things have changed these days with most people living together before marriage therefore not really needing a whole bunch of towels, pots and pans etc, and asking for money seems to be becoming more of the norm.

Love_A_Bargain

I am thinking of doing the same thing because my OH and I really can't find things that we need, especially since we've been living together for quite awhile now. We've accumulated so much stuff already.

I am not too comfortable asking for monetary funds though. So am searching for a really polite way/wording to put on the invites.

It seems to be getting popular now and there is quite alot of mixed views on it.

lazer

There has been threads on this before and always mixed opinions on it.

My own opinion is that it is rude to ask for anything, you not expect to be given a gift by anyone.

If someone choose to get you a gift and asks you (or your parents, or someone close) what you would like, then and only then is it acceptable to say what you would like.

trinity_enigma

We don't mind about presents- if we get them great, if we don't its no loss. I do however feel really cheeky actually asking for anything (money or towels or honeymoon) so we have no mention in our invitations but on our website we have something along the lines of:

We live together and have everything we need and having you there to share our day will be perfect. If you really want to give us a gift other than your presence then any contribution towards the start of our married life would be appreciated or alternatively we would be happy if you want to contribute towards a charity of your choice on our behalf.

We figured we aren't asking for anything and are giving people a choice to do what they want.

cats2012

I like to think ours worked as not really asking, and grandparents etc have just asked what we'll use it for (hence the comment about thank yous) and it's all in a separate account (even the cash was paid in) so will literally only be used for furniture.

One couple we were invited to recently had basically put "We don't expect gifts...but here's our *department store* gift list" which I didn't like at all!

SAHD_Jim

cats2012 wrote: »

I like to think ours worked as not really asking, and grandparents etc have just asked what we'll use it for (hence the comment about thank yous) and it's all in a separate account (even the cash was paid in) so will literally only be used for furniture.

One couple we were invited to recently had basically put "We don't expect gifts...but here's our *department store* gift list" which I didn't like at all!

A wedding gift list is traditional and a store wedding list is an increasingly common form. The idea is simply supposed to be that you don't end up with 5 toasters, 6 kettles and 4 sets of champagne flutes and helps the guests know they're buying something needed/wanted. As long as it is made clear that there is no expectation or obligation then I don't see the problem.

If we're invited to a wedding, and we want to attend, we buy a gift. If there is a list we'll happily buy from that and if the bride and groom request money instead or a charitable donation, we're happy to oblige, all within the same budget.