Has anyone asked for money instead of gifts?

BugglyB

We have put 'no gifts, thank you' on our invites because we dont want towels and toasters.

People are fully aware they can give you money if they want to, they don't need permission/instruction on how to shove 20 quid in a envelope.

Lagoon

BugglyB wrote: »

We have put 'no gifts, thank you' on our invites because we dont want towels and toasters.

People are fully aware they can give you money if they want to, they don't need permission/instruction on how to shove 20 quid in a envelope.

If I saw 'no gifts, thank you', I wouldn't be giving a gift at all.

BugglyB

Lagoon wrote: »

If I saw 'no gifts, thank you', I wouldn't be giving a gift at all.

Well thats great! We dont want gifts. There are already friends who have said to us 'I would like to make you this/buy you this for your wedding' to which I have said 'wonderful thank you'.

I also have no doubt that my grandparents, aunties and uncles will give us money. But I dont need to put a poem in the invite to ask them to do that. And I'm certainly not putting a poem in so that those who would have bought towels and toasters feel compelled to give us money.

I also know that our 'no gifts thank you' will mean that some of our friends who are skint and already forking out for outfits, hotel, drinks etc, will feel comfortable in not giving us any more of their hard earned cash, for when we wish to buy new carpets, or whatever.

Each to their own

cats2012

SAHD_Jim wrote: »

A wedding gift list is traditional and a store wedding list is an increasingly common form. The idea is simply supposed to be that you don't end up with 5 toasters, 6 kettles and 4 sets of champagne flutes and helps the guests know they're buying something needed/wanted. As long as it is made clear that there is no expectation or obligation then I don't see the problem.

Sorry that wasn't what I meant - my fault. I meant that saying you don't expect gifts is really nice and then leaves people to get you one if they choose, but it felt really strange to say that then have a gift list right there, was almost like they were saying they didn't want them but clearly did.

Just an opinion a few of us had though, didn't mean to offend.

caroline78

We asked for money, but we had only invited family. We just wrote inside that as they all knew we had been living together for 10 years and therefore had everything we needed but we would appreciate money towards a honeymoon. I was the first in the cousins to get married and each of them has also written something similar in their invites....xx

BugglyB

Sorry I've just reread my post and aware that it may come across as smug or judgemental. Dont mean it to be and really do mean 'each to their own'.

johnswife

My daughter had not made a list, wedding 11/5/13, as they have been living together for over a year in a flat which came with white goods and actually felt uncomfortable making a list.
But i have had so many people asking for a list or what can they buy them that they are quickly trying to make up a list.
They are actually moving to married accommodation (army) and will have to buy fridge freezer, washing machine etc. A lot of my family are giving cash or John lewis vouchers so they can put it towards buying larger items.

Lagoon

BugglyB wrote: »

Sorry I've just reread my post and aware that it may come across as smug or judgemental. Dont mean it to be and really do mean 'each to their own'.

I don't think it comes across as smug or judgemental.

It is just a very divisive topic, isn't it?

We're asking for money, and some people think that's rude. It's more 'accepted' to make a gift list and give people the link or the name of the shop, but I think it's MORE rude to specify what gifts you want people to buy.

All that said, I'm very relaxed about it. I'm happy to give whatever the bride and groom want - in most cases it's been money, but OH's cousin did have a gift list. It was full of the 'typical' items - decorations and homewares; things that we already had or didn't need - and many things were out of our price range. We ended up buying a couple of pillowcases, and as they'd requested four we hoped that someone else could buy the other two if their budget didn't cover anything else on the list.

It's complicated - I don't think there's any polite way to ask people to buy things for you or give you money, but we're compelled to put these little notes in our invitations because we KNOW people will. It's that, or be continually asked. People started asking us what we wanted before we'd even sent our invites out!

SpiritoftheSouthWest

My niece is getting married shortly and is in the same position as yourselves. When sending the invites out she included a little poem which is a nice way to ask for money.

We are sending out this invitation
In hope you join our celebration.
If a gift is your intention
We would really like to mention
We've already got kettle and toaster,
Crockery, dinner mats and matching coaster.
So rather than something we have already got,
We'd appreciate money for our honeymoon pot.
But most importantly we request,
That you come to our wedding as our guest.

With love .............

kitschkitty

I think especially if people (formally or informally) know you would like to use the money to buy furniture they may feel more happy to give it (if they are the type who don't like giving cash as much) if possible I would also select a shop that you would like gift vouchers for as often older relatives prefer to give vouchers to cash.

We used our wedding gifts to buy A TV, microwave, kettle & toaster, & a few kitchen bits, but apart from the TV we didn't know in advance exactly what we wanted/needed so that's why we didn't have a wedding list.

Also in our invites we didn't include anything about gifts (or money), but most people asked us or our parents what we wanted still.