Depression II

rose07

slowlyfading wrote: »

Thanks, I'll need it! It's going to be a tricky one I think. Don't know whether I should talk about the dream - other people might find it triggering? Basically, I'm trying to stop self harming, after over 7 years of doing so, but its proving much harder than I first thought. My dream took me back into school, to a teacher I told when I was 14 what was happening, but she told me to ignore other people and get on with it. Then, in the dream, I drag up my sleeves and show her my arms and wrists, which are absolutely covered in cuts, bleeding and dripping. I woke up really scared I'd done some more, til I checked.
I'm so fed up of it to be honest. Why can't I just be... normal? Why did I have to find a way of coping which is so upsetting for anyone else and damaging to myself? I'm such a freak Pair that with an eating disorder than no one knows about, I'm getting the end of the line really. All this hiding really is draining after a while.

sorry for the rant
sf x

Hi hun

rant anytime

Hun, have you thought about talking to someone, maybe not your mum, as you say you dont want to worry her. But maybe someone within your student welfare office, or seeing your GP? I really think you need some kind of support in place, especially with the stresses of uni they can bring on alot or worries.

You are battling self harm on your own, and well done on not doin anythin soo far. really well done, your dream could be your subconcious thinkin about shing. Often when we sleep we are relaxing, and subconcious things come to the surface.

Hun, what is normal anymore? I dont think there is a normal anymore. we are all people, all individuals, and all seperate in our own way, it what makes us unique, including you hun

SH is a way of coping hun, its a coping mechanism, it may not be the best way, but its still a way of coping.

You dont need to do this on your own, get the help hun, we are all here for support hun. And if ya ever need to talk you know where i am, ,

xxx

rose07

Karrie wrote: »

WE DID IT, WE DID IT, WE DID IT, WE DID IT

:j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j

:T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T :T

Went to the local authorities hearing today and my son got in to the school he wants to go to!!!!! No need to go again tomorrow. It's all over.

Thanks for ALL your support - each and every one of you.

As you can tell, I am over the moon. Can't wait to tell him.

Best go and do some work now :eek:

how u doin?

Well done hun



:T :T :T :T :T :T :T

xxxxx

rose07

razorbladekisses wrote: »

:hello:

My day has been pretty crap tbh. My manager has really !!!!ed me off this afternoon and I've ended up feeling like !!!!. Whenever this other staff member helps out at our branch I just feel like a spare part. I was working on the computer, manager returns from lunch, shortly followed by the other staff member who was sent to help us. I was instantly sent out the back to do to all the crap jobs while they continue with their work, chat and laugh together. I may as well not have been there. I hardly said a word all afternoon. She kept on and on about how great she is and how great this other member of staff is (he covered for me when I was off sick) I felt like saying well I'm really sorry that you've got !!!!!!! stuck with me then. Speaking up never seems to help though, that's why I just carry on and say nothing. I couldn't wait to get home so I could cry and punish myself for being such a crap person to have to work with.

Hi again hun

Its not fair of them to treat you this way hun, you deserve better. But sometiimes we have to make do. Can you speak to a higher person than your boss? make a complaint?

You are not a cr*p person hun, repeat after me. Rbk is not cr*p!;) You are special, and precious. You dont need people bringen you down. Stand up for yourself. It may make trouble but if you feel you cant talk out you may never get your say.



xxxx

rose07

mclaren wrote: »

Well today - Monday 21st

I went along to my grans, and went out a little walk. Came back, and done more cleaning. I organised my disks lol.

That was about it - i find things harder to do due to meds making me drained since going back on them. Dunno if its a good thing or not lol. Oh well - Now watching Baseball mone' yankees

Hi MC

I just wanna say, im here if ya need. I know you know anyway, but just drummin it in ya brain

Meds/depression can make us tierd anyway hun, just take one thing at a time, and know you got people around you that care.



xxx

rose07

Tiff wrote: »

Hi rose!:hello:
It is such a treat to here your mood lifting hun. I know that, like all of us, sometimes it's not possible but when the sunshine comes out, you start to think about living again. Thanks for sharing hun.;)
Now get your post blown up to poster size and pin it to [STRIKE]your !!!-ets[/STRIKE] , er, I mean the back of your bedroom door, and you'll always know where it is and maybe it'll help you if you get low again.:rolleyes:
I'm very proud of you hun. We're just going to stand back and watch rosie rise.:T Take care hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

:rotfl: :rotfl:

Hi again hun

Yeah, watch rosie rise
Only thing is, i start to get on my feet and something knocks me right back down . Im seeing to be in the wrong place at the wrong time at the moment all the time, . Rosie in deep trouble atm, but i will get out of it, somehow .


Also Some people are really hackin rosie off atm. People tryna drag me down, people havin a dig at me. Well im not gonna stand for it no more, !!!!in people lol. I think people who need to point out faults to others, are cruel. and im not gonna sink to their level

Tell ya something tho, I seen my councellor today, yes finally got the call from her i had been waiting for. Was soo good to see her, and she was happy to see me too, i could tell :rotfl: . And because she has been my councellor since september, and we have kept in contact, and she has kept space for me while i have gone awol, , the nice thing was we just talked. It felt like i was talkin to a friend. . We spoke about alot, but more so, how farr i have came. This time last year, i was going through hell, and tbh i was sooo on the edge, i was that close to death. It was my last couple of months of uni, and everything had gotten to me, what finally set me explodin was a arguement with my ex. I ended up going missin at 11 that night, i left the house and didnt come back, now, dont ask me where, or what i did, as i cant remember, i was sooo confused, sooo stuck, and at a total loss. I do remember trying to jump of a bridge, not suceedin tho . And im soo glad. . I remember, because of my mental history, the police were involved straight away. And i put people i cared about thro hell too, as i was feared dead, as it was a thursday night, i was in the town of sunderland, one of the most crazee nights, people out drinkin, and i was lost. I dont know how i survived the night, all i wanted to do was just run away, run away from uni, from my ex, and from the whole situation. But i went back. The next day i confided in a tutor and she was great, very supportive. Even said i could go home and leave my exhibition, and they would just mark my work as it was. But i had worked 3 years and been all over the place for the climax of the exhibition. I was not gonna stop now. I was still in deep trouble with my mental state, but with abit of help from my friend, the tutors, and going away to glasgow to see a couple of friends for the weekend, i managed to get back on track, i worked hard to get my space done, with a bit of help from my dad , and tutors. I was part of the production team that produced the university catalogue for the exhibition that went out to curators and artists around the north east. I had the crisis team visit me each day, to make sure i was ok. they gave me ways of temporarily copin, just to get me thro the last few weeks of uni. And I did it. Got my degree and im gonna use it. Didnt go through all that for nothing lol.
So my councellor was pointin out to me, just how farr i have came. And when i think about it, she is right. I have more determination now, and lookin to the future.

We also talked bout visions and flashbacks, i have been gettin them quite a bit recently, might just be because of the month it is. And she said if i draw what i see, and bring them into the sessions then we can talk and go through it in a safe and comfortable environment. Sounds good to me :T

There is alot going on for me atm, things are still gettin to me, i am only human. But i am trying to be more positive. Just doing my best. And takin one day at a time as you say hun, baby steps . I do still tend to go to drink when all goes pearshaped, but im trying to control that too.

Oh was wonderin somethin? If you miss one tablet, is it bad thing?

2 weeks and countin till TT week here as well. Some of you may have heard of the TT. The road racing capital of the world. Thats where i live lol. Anyway its bout a week and a half till the 100th TT. It is total madness. Loads of people descending on our little island and this year is gonna be madder than ever. There are concerts happenin all over. Parades. And streets on lock down. and roads closed. And this year they are makin the mountain road one way, which means people will just go faster. Its a very dangerous time. I have already lost 3 mates to this sport. Im just hopin it will all go well this year. Maybe i should just stay in doors and hide. lol

OK time for Rosie's bedtime, I only had 2 hours sleep last night, been runnin on red bull all day :rotfl:




xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tiff_2

Hi ethel!:hello:
How's you hun? Manage to get any rest yet angel?

quote=EthelBloggs
Morning everyone :wave:
Much weirdness chez bloggs.. yesterday I was doing some paperwork, right here at my desk.. put my bestest favouritest pen down and it's gone :eek: I hadn't dropped it, its not on the floor, buried anywhere, behind anything it's just..... gone. Same thing has happened with a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. No one had been in the house when it happened, these things have just vanished.. I'm starting to wonder if someone "out there" is trying to attract my attention :eek:
Oooo ethel - maybe you've got a polter-blinky!:D
How really strange. I've had this happen - know I have put something down in a particular place and returned to find it gone.
Then, after I've raised my blood pressure and had a nervous breakdown through the frustration of looking for whatever it is,:rolleyes: , it's back nearly exactly where I'd thought it was and I can't believe how I'd managed to overlook it.:rotfl:
I loved reading 'The Borrowers' series as a child - seems the perfect explanation. Now if I lose something, I stop looking for it as I know it'll turn up when it's ready.
The worse thing though is when I put something very important in a safe place. I know now, that this means I'll never see it again!:rotfl:
Has anything turned up yet ethel?

Other than that, I'm flippin knackered, got up this morning as tired as when I went to bed and I've got a stonker of a headache, like I've been bashed on the back of the head.
B/f has seen me in the red dress and heels I got to go with it and now he's doing the pitiful whining that he doesn't want me to go, if I do go I shouldn't wear the dress and maybe I'd like him to buy me a burka (sp) or a hijab :rotfl: spose it's nice to know I've still got it eh
Hope you're feeling better now hun. It's a shame the polter-blinky didn't take him too!;)

Of course you've still got it hun! You're a really pretty lady.:T Might be just the wake up call b/f needed.;) Unless it was because he wants to wear the red dress and shoes!:eek: I hope he'll appreciate you more now hun.
I hope that I still have it too.....ol' Tiff's problem is that I'm worried that I've forgotten what to do with it! :rotfl:

Tiffy, I'm so glad the wedding went well and you coped with it, never doubted you would tho.. and the dress tucked into the knickers is the sort of thing I'd do too
Thanks angel.:o :rolleyes: Seems to have taken me a few days feeling exhausted to get over it though. I felt so tired after all the stress.
Brother has safely arrived with bride in San Francisco for the start of their honeymoon - they're going to do a bit of travelling around the western states.

Many thanks to you and to the rest of the family for being so supportive and for believing in me.:T I'm thinking of you angel. Take care.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

elona wrote: »

Tiff

Big hug! You have done so well and we are all proud of you.

Ethel

The dress is gorgeous and bf (is it short for b***** fool?) is scared you will be snapped up by someone better as you will be a knockout in it.

You are both as lovely in looks as you are in personality - (that is a big compliment by the way!)

Have spent the last three days - visiting elderly relatives on Sat. - visiting student daughter to bring her groceries, take her to lunch and cheer her up on Sunday - yesterday traipsed all round Leeds trying to coax DD into getting a decent haircut ( even though I was paying she whinged non stop!)

Finally have the house to myself for an hour and peace and quiet!!!!

I wish I still had the figure for the dress but after twins, another DD, three miscarriages, and last DD being breech and a caesarian - i am definately built for comfort nowadays.

Hi elona!:hello:
Good to hear from you angel. You're another one that always seems to be rushed off their feet.;) Thank you for your kind words angel. I'm sure DD appreciated what you did for her elona.
A whole hour to yourself? I bet you got interrupted didn't you hun?:rolleyes:

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time with such losses elona hun. You're such a strong soul and I'm sure devoted to your children.:A
Built for comfort? I'm not even that - more like a stack of circles!:rotfl:
Have a good weekend angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
I hope you are all well. Good luck to those with job interviews, counselling, tests, treatment.
Please forgive me but I'm really exhausted due to one thing and another and I have a busy Tiff day lined up.

Just a reminder to those it affects, that it is a bank holiday weekend, so if you need any meds updating or refilling, do it today before everything shuts down for 4 days.:rolleyes: Please make sure you have enough of everything you might need.;)

There's so much I want to say to quite a few of you - don't let that gilly-badger leave the building!:D - but I can't stop now. I'm thinking of you all guys and I will try and catch up with you later. Be kind to yourselves - you're all precious souls.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Rose, Thank you for your kind words (((HUGS))) I know I should do what you suggested but I just find it so difficult. Oh well, lets see how today goes.

Hun, you've come so far. I'm glad you are beginning to see just how much you've overcome. I really hope you are proud of yourself :T

rose07 wrote:

I have more determination now, and lookin to the future.

That's fantastic rose :T

I'm so glad that you've got your support back. I was really worried about you when they just left you with no-one.

Remember I'm always here for you hun xxx

blinky

newlywed wrote: »

Can I just ask... how do you tell if you are just a bit down or are depressed and need help?

I go for weeks being just fine and then just one thing seems to trigger me off and I'm crying for hours and working out whether to take a pile of painkillers or something worse. But I wouldn't even really do anything as even just thinking about it scares me. Then a couple of days later I can be just fine again for weeks. I don't even know what happens or why it happens really.

I don't know. I just know I feel low, so very low and then suddenly it can all go away and brighten again .

As the others have said, go and see your doctor. Don't be embarrassed as they will have come across many cases of depression.

Hope you feel better soon