How to word "private wedding ceremony" on invitations?

Cuilean

Despite my job entailing standing up in front of a room of people on a daily basis, and being a reasonably confident public speaker, my fiance and I have decided we want the smallest wedding ceremony possible. Much to the disgust of a very judgemental Registrar ("Why don't you want your whole family there? I'd be horrified if my daughter did that!"), we're having my future in-laws and my two best friends (I have had no contact with my family for 15 years) as witnesses, and that's it.

We're having an afternoon tea reception afterwards at a local restaurant. We have a list of about 30 people who we'd like to invite, but I have no idea how to politely word their invitations to make it clear that the situation involves the afternoon tea only, and not the ceremony. I know some will be disappointed, but I want them to know that I'm not being nasty - I just want an intimate, quiet ceremony.

I'm so embarrassed that I do not have the most tactful way with words, especially in this situation, and I must get it right. Any suggestions from those of you with a better way with words?

Mojisola

Talie wrote: »

Much to the disgust of a very judgemental Registrar ("Why don't you want your whole family there? I'd be horrified if my daughter did that!"), we're having my future in-laws and my two best friends (I have had no contact with my family for 15 years) as witnesses, and that's it.

That was extremely unprofessional of the registrar. How rude!

zzzLazyDaisy

What about something like

"Anne and Joe are getting married on [date] in a small private ceremony, and we would be delighted if you would join us afterwards for afternoon tea at [address/time] to help us celebrate the occasion."

ca55ie

Good for you - having the wedding you and your partner want - not the one everyone else thinks you should have.
I hate fuss so at our wedding ceremony there was my partner and his best mate, me, my two children and my best friend.
Our invites for the evening do just invited everyone to celebrate our marriage. We didn't mention anything abut the ceremony.

Congratulations and best wishes whatever you decide

LEJC

How about something along the lines of

Following our marriage on......we would be delighted if you would join us for afternoon tea at.....

or

You are invited to join us for afternoon tea at....following our marriage.


Have a lovely day....and dont forget you could join the other brides and grooms on the wedding board....all size and style weddings are being planned there...and they are a lovely friendly bunch who will sympathise/congratulate or virtually hug you through the process!

browneyedbazzi

The most tactful thing to do is probably not to mention the ceremony in the invitations but have them read something like 'Tallie and husband invite you to a reception to celebrate their marriage' followed by time/place details etc.

It's pretty common now to have more people at the reception than at the wedding so people should understand that it is reception only.

suki1001

How about:

At the wedding ceremony itself, we have kept it to a very small number of people as we would really like to keep it very low key, however, we are having a celebration afterwards and would love it if you could attend.

Or:

You are invited to a party to celebrate the wedding of:

x and x

We have decided to keep our wedding very low key, as we would like something very small. However, we would still love to share the day with friends and family where everyone can help us celebrate.

Just an idea?

Cuilean

Mojisola wrote: »

That was extremely unprofessional of the registrar. How rude!

Oh, that was only half of it. She then went on to tell us that she'd practically disown the poor daughter for having a civil ceremony too, because despite working in a registry office, she felt a church was the only proper place for a wedding. I had to bite my tongue at that point :silenced:

Thanks everyone for these suggestions so far - they're brilliant

Mojisola

browneyedbazzi wrote: »

The most tactful thing to do is probably not to mention the ceremony in the invitations but have them read something like 'Tallie and husband invite you to a reception to celebrate their marriage' followed by time/place details etc.

It's pretty common now to have more people at the reception than at the wedding so people should understand that it is reception only.

I think I'd do this - not mention the ceremony itself and I'd keep it vague if people ask about the when and where.

Churches are public buildings and anyone can turn up at to the ceremony but I don't think this is the same in a register office.

suki1001

Talie wrote: »

Oh, that was only half of it. She then went on to tell us that she'd practically disown the poor daughter for having a civil ceremony too, because despite working in a registry office, she felt a church was the only proper place for a wedding. I had to bite my tongue at that point :silenced:

Thanks everyone for these suggestions so far - they're brilliant

Sounds like you had a right one there!
How awful - she's definitely not doing her job properly. If that's what she does when people go to her, I'm surprised she hasn't had a complaint made against her yet.

LEJC

just to clarify mojisola's post...yes it is the same with registry offices...even a wedding at a private hotel needs to allow access to "uninvited"...be it only one seat.

although the majority of weddings are uncontested...they need to make provision to let someone in if there were a genuine objection to the wedding.