How to word "private wedding ceremony" on invitations?

Mojisola

I'm a bit out of touch with these things - everyone who came to our wedding was invited for the whole day.

It seems common these days to have some people only for the evening do. How do people word the invitations for these people?

kettlefish

Mojisola, they do loads of invitations which clearly say "Evening Invitation" so it removed any ambiguity for us. I suppose they won't do those for the OP's situation so it's just a case of wording it tactfully and assuming your friends and family have enough manners and intelligence to work out your wishes

Cuilean

Oh no, I didn't realise any old member of Joe Public could come in :eek: They do put signs up which say "Ceremony in progress" at the registry office. Let's hope people respect that. TBH, it's more my estranged family I'd be worried about inviting themselves. I've been twitchy about it as soon as the Registrar said our names would go on public display at County Hall, even though my family live hours away and the odds of them discovering are miniscule.

I like the idea of the invites just telling people they're coming to celebrate the wedding. Hopefully when they see that the restaurant listed as the venue, that will make the penny drop that the ceremony is not part of their day.

JimmyTheWig

browneyedbazzi wrote: »

The most tactful thing to do is probably not to mention the ceremony in the invitations but have them read something like 'Tallie and husband invite you to a reception to celebrate their marriage' followed by time/place details etc.

It's pretty common now to have more people at the reception than at the wedding so people should understand that it is reception only.

I think that it is slightly different to inviting people just to the reception. That's fine for people like work colleagues and more distant friends/family. But for close friends/relatives who would expect an invite to the ceremony (e.g. those who you would invite if you were having, say, 50 guests to the ceremony) I think a further explanation is needed. Otherwise be prepared to ward off various phonecalls.

I'd suggest keeping the invitation itself to the point, but adding in a letter that you have decided on an intimate ceremony but hope they will still be able to come and help you celebrate.

SingleSue

Mojisola wrote: »

I'm a bit out of touch with these things - everyone who came to our wedding was invited for the whole day.

It seems common these days to have some people only for the evening do. How do people word the invitations for these people?

When I got married 23 years ago, it was pretty normal to have a smaller amount to the wedding breakfast and a larger amount for the evening reception.

We had 70 people for the sit down meal immediately after the wedding and 150 for the evening reception....anyone could go to the church though for the wedding ceremony, most of my work colleagues were there but only went to the evening reception.

LEJC

Talie wrote: »

Oh no, I didn't realise any old member of Joe Public could come in :eek: They do put signs up which say "Ceremony in progress" at the registry office. Let's hope people respect that. .

the vast majority of the british public will of course respect your privicy....afterall why would they need or want to attend your wedding....however law does state that banns must be read for a church wedding and notice given for a civil ceremony.

the need to publish details of the wedding is to allow anyone who does have a genuine reason why you shouldnt marry to get in touch and voice that concern.....ive been to loads of weddings...I love them...but ive only ever been to those im invited to!....and on the back of that ive never actually seen anyone stand up and say why a wedding couldnt go ahead...I think its something you see more frequently in corrie or eastenders but then thats dramatic soap land for you!!

If you have an issue within the family where you may feel that your day will be disrupted...in reality i doubt they would make themselves appear so trivial as to try and gatecrash your wedding.

Savvy_Sue

Talie wrote: »

Oh, that was only half of it. She then went on to tell us that she'd practically disown the poor daughter for having a civil ceremony too, because despite working in a registry office, she felt a church was the only proper place for a wedding. I had to bite my tongue at that point :silenced:

You may have bitten your tongue at that point, but honestly, I would put in a formal complaint now. And I'm not normally a complaining person!!!

And if that's the registrar who's doing your actual ceremony, I would most DEFINITELY do this. Why be a registrar if you think a church is the only 'proper' place for a wedding?

Mojisola wrote: »

I think I'd do this - not mention the ceremony itself and I'd keep it vague if people ask about the when and where.

I think I'd do this too.

LEJC wrote: »

just to clarify mojisola's post...yes it is the same with registry offices...even a wedding at a private hotel needs to allow access to "uninvited"...be it only one seat.

although the majority of weddings are uncontested...they need to make provision to let someone in if there were a genuine objection to the wedding.

Indeed. For that reason you can't have a wedding ceremony behind locked doors, and at one time you HAD to hold the ceremony in the hours of daylight - not sure if that is still true or not!

LEJC

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

and at one time you HAD to hold the ceremony in the hours of daylight - not sure if that is still true or not!

Recently there has been legislation bought in that allows later ceremonies in some locations but its only in certain areas or venues at present ....times are indeed changing....but its not quite as quick or late as a vegas style wedding yet!

MrsDrink

I wrote something along the lines of:

John & Jane (not our real names) would like to invite you to join them to celebrate their marriage.
Time: Place: Venue: etc.

We emphasised the marriage rather than the wedding because I felt it made it even more obvious that we'll already be married by the time they join us.

You will get the odd person trying to wind you up, saying they'll 'pop' along to the venue to see you in your dress blah blah blah. (Well I did anyway, from work colleagues mainly). To which my response was usually something along the lines of 'please don't, we're having a very small wedding with immediate family only, if my best friends can't come then I really don't want anyone else coming'. (It was during term time and my best friend is a teacher - so that fit the story nicely). I think the way to handle this is by being fairly vocal about the wedding you are planning, how it's going to be so lovely being so intimate that by the time the invites come out everyone already knows they aren't invited to the ceremony itself.

duchy

I have friends whose religion excludes anyone who is not an active member of their church from entering the temple. Under UK law this means either having a religious temple ceremony *and* a registry office ceremony OR marrying in a church but not have the more sacred temple sealing (often chosen so non believing family members can be at the "real" ceremony as UK law insists marriage ceremonies cannot be private to allow for objections and also to avoid coercion of the bride (going back to the bad old days when brides were often expected to marry for reasons of uniting land etc)