How to word "private wedding ceremony" on invitations?

icklejulez

Having just got married 2 weeks ago with just my in laws and children I have to say you've made the right choice, the day was relaxed and more about us and I'm so glad I didn't have the 'politics' that surrounds weddings!

Iv no advice for the invites I'm afraid as we didn't even have a ceremony afterwards, we took the inlaws and my children out for lunch.

Some people were upset they couldn't attend, including my family who haven't exactly been supportive in my life, but I don't care as the day wasn't about them!

aliasojo

Mojisola wrote: »

I think I'd do this - not mention the ceremony itself and I'd keep it vague if people ask about the when and where.

I think not mentioning it on the invitation might give rise to thoughts of 'I wonder who got invited to the actual ceremony' (and why didn't I)?

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

"Anne and Joe are getting married on [date] in a small private ceremony, and we would be delighted if you would join us afterwards for afternoon tea at [address/time] to help us celebrate the occasion."

Whereas wording along these lines tells everyone what the situation is and provides clarity.

Mojisola

LEJC wrote: »

just to clarify mojisola's post...yes it is the same with registry offices...even a wedding at a private hotel needs to allow access to "uninvited"...be it only one seat.

although the majority of weddings are uncontested...they need to make provision to let someone in if there were a genuine objection to the wedding.

I didn't realise that!

I know a lot of the older ladies from the village used to love turning up at the church for all the weddings and having discussions about what everyone wore, etc, afterwards but didn't know you could do the same at the register office.

LEJC

Actually its a lot more common than you think now not to be invited to the actual wedding only the celebration afterwards....and in some ways lots of people also actually prefer it that way too.

Because people marry abroad,or on a weekday its not necessarily expected that guests have to attend the ceremony.

Got to say some if the nicest weddings ive ever been to have had less than 15 guests...some have been followed by a celebration and some not...but having a smaller number really does create a special atmosphere.

savingqueen

Hello

Personally I would leave the ceremony part out of the invites.

We had a registry office wedding with just very immediate family and a couple of friends followed by a pub lunch. We had a party at home for other family and friends later in the day. We had to be very selective due to space and DH not wanting a big do. I am sure they would have been people a little surprised not to be invited to either the wedding ceremony or the party but we didn't give it too much thought - the day was our special day to choose to celebrate it with whom we wanted. Don't feel you need to explain things.

Can't remember our exact wording on the party invites but it was something like... you are invited to celebrate the marriage of X and Y at date/time/address. Worded a bit better than that but that was the message.

Have a wonderful day and don't let anyone else dictate about how your day should go - including the registrar. Is there any way you can request another registrar? Personally I would not want someone like that for my wedding.

good luck with your plans

savingqueen

Originally Posted by zzzLazyDaisy
"Anne and Joe are getting married on [date] in a small private ceremony, and we would be delighted if you would join us afterwards for afternoon tea at [address/time] to help us celebrate the occasion."

I like this but would just take out "in a small private ceremony".
I very much doubt anyone will gatecrash, most of us don't even know it is possible. (sorry can't get rid of italics)

suki1001

aliasojo wrote: »

I think not mentioning it on the invitation might give rise to thoughts of 'I wonder who got invited to the actual ceremony' (and why didn't I)?



Whereas wording along these lines tells everyone what the situation is and provides clarity.

I agree, if there maybe a few people who expect to go, then a simple explanation would probably avoid a built up resentment of "why haven't we been invited." When they realise no-one else has been either.

I say this as a daughter of someone who got married and didn't tell me. I really didn't mind he'd got married and wanted a small ceremony (like you he only had about 4 people there), but I was a bit hurt he didn't want to tell me, I know it's none of my business and all that, but it just smarted a bit.

Mojisola

aliasojo wrote: »

I think not mentioning it on the invitation might give rise to thoughts of 'I wonder who got invited to the actual ceremony' (and why didn't I)?

Whereas wording along these lines tells everyone what the situation is and provides clarity.

How would saying when the ceremony is tell you anything about who was invited to it?

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

I think not mentioning it on the invitation might give rise to thoughts of 'I wonder who got invited to the actual ceremony' (and why didn't I)?



Whereas wording along these lines tells everyone what the situation is and provides clarity.

I think Mojisola's right.

It would be a bit rude actually to tell people about which bits you aren't inviting them too. Keep it positive.

Maybe get one picture of the tiny ceremony printed off quickly to show people at the reception.

kettlefish

Surely it's just the same as most people do for the evening bit of the "do". We had about 30 people come to the evening reception (not the church or sit down meal) - we just didn't mention the ceremony on the evening invites.

I think you're overthinking this - people aren't going to gatecrash the ceremony! Just don't mention the ceremony... something like "Anna and Joe would be delighted if you would join them at Betty's Tea Rooms for afternoon tea on 1st June 2013 at 3pm to celebrate their marriage."