How to word "private wedding ceremony" on invitations?

Person_one

MrsDrink wrote: »

I think the way to handle this is by being fairly vocal about the wedding you are planning, how it's going to be so lovely being so intimate that by the time the invites come out everyone already knows they aren't invited to the ceremony itself.

...and how your presence would totally ruin it, but hey still come for the less important bit and buy us a present!

(I know that's not how you'd mean it to sound Mrs D, but that's how it could come across. I really do think its better not to make a fuss about the actual wedding ceremony to the people only invited to the reception.)

duchy

Must admit I thought that sounded tactless too !!

Plenty of people have a reception another day to the wedding itself so I do think the OP is over-thinking. There's bound to be a few people asking "Oh when is the actual ceremony?" inevitably -but a white lie along the lines of "It's a tiny place so numbers are limited " will satisfy most friends..... and family should know the type of person you are so if they think about it at all ( most won't) will just accept it without question.

I'm not sure how old Mojisola is but certainly I can remember weddings in the late 70s onwards and it was always normal to have a larger evening guest list - Usually there would be a wedding breakfast after the ceremony .....then the "evening".

LEJC

Talie..you say you haven't had any contact with your family for 15 years hence you not wanting to invite them...but has anyone else who you are likely to invite to either the ceremony or the afterwards had any contact with them,and be likely to drop details of the wedding to them?
Do they live locally or would it mean some distance to travel to "attend"?

Perhaps if you feel there is a real possibility of them showing up you could possibly speak to those in contact with them and explain that it really is your wish that your family dont attend and ask them not to say anything
Sometimes a wedding does bring people back into contact...but sometimes it can just prove that people also move on.

Obviously we we know nothing about your situation with your family and we quite frankly have no right to know whats gone on but what I would suggest is that IF there is going to be any conflict or upset caused then it may be just as well to make a contingency of perhaps saying to them that your wedding is not necessarily the point at which to meet up after such a long time apart or without contact but suggest an alternative time and place...perhaps after the day if you feel there may be something unresolved on either side?

marisco_2

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

What about something like

"Anne and Joe are getting married on [date] in a small private ceremony, and we would be delighted if you would join us afterwards for afternoon tea at [address/time] to help us celebrate the occasion."

I think this is perfect. Your good friends should not be offended by the choices you make for your wedding day OP. It is the most special day of yours and your partners life and how you choose for it to be should be respected.

Not least by the registrar conducting the service. I cant believe how rude and judgemental he has been whilst expressing his feelings on your plans. Why a professional would conduct themselves like that is beyond me.

To be honest he is the only thing I would recommend changing about your wedding plans. I could not have someone who had showed such disrespect and disdain for my choices, conduct the sevice and stand near me as I made my vows.

MrsDrink

Person_one wrote: »

...and how your presence would totally ruin it, but hey still come for the less important bit and buy us a present!

(I know that's not how you'd mean it to sound Mrs D, but that's how it could come across. I really do think its better not to make a fuss about the actual wedding ceremony to the people only invited to the reception.)

It's hard isn't it. Because if my best friend was getting married, I would want to know all about it. I would be soo excited for her I would be asking her all the daft questions people asked me. I think I'd feel more put out if she didn't share the details, giving me vague answers, because she was worried I might go against her wishes. She should know me better than that.

I agree I wouldn't mention the actual wedding ceremony in the invite (we didn't, just that we'd be married). I think the key comes down to the people you are inviting and the relationship you have with them. The people I mentioned above that I had to be vocal and forceful with about turning up at the ceremony, were mainly work colleagues who deliberately attempted to wind me up saying they'd attend. They weren't actually getting an invite to any of the celebrations. So yep :rotfl: their presence would have ruined it for me, and I didn't really care what they would have thought.

And don't even get me started on the wedding present thing :rotfl: you only have to pop over onto the wedding board to see the debates on that subject!! We seriously did not want or expect any gifts. We'd been living together for 9 years so had everything anyway!! We didn't like the idea of writing a poem *shudders* or even mentioning it in any form as that felt presumptuous so we verbally told people if and when they asked, and told our mum's to say the same. But we still got some token gifts, which were lovely, and we're not ungrateful. We had to respect people's wishes to give us something. (But we had hope they would have respected our wishes to just come along and celebrate with us without giving us a gift). :rotfl:

LEJC

Person_one wrote: »

...and how your presence would totally ruin it, but hey still come for the less important bit and buy us a present!

(I know that's not how you'd mean it to sound Mrs D, but that's how it could come across. I really do think its better not to make a fuss about the actual wedding ceremony to the people only invited to the reception.)

Ive just got to echo what Mrs D has already replied...

I dont know her personally...but we have met on the weddings board over perhaps the last 18months or so...and I can honestly say shes one of the most unassuming brides in relation to the present dilema that ive ever come across!!

Mojisola

duchy wrote: »

I'm not sure how old Mojisola is but certainly I can remember weddings in the late 70s onwards and it was always normal to have a larger evening guest list - Usually there would be a wedding breakfast after the ceremony .....then the "evening".

It must just have been the way things were done in our family.

duchy

Maybe it's regional too

I know we were talking about weddings the other day and my BF was saying in his family it was a given that at any wedding it'd be a free bar all day and night........yet in my family who rarely drink it wouldn't be a "must" I guess we usually attend weddings of those who think "like us" so assume it's the same for all weddings.

MrsDrink

duchy wrote: »

Maybe it's regional too

I know we were talking about weddings the other day and my BF was saying in his family it was a given that at any wedding it'd be a free bar all day and night........yet in my family who rarely drink it wouldn't be a "must" I guess we usually attend weddings of those who think "like us" so assume it's the same for all weddings.

And thank god weddings don't have to all be the same lol it would make the wedding forum very dull reading.
(And I would probably still be unmarried lol)

Person_one

MrsDrink wrote: »

And thank god weddings don't have to all be the same lol it would make the wedding forum very dull reading.
(And I would probably still be unmarried lol)

In some ways, having them all the same would make life easier though! A lot of the 'problems' these days seem to be down to the individuality and everybody wanting their wedding to be completely unique and perfectly tailored to suit them. Everybody has different expectations and standards and a lot of the traditional etiquette that helped to keep things running smoothly has gone out the window. Look at the Stebiz's thread about a stag do costing hundreds, or the thread not so long ago about charging guests to attend!

When weddings were all pretty standard, people still seemed to have a good time, and in lots of ways they seemed much less stressful.