I can't stop spending! Getting disheartened

thehappybutterfly

Without knowing your income and expenses, it's hard to suggest a figure but why not start with £20 a month? If you see something you really like that costs more than £20, save it up to the next month. My favourite, favourite treat is Dermalogica products - I buy something once every couple of months.

Or for clothes, try Ebay. Set yourself a limit and stick to it. A friend of mine buys the majority of her clothes that way - she wears a new dress to work at least once a week which cost her something like a fiver.

Something else to try - cashback sites when you buy car insurance etc. I use topcashback and get my cashback in Amazon vouchers. I could get it in cash straight into my bank but by getting it in vouchers, I get a small % more plus I'm 'forced' to buy something rather than fritter it away in the supermarket / coffee shop.

I've bought Dermalogica products, DVDs, books, a cheap tablet for my daughter, a hedge trimmer, pots and pans etc.

girlatplay

Hi. I have been a single parent for 10 years. At the beginning I had debts, a horrible council flat which I was strugging to pay the rent on and not much else. Savings were a dream for the future.

Fast forward to today and I am beginning to live my dreams. I have no debt (but mortgage) and some savings in the bank. I have an extensive spreadsheet where I record all my incomings (which I know in advance) and outgoings (as far as I can) for each month. I now put away as much as I can in savings and I also budget "pocket money" for myself.

If you do a SOA you will see how much you have left over every month then put half in savings and half for spending like TDmum suggested. Like aliasojo suggested, once you get into the habit it gets easier.

Set yourself goals. Aim to have (for example) £100 in the savings account by the end of June (the half year mark). Challenge yourself to beat your targets. Choose one savings account and make that the one that you don't touch.

Put any loose change at the end of the day/week into a tin and don't dip into it. Choose a date to open the tin or join the Sealed Pot Challenge. Join the £2 Savers Club 2013 or one of the other specific change challenges. These will help get you into the habit of saving.

Set small savings goals. They all add up to a big one :D

(p.s. sorry for going on a bit!)

krustylouise

girlatplay wrote: »

Hi. I have been a single parent for 10 years. At the beginning I had debts, a horrible council flat which I was strugging to pay the rent on and not much else. Savings were a dream for the future.

Fast forward to today and I am beginning to live my dreams. I have no debt (but mortgage) and some savings in the bank. I have an extensive spreadsheet where I record all my incomings (which I know in advance) and outgoings (as far as I can) for each month. I now put away as much as I can in savings and I also budget "pocket money" for myself.

If you do a SOA you will see how much you have left over every month then put half in savings and half for spending like TDmum suggested. Like aliasojo suggested, once you get into the habit it gets easier.

Set yourself goals. Aim to have (for example) £100 in the savings account by the end of June (the half year mark). Challenge yourself to beat your targets. Choose one savings account and make that the one that you don't touch.

Put any loose change at the end of the day/week into a tin and don't dip into it. Choose a date to open the tin or join the Sealed Pot Challenge. Join the £2 Savers Club 2013 or one of the other specific change challenges. These will help get you into the habit of saving.

Set small savings goals. They all add up to a big one :D

(p.s. sorry for going on a bit!)

Please don't apologise for going on abit - you've taken time to read what I've written and put effort into thinking and typing a reply - ok genuinely grateful!

Yes I think I'll start sticking rigidly to my budgets, I always feel like I'm on the back foot somehow!

P.S. thank you for proving that being a single parent doesn't mean debts forever

girlatplay

krustylouise wrote: »

P.S. thank you for proving that being a single parent doesn't mean debts forever

Absolutely not! I paid off the last of the debt on 1st December 2011. I am currently saving to take DD to Disney in California next year. One day in the distant (but not too distant) future I would like to move house so I am trying to over pay my mortgage too.

For me it is all about the saving but it has taken me a long time to get into this frame of mind. The pocket money is my way of allowing myself a treat without feeling guilty.

FBaby

Oh do I understand how you feel! I was a single mum working full time in a very pressurising job which took everything out of me, and that added to the stress of doing everything on your own, my ex totally abusing my wanting to do things amicably etc... meant that I felt I was giving a lot for little rewards, so I too was often tempted to treat myself and the kids. It put a smile on my face, although of course, as soon as I had, I would feel guilty!

My biggest advice is to try to see how you could treat yourself in ways that doesn't involve costs, at least not so much after an initial investment. Activities, hobby etc... that would bring that same feeling that you are treating yourself than what you get by spending. I found that once I was able to get a similar good feeling doing things, and of course the fact that it kept me busy, I was less tempted to spend.

And then, when I started actually saving some money, it became addictive! The massive rush I get from being able to transfer a decent amount of money every month into my ESA is worth it all. I am not single any longer and don't need to be as careful as I used to, but ironically, being happier in myself and busier, I am less tempted to spend, to the point where I actually find it hard to do. I count the days until the end of the month when I know I will check my bank balance and get that rush that will last a few days. Each time I am out shopping, I think of that moment and that if I buy something, the pleasure won't be as great.

Make changes that are the easiest to make, stop those small spends which seem small individually, but when accumulated do make a difference, and try not to impulse buy even when you think the deal is too good to miss.

My last advice is, when you do splash out, when you know that you do so to really treat yourself rather than calling on an impulse to spend, DO enjoy yourself and kick the guilt away. There is no point in doing it if you are not going to feel good about it afterwards.

YORKSHIRELASS

krustylouise wrote: »

Hi,

Thank you for your post. What I struggle with is knowing what figure of money I could class as spending money.

Hi, I can relate to everything you say. I am trying really hard to get out of debt and the hardest thing is saying no to the kids. This comment struck a chord though, and I wondered if you keep proper financial records? Do you know exactly how much you have left every month after the necessary bills have been paid and a bit set aside for things like the car MOT, Christmas etc?

Starting to keep a spreadsheet recording every penny I spend changed everything for me. Knowing exactly where my wages were going made me stop and think. You cant manage your money properly if you dont have the facts and most of us probably think we are better off than we really are.

Definitely set aside a small amounts for treats, for both yourself and your daughter - but make sure its a figure you can afford then its completely guilt free!

Good luck with it.

beth3735

I know how you feel. I am terrible for my random spending. Never on myself, but either on my kids or husband. And tbh they are so used to it, they don't appreciate these little bits. So i need to stop for my banks sake and spoilt kid/husband syndrome!

I keep trying to save a lump sum of around £700 but everytime i get to around £100 i end up spending it too. I had £100 in my ISA and took it out for holiday clothes for my kids (just an excuse to buy them stuff!) I have put £50 away last Thursday, and hoping to put another away tomorrow, at least i have lasted 1 weeks without touching that £50 lol Thats good going for me

I need to be firmer with my spending too. Your dream is owning you own home, Mine is taking my kids to Florida before they all grow up and move out We will reach these goals if we just keep focused!

Good luck with your savings x

Tenyearstogo

In our house we withdraw a set amount of cash each week. This covers food, petrol, entertainment, childcare, childrens clothes and pocket money for all four of us.

We have worked out what is a sensible amount. The children get a set amount of pocket money, OH and I get what's left. If the children need clothes, we can't have pocket money. OH and I have to buy our own clothes from our pocket money.

What's left in our bank at the end of the month goes into savings. This works so much better than paying the bills and then spreading what's left through the month. We used to say if we don't spend it we'll save it, it never happened.

We are going to London next month and I really want a new handbag. I save up my pocket money for my treats and it makes it special. I'm selling lots of bits to boost my pot. Hopefully I'll have enough for the bag I want. I always have a goal because it stops me buying random things. There is something so rewarding about buying something that you've saved for!

I have a goal for our family savings account (for emergency). Once we hit that I'm opening a new kitchen savings account. Being specific in my goals works as my motivation.

girlatplay

beth3735 wrote: »

...Mine is taking my kids to Florida before they all grow up and move out We will reach these goals if we just keep focused!

I felt like this too. I have now done it! Florida was fantastic. You will absolutely reach your goals. Hard work and determination are key.

Mara_uk7

Im very competitive , especially with myself. I used to set myself small targets each month, and try to beat them. (I ALWAYS won )

Then saving becomes addictive, theres something lovely about seeing a balance go up, and youre really loathe to withdraw money & drop the balance down, Makes you think hard before commiting to an unnecessary spend.

Mine was in a PO savings account, in the olden days when you had a passbook and could see the balances growing. Dont know if you even get such a thing these days. Now I have the habit, even today when I am debt free, I struggle to justify a spend sometimes, and I just dont do it !

Good luck to you x