Help with son and budgeting

CH27

dottyanne wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies/opinions.

I have helped him open a savings account and do a budget moving forward. I have told him that after this bail out there are no more, for instance he is talking about going away (and paying for) him and GF a holiday abroad towards the end of the year, I have told him that with his current earnings etc that's just not possible and we won't be paying for another holiday he doesn't save up for, the onus is on him.

As for me being controlling, I don't think I am, sure, I am a concerned mum - initially I welcomed this girl with open arms at first but it's pretty hard to take when she's arguing with him in my house etc. scratching his face, also that she would let him spend his last penny on her despite owing money elsewhere. I DO understand this is his choice and all part of growing up, but it doesn't make it any easier to observe.

Why did she do that?

dottyanne

Arguing, play fighting apparently .......

pelirocco

skintchick wrote: »

I don't see that any of what you are saying makes what I said any less true.

Yes Op may well have ambitions for her son - but maybe he doesn;'t share them.

And why would he ? he knows he is on to an easy number
He needs to have ambition , otherwise he will be living at home for the rest of his life .
And as i doubt he pays the real cost of living the Op has every right to be concerned he is wasting his potential ,,,,,,,,,,She does state that his earnings have dropped due i guess to work less hours , that could be a worrying trend. I dont read anything from her posts that she is interfering tbh

BitterAndTwisted

My youngest sister did a similar thing about not saving up for a holiday after she'd committed to it by paying her share of the deposit. My mother paid the balance to save my other sister and their friend either losing the holiday or having to pay for it themselves. And sent me in her place.

That was a hard lesson but the right one in my opinion, And I'd have the same attitude even if I wasn't the unwitting beneficiary.

Mams can worry and fret until the cows come home but bailing them out and taking control teaches the irresponsible and f e c k less absolutely nothing in the long run.

dottyanne

If anything I am trying not to interfere but cannot afford to leave him to it money wise or I can see him heading down the debt route and its one i don't want him to go down, if I can help him better manage his money I will. As for the GF he is on a basic and earns commission, since being with he GF his concentration is obviously lacking at work as he hasn't hit the comms once. I do want him to learn by his own mistakes both in money, love etc but its hard to take the back seat and go along for the ride with him......

FatVonD

I remember being 18 and the last thing I wanted to do was save, being 18 is about having fun!

Sorry, OP, but if your son is happy/can manage on the hours he's currently working (and he's working, not sitting in his bedroom gaming!) then I think that is up to him. I think you are coming over a little bit controlling yourself (speaking as one control freak to another ) with wanting him to work more hours and do what you want him to do with his money.

Re the holiday, I think you should encourage him to go and have fun but if he's loved up and his g/f is possessive then expect him not to go.

dottyanne

Hi, it's not his hours that have dropped its his ability to earn his commission, and as you say that's upto him - as long as he pays what he owes then he as control over wether he earns more or not, it's just hard to see him go downhill from why was looking like a promising career for such a young lad. I want him to have the money to go on hols, out for drinks or whatever he likes, I was 18 once too so i know how it feels. I guess I save to help him when he asks and step back, apart from lending him money as I will no longer enable him to waste his money and keep lending him or e will never learn.....

Dunroamin

dottyanne wrote: »

If anything I am trying not to interfere but cannot afford to leave him to it money wise or I can see him heading down the debt route and its one i don't want him to go down, if I can help him better manage his money I will. As for the GF he is on a basic and earns commission, since being with he GF his concentration is obviously lacking at work as he hasn't hit the comms once. I do want him to learn by his own mistakes both in money, love etc but its hard to take the back seat and go along for the ride with him......

Well, if he doesn't meet his targets they'll probably sack him and then he'll have to live on £56pw JSA. That should sort out a few things!

zzzLazyDaisy

He's 18 and loved up with his first gf. Don't expect him to be sensible or to look to the future, it isn't going to happen.

You are entitled to be paid his agreed contribution towards the housekeeping, and you are entitled to refuse to bail him out if he messes up with money.

After that, he is entitled to make his own mistakes. That's what growing up is all about. Advise him about money by all means, but once you've done that, take a step back and let him get on with it. You may not approve of his choices (did your parents always approve of yours?) and of course you want the best for him, he's your child, but he is going to make mistakes and he is going to get hurt. And he'll probably do it over and over again before he grows up. Don't interfere, and be ready to support him (without saying 'I told you so') when his current gf ditches him for someone else... and be prepared for him to take up with some other girl who you don't approve of... (I'm the mum of a son, I speak from experience!)

dottyanne

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

He's 18 and loved up with his first gf. Don't expect him to be sensible or to look to the future, it isn't going to happen.

You are entitled to be paid his agreed contribution towards the housekeeping, and you are entitled to refuse to bail him out if he messes up with money.

After that, he is entitled to make his own mistakes. That's what growing up is all about. Advise him about money by all means, but once you've done that, take a step back and let him get on with it. You may not approve of his choices (did your parents always approve of yours?) and of course you want the best for him, he's your child, but he is going to make mistakes and he is going to get hurt. And he'll probably do it over and over again before he grows up. Don't interfere, and be ready to support him (without saying 'I told you so') when his current gf ditches him for someone else... and be prepared for him to take up with some other girl who you don't approve of... (I'm the mum of a son, I speak from experience!)

Good advice, I have more than one son so am expecting to go grey any time !!