Help with son and budgeting

Kayalana99

dottyanne wrote: »

Don't know what you mean.. .?

She has the same problem but with a DD

Lagoon

It sounds to me like you're doing everything right, OP. I'm interested to see what others have to say.

Personally I've always loved budgeting. Since I was a teenager I've loved few things more than getting paid, splitting all my money out neatly, saving when I can and accounting for every penny. I'd consider budgeting a 'hobby' and I get laughed at for it a lot! I just couldn't imagine not caring about my money, so I'm watching with interest.

olibrofiz

dottyanne wrote: »

Don't know what you mean.. .?

got it in one - DD is planning a holiday in Ibiza, weekend at Reading festival (£210 per tickt) - and is at college with no job (helloooo, wake up!!!)

EDIT: Ooops, meant to quote kayalana99!

EDIT EDIT: and i forgot the house share she plans to move into. I digress. I think OP that i would have done the same as you regarding the holiday, and the paying back. If your son only has £200 left for the month, he'll soon find out if his girlfriend loves him, or his money. Cynical maybe, but there you go.

ValHaller

dottyanne wrote: »

Hi whitewing if it was just him that would suffer then I totally agree but as it is there are 10 of them across 3 rooms and if he dropped out the rest would be liable, plus I think it is exactly what the controlling GF would want, he has paid most of it back today with the rest to come next month.

Why bail out his mates? They will make a far more memorable lesson of your son's budgetting idiocies than ever you could.

You are cheating your son out of some valuable life lessons by forcing a loan and a budget on him. Sure if you don't do anything, he'll make a mess of it. But sooner or later you will not be doing it for him and he will make a much bigger mess of it. So you are just laying in more grief for him.

skintchick

dottyanne wrote: »

He does live at home, he does oay housekeeping though every month and has never failed to do so. He has meals and food here if needs be - if he wants to waste his money eating out then that's his choice. I wish he would open his eyes up and see what is happening to him because of the way he is with his GF, infatuated and obsessed

OP, you sound to me like a jealous mummy who can;t let go of her little boy.

Let him make his own choices and his own mistakes.

Don't get bitter because he wants to eat out with his girlfriend instead of at home with you.

Isn't this what we all aim for as parents? To bring up children who become adults who make their own choices in life.

Slightly mishandling money while young is hardly rare, nor is it a major offence.

In words of my former sixth-form head (said to my mum): "You need to butt out".

mountainofdebt

skintchick wrote: »

OP, you sound to me like a jealous mummy who can;t let go of her little boy.

Let him make his own choices and his own mistakes.

Don't get bitter because he wants to eat out with his girlfriend instead of at home with you.

Isn't this what we all aim for as parents? To bring up children who become adults who make their own choices in life.

Slightly mishandling money while young is hardly rare, nor is it a major offence.

In words of my former sixth-form head (said to my mum): "You need to butt out".

OK who are you and what have you done with skintchick ?

Seriously though I think you're being very harsh to the OP.

Yes it sounds as if the son is all loved up and can't see that he may (or may not) being taken advantage of and yes if I could go back 20 years I would be telling my younger self to be more careful with money

I can't time travel so the next best thing is to make sure that Junior doesn't make the same mistakes I made.

skintchick

mountainofdebt wrote: »

OK who are you and what have you done with skintchick ?

Seriously though I think you're being very harsh to the OP.

Yes it sounds as if the son is all loved up and can't see that he may (or may not) being taken advantage of and yes if I could go back 20 years I would be telling my younger self to be more careful with money

I can't time travel so the next best thing is to make sure that Junior doesn't make the same mistakes I made.

Oh come on, he is slightly overspending, and his mates would have come down on him about it if the Op hadn't decided to get involved.

He isn't about to lose a house, or go bankrupt.

The way the Op talks about the girlfriend and where her son's money is going (the girlfriend or activities with the girlfriend) tells me clearly that this is not about the money or budgeting, it's about her inability to let go of her son.

There is nothing in the posts so far to indicate that the son is being taken for a ride by the GF, only that the Op bitterly resents any of her son's money being spent on the gf.

Teenage girls do tend to want gifts and spoiling, because they are young and live in a materialistic world that has taught them to value their worth by what they are given and bought. That doesn;t make her a golddigger!

I stand by my opinion. Unless and until the son is getting in serious financial difficulties and/or asks mum for help, she should stay out of it.

Dunroamin

If the GF is that much of a gold digger, I'm surprised he's not trying to earn more rather than less.

Bennifred

Hope he hasn't got access to an overdraft or credit card......:(

mountainofdebt

skintchick wrote: »

Oh come on, he is slightly overspending, and his mates would have come down on him about it if the Op hadn't decided to get involved.

He isn't about to lose a house, or go bankrupt.

The way the Op talks about the girlfriend and where her son's money is going (the girlfriend or activities with the girlfriend) tells me clearly that this is not about the money or budgeting, it's about her inability to let go of her son.

There is nothing in the posts so far to indicate that the son is being taken for a ride by the GF, only that the Op bitterly resents any of her son's money being spent on the gf.

Teenage girls do tend to want gifts and spoiling, because they are young and live in a materialistic world that has taught them to value their worth by what they are given and bought. That doesn;t make her a golddigger!

I stand by my opinion. Unless and until the son is getting in serious financial difficulties and/or asks mum for help, she should stay out of it.

No he isn't in financial difficulties but surely prevention is better than cure ?

Yes teenage girls do want gifts and spoiling but there is a small percentage of girls who can spot a soft sap and will fleece the boyfriend for everything they can....not saying the gf here is one of those but they do exist.

Perhaps as well, if the OP is subsidising her son, then she hoped he would save some money for a house .....I assume that he has ambitions to have his own home / car or is he expecting to live at home forever?