Help with son and budgeting

dottyanne

I have a son who is awful with money, he was earning good wages at one point but since he got a new girlfriend who he is totally obsessed with his earnings have dropped dramatically. He booked a holiday with his mates 5 months ago and hasn't saved to pay it so me and his dad have had to pay it so his mates don't incur his cost. I have tried to advise him but now have to take charge, for instance this month he has brought home just under £750 when normally he would bring anywhere between £1,000 and £1,300. He has been blowing his money on nothing in particular, taxis for him and GF, clothiers for her/him etc. I have made him budget and split the money he owes over 3 months to pay us back along with his housekeeping and other expenses for instance this month he has £200 left to last him 4 weeks. I feel a bit harsh in doing this, any advice ? My other son is in the same line of work but he's doing we'll at work and bringing the money home. My dilemma is not just his money but his controlling GF he is like a puppet on a string and I don't know what to do?

whitewing

If he's old enough to go on hols with his mates, he is old enough to deal with the consequences of not being able to pay for it. Bailing him out won't make him sensible with money, it will just improve his powers of persuasion.
It has to be the toughest love or he'll never grow up.

dottyanne

Hi whitewing if it was just him that would suffer then I totally agree but as it is there are 10 of them across 3 rooms and if he dropped out the rest would be liable, plus I think it is exactly what the controlling GF would want, he has paid most of it back today with the rest to come next month.

Kayalana99

whitewing wrote: »

If he's old enough to go on hols with his mates, he is old enough to deal with the consequences of not being able to pay for it. Bailing him out won't make him sensible with money, it will just improve his powers of persuasion.
It has to be the toughest love or he'll never grow up.

I do agree but I think the OP is saying if they hadnt stepped in its his mates that would have suffered not him personally...I think I would done the same in that situation tbh.

Lagoon

dottyanne wrote: »

I have a son who is awful with money, he was earning good wages at one point but since he got a new girlfriend who he is totally obsessed with his earnings have dropped dramatically. He booked a holiday with his mates 5 months ago and hasn't saved to pay it so me and his dad have had to pay it so his mates don't incur his cost. I have tried to advise him but now have to take charge, for instance this month he has brought home just under £750 when normally he would bring anywhere between £1,000 and £1,300. He has been blowing his money on nothing in particular, taxis for him and GF, clothiers for her/him etc. I have made him budget and split the money he owes over 3 months to pay us back along with his housekeeping and other expenses for instance this month he has £200 left to last him 4 weeks. I feel a bit harsh in doing this, any advice ? My other son is in the same line of work but he's doing we'll at work and bringing the money home. My dilemma is not just his money but his controlling GF he is like a puppet on a string and I don't know what to do?

I think forcing him to pay you back at the start of each month is exactly the right thing to do. He clearly doesn't NEED the money, so leaving him with £200 isn't going to do him any harm. Who does he live with? Hopefully he's not living with you, getting everything free, because that won't teach him anything about being responsible and paying his way.

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about his choice of girlfriend.

dottyanne

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I do agree but I think the OP is saying if they hadnt stepped in its his mates that would have suffered not him personally...I think I would done the same in that situation tbh.

Yes, that's what u was saying, of course he is paying back as soon as his wages go in and if it wasn't paid then the rest of them would suffer not just him.

Kayalana99

dottyanne wrote: »

the controlling GF .

Id be careful how you express your feelings towards your son, my OH's Dad hasnt spoken to his mum in over 20 years because his wife was 'controlling him' and it was her or him.

No offense intended just general advice.

dottyanne

Lagoon wrote: »

I think forcing him to pay you back at the start of each month is exactly the right thing to do. He clearly doesn't NEED the money, so leaving him with £200 isn't going to do him any harm. Who does he live with? Hopefully he's not living with you, getting everything free, because that won't teach him anything about being responsible and paying his way.

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about his choice of girlfriend.

He does live at home, he does oay housekeeping though every month and has never failed to do so. He has meals and food here if needs be - if he wants to waste his money eating out then that's his choice. I wish he would open his eyes up and see what is happening to him because of the way he is with his GF, infatuated and obsessed

dottyanne

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Id be careful how you express your feelings towards your son, my OH's Dad hasnt spoken to his mum in over 20 years because his wife was 'controlling him' and it was her or him.

No offense intended just general advice.

I'm trying hard not too, but she's his first serious GF and he's only 18

olibrofiz

DD and budgeting, or not - will watch with interest!!!

dottyanne

olibrofiz wrote: »

DD and budgeting, or not - will watch with interest!!!

Don't know what you mean.. .?