Help with son and budgeting

skintchick

mountainofdebt wrote: »

No he isn't in financial difficulties but surely prevention is better than cure ?

Yes teenage girls do want gifts and spoiling but there is a small percentage of girls who can spot a soft sap and will fleece the boyfriend for everything they can....not saying the gf here is one of those but they do exist.

Perhaps as well, if the OP is subsidising her son, then she hoped he would save some money for a house .....I assume that he has ambitions to have his own home / car or is he expecting to live at home forever?

I don't see that any of what you are saying makes what I said any less true.

Yes Op may well have ambitions for her son - but maybe he doesn;'t share them.

mountainofdebt

skintchick wrote: »

I don't see that any of what you are saying makes what I said any less true.

Yes Op may well have ambitions for her son - but maybe he doesn;'t share them.

You're right - he may have no ambitions apart from ensuring that he has enough money to go out every weekend until the next payday. But one day he will wake up and wished that someone had advised / made him save at least a little of his salary which doesn't seem to be the case here.

And you can't put an old head on young shoulders.....more's the pity.

balletshoes

He's 18 - he may not even be thinking about house deposits etc.
OP I think you have done the right thing regarding bailing him out about the holiday and insisting on being paid back in a short timescale. £50 a week left over to spend how he likes is loads - many families don't have that much spending money for a week. So don't feel bad about that.

However, if he's paying his board to you without complaint and has never missed a payment, its really up to him what he wants to spend the rest of his wages on. You really shouldn't get involved in that (and I hope you have told him in no uncertain terms you won't be bailing him out again).

balletshoes

mountainofdebt wrote: »

You're right - he may have no ambitions apart from ensuring that he has enough money to go out every weekend until the next payday.
But one day he will wake up and wished that someone had advised / made him save at least a little of his salary which doesn't seem to be the case here.

And you can't put an old head on young shoulders.....more's the pity.

he might not, he might be happy without savings in the bank. You never know. At 18 a parent can advise til they're blue in the face, if young adult doesn't want to listen, they won't. It will just sound like blah blah blah blah to them.

Kayalana99

mountainofdebt wrote: »

You're right - he may have no ambitions apart from ensuring that he has enough money to go out every weekend until the next payday. But one day he will wake up and wished that someone had advised / made him save at least a little of his salary which doesn't seem to be the case here.

And you can't put an old head on young shoulders.....more's the pity.

Mmm....in my OH's case this didnt happen He spent nearly £900 a month on booze/going downtown/fags/car when he was 18 and doesnt regret it. Including a 3k payout he got when someone went into the back of him on his driving test and he had 'whiplash'

He still doesnt have an idea about budgeting but I love him to bits. :rotfl:

mountainofdebt

balletshoes wrote: »

he might not, he might be happy without savings in the bank. You never know. At 18 a parent can advise til they're blue in the face, if young adult doesn't want to listen, they won't. It will just sound like blah blah blah blah to them.

Tell me about it

balletshoes

olibrofiz wrote: »

got it in one -
DD is planning a holiday in Ibiza, weekend at Reading festival (£210 per tickt) - and is at college with no job (helloooo, wake up!!!)

EDIT: Ooops, meant to quote kayalana99!

EDIT EDIT: and i forgot the house share she plans to move into.
I digress. I think OP that i would have done the same as you regarding the holiday, and the paying back. If your son only has £200 left for the month, he'll soon find out if his girlfriend loves him, or his money. Cynical maybe, but there you go.

how do you keep a straight face olibrofiz :rotfl:?

Spirit_2

I understand your actions in bailing him out and getting repaid quickly, this time.

Thereafter I think you need to say to him that you will not cover his financial commitments. Offer to help him set up a savings account for Christmas/driving lessons/whatever then whether he takes up the offer or not...leave him alone to manage his expenditure.

His disposable income is his disposable income. He can earn more or less of it and spend it as he chooses. He could have all sorts of ways of getting rid of it besides his girlfriend, dating and clothes. All of that sounds pretty normal.

He could have season ticket to a premiership team.
Run a souped up car.
Drink a lot with mates.
Keep upgrading his phone/technology/games.

All normal things that would eat up his money and could be classed as a waste of money by a mum .

It is important to remember as offspring grow up that their earnings are their own money, not ours as parents and he is entitled to privacy and making his own decisions without a negative commentary from anyone else.

If he runs out of money..then he has to live with the consequences. Otherwise how does he learn?

Good luck

mgdavid

dottyanne wrote: »

Hi whitewing if it was just him that would suffer then I totally agree but as it is there are 10 of them across 3 rooms and if he dropped out the rest would be liable, plus I think it is exactly what the controlling GF would want, he has paid most of it back today with the rest to come next month.

missed opportunity; nothing like peer pressure from disgruntled mates to wake him up and sort himself out...

dottyanne

Thank you all for your replies/opinions.

I have helped him open a savings account and do a budget moving forward. I have told him that after this bail out there are no more, for instance he is talking about going away (and paying for) him and GF a holiday abroad towards the end of the year, I have told him that with his current earnings etc that's just not possible and we won't be paying for another holiday he doesn't save up for, the onus is on him.

As for me being controlling, I don't think I am, sure, I am a concerned mum - initially I welcomed this girl with open arms at first but it's pretty hard to take when she's arguing with him in my house etc. scratching his face, also that she would let him spend his last penny on her despite owing money elsewhere. I DO understand this is his choice and all part of growing up, but it doesn't make it any easier to observe.