I should have sat on my hands....

victory

A person I know always puts a negative twist on everything, moaning about her OH not understanding her, or not having enough money to travel, or the queues at the post office, or the cold, or how her job does not meet her requirements, witter, moan, glass definitely half empty.

So I listen and empathise and say the usual ' look at all the great stuff you have, your OH is very funny, you have beautiful garden, great kids, you could save for a holiday etc etc

She shrugs, says yes, then reverts back.

Often she will text me and its all full of woes, poor me, I regret the decisions I made in the past, if only I had got better qualifications, if only I had married so and so and gone here and there etc etc

I should have sat on my hands:o I texted back as fast as my fingers could write whatever came immediately into my head , how she should count herself lucky, has money, a job, great kids etc all the above again really but with no filter.

I promptly deleted all the texts I sent her so I would not have to fester in guilt and keep re reading them.

As quick as a flash she text back ' I will not be given a sermon by you, I don't appreciate being spoken to that way'

I should have sat on my hands:o

I texted back ' if you act like a child you will be treated as a child'

No texts for more than a day, good job she lives hours away, I must have been taken off the moaning r us texting list:o

System

Nothing wrong with reminding her what she does have. Maybe she will take note.

BitterAndTwisted

I have no idea why you consent to have someone so negative in your life. A person like that will suck every last atom of joy from your life if you let them.

Get rid.

CH27

Oh Victory I have missed your dramas.

victory

CH27 wrote: »

Oh Victory I have missed your dramas.

Ah but this one is not mine;) I am perfectly happy, giving her leeway, the benefit of the doubt, an opportunity to express herself, oodles of empathy and a listening ear but jeez enough:eek:

bitterandtwisted is right, crumbs its draining there must be some joy in ones life surely?:D

marisco_2

victory wrote: »

No texts for more than a day, good job she lives hours away, I must have been taken off the moaning r us texting list:o

Result! Hallelujah and Amen to that hey

You did good lady. You spoke sense to a woman who seems to want to go through life with a very negative and depressive outlook.

All of us have trials and tribulations through life, no one travels through it without a few bumps in the road. Though to be fair some seem to come across more potholes than others.

You have character, you are resiliant and you come across as someone who gets on with it all and takes nothing for granted. Your message to your friend was trying to encourage her to focus on all the positives, to help her to get things into perspective. You tried to lift her out of the gloom and doom state she chooses to dwell in.

It appears she wants to stay put no matter how much people try to shoe horn her into happydom. Dont let it darken your day, stay on here and cheer us lot up instead

victory

marisco wrote: »

Result! Hallelujah and Amen to that hey

You did good lady. You spoke sense to a woman who seems to want to go through life with a very negative and depressive outlook.

We all of us have trials and tribulations through life, no one travels through it without a few bumps in the road. Though to be fair some seem to come across more potholes than others.

You have character, you are resiliant and you come across as someone who gets on with it all and takes nothing for granted. Your message to your friend was trying to encourage her to focus on all the positives, to help her to get things into perspective. You tried to lift her out of the gloom and doom state she chooses to dwell in.

It appears she wants to stay put no matter how much people try to shoe horn her into happydom. Dont let it darken your day, stay on here and cheer us lot up instead

Thanks:D oh she just won't let anything go, she has so many regrets, talking about the past all the time, how there's no point to today, the present, the future, it's not depression it's fed up with life syndrome, suggestions to change get no results:eek:

It makes me ecstatic with my lot though;)

chrisv24

You did nothing wrong. Sometimes people just need to be told. I myself am really ambitious and always aim high, but sometimes that means I can be negative about the way my life is at the moment. My mates tell me to shut up and then we move on. Hopefully your friend will do the same.

HalfPint

I have a similar type of friend, always problems,always issues, never happy. Her life isn't easy and I do sympathise but she doesn't help herself. I get fed up trying to help her cut down her debt, deal with issues only for her to reply with excuse after excuse....you can lead a horse to water etc etc:mad:.

I'm afraid to say that, yes she is friend and I like her and get on with her, but I minimise the time I spend with her, otherwise I get dragged down with her! She breaks off contact every so often but always comes back.

Enjoy the break while you can and don't feel bad...you did the right thing

HP x

marisco_2

Did anything happen in her life for her to not be able to find any joy in it?

She appears to be in a vicious circle. If she is focusing on the past the whole time and regretting everything, then she doesn't allow herself time to appreciate the present or look forward to her future.

It must be exhausting to be in that kind of mental state the whole time. To wake every morning and really not having an interest in getting out there, embracing life and doing what makes you happy.

No ones life is perfect but to make the most if it you need to value yourself, your friends, family. Dont sit on your laurels, keep aiming high and going for it but at the same time appreciate and respect all you have done and achieved.

Give me her number I will soon have her bouncing round the walls with happiness

troubleinparadise

When a person whose company, point of view or friendship I value gives me a metaphorical "kick up the backside", whilst sometimes I don't want to hear it, I try to take stock and listen to what has been said - because they always have a good point!

If one's only role is to be a "yes" person, listening ear or whipping boy it is a one way street, not a friendship......