Time to be completely honest

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

Hi Sea
My dh was useless when I had my miscarriages too, life seems to just carry on for them! You just take care and make sure you get your time out! Love and hugs to you.
IDA
xx

hypno06

You have lost something, Sea, and you have to grieve for that loss. OH will have to grieve too, but perhaps doesn't know how to or realises that it is still part of the process, for you especially.

Please give yourself time. difficult I know, but a talk will at least remind him that you have to go through the grieving process - just because the baby was still at early stages doesn't alter this process.

ilovegreatdanes

so sorry , sea.look after yourself.god bless xx

Seaxwyn

Hi Sea

I think that is a typical male reaction. Babies are not 'real' for them in the early days in the same way as they are for the mother. You lived with that little baby so you have a real life to grieve for, as well as all your hopes.

Take care of yourself and don't try to be superwoman. When you need support and your OH isn't giving it you know you will get it from your friends on here.

savvykaz

Hi Sea,

I have just returned from holiday and yours was the first thread I decided to read and I've just seen your sad news! I am sooo sorry to hear about your loss - hope your DH gives you the support and love that you both NEED and DESERVE.

My thoughts are with you all tonight,

xxx

Sea78

Thanks again.

I'm not doing so well this morning. OH is not being very supportive - he was so lovely to me when I was pregnant and now it feels like it's gone back to how it was. He didn't do overtime yesterday and stayed in bed, then played xbox solidly. I did talk to him about it and all he said was sorry. Didn't say why he was being funny. He's at work today. I'm still really bloated - look fully pregnant actually (must be because it was my third and stomach muscles are to pot). I hope it goes down soon.

Sorry to be so depressing.

chocaholic110

I don't think you are being depressing at all and you can't help your feelings. It's better to say it on here than bottle it up. My OH wasn't that supportive either - I think because in the early days although you feel completely different he might not notice anything different and it's not as real. Also bear in mind that your hormones will be all over the place and it's not just the baby you have lost it's all your dreams and hopes for its future. I also think a lot of people don't understand how upsetting miscarriage can be. I had two weeks off work after my second one (but no time after the first, which was a mistake) and my (female) boss was not happy about this and told the rest of the staff that she didn't know why I was still off as there was nothing physically wrong with me.
You just need to take the time to get over it and bear in mind that it is a healing process that might take a while.
Take care, big hugs!!

Sea78

thanks

I feel a little better now. i do think hormones are going wild at the mo. DD really cheered me up though and we've just baked cakes and are making a picnic lunch to take to the park. (she picked out picnic lunch from her activity box this morning). We've made the cakes, a fruit salad and the pasta is cooking for a pasta salad too - so very MSE.

I think I just have to expect up and downs over the next few days - I am a very up and down person anyway so eek!

Sea xx

pania

OH is showing signs of grieving but not knowing how to deal with it, hence the diversionary methods such as laying in bed, playing xbox etc. that way he can "hide" and not have to deal with the emotion he is feeling. Also the not going to work was perhaps as he didn't want to have to deal with his colleagues asking questions, bringing the emotions out at such a raw time.
I think he's in his cave currently hon, and that he'll come out of it once he's thought it all through in his head and feels asthough he can deal with his emotions and yours. typical men!

Big hugs and lots of love.

Sea78

Oh my gosh - we went for the picnic and it was lovely but have had to come back pretty quick because it was SOO hot! OH appeared and had some lunch with us before going back to work which was a nice surprise. I accidently left the cakes at kid height when I hung the washing out - you can guess what happened! We now have no cakes left out of the 10 we baked this morning - ah well

My hormones are all over the place - from feeling like I couldn't cope this morning, now I'm feeling very different. I hope they return to normal soon though.

Thanks for all the support, it has been helping so much and hopefully I'll be able to get back to money saving ideas soon as I do enjoy it (mad or what?!).

Sea xx