Time to be completely honest

Sea78

Hey chocaholic- no, I doubt the kids will notice at all. At least DD will notice that no one is being horrid to her. I'll deal with it when he gets up - went in at 9 to get dressed and was told to p**s off so I doubt he'll be up until at least 12 which delays the conversation. He'll still be drunk now anyway.

And don't be daft about minding your own business - people telling me their opinions has helped me more than anyone will ever know. It's made me realise it really isn't me who needs to change, it isn't me who is the problem. Taken a long time to get to this point!!

Sea xxx

benbenandme

Sending you big hugs hun, keep that chin up !!!

chocaholic110

I sort of know how you feel - DS's dad was a total waste of space. He was a drinker, got into loads of debt (that I ended up paying!), couldn't / wouldn't keep a job for longer than a few weeks but I hung on with him for ages (he was my boyfriend from school and I was an idiot!!). It was only when someone at work pointed all this out to me that I ended up doing something about it. When I look back I wonder why I wasted that 5 years with him as I was never very happy!
Soon after that I met OH and he's a completely different person. Even now, when I get a bit annoyed with him I look back and think how lucky I am. (And after several months of drunken 2am phonecalls and not turning up to see DS when he was supposed to (or turning up to take him out and taking him to the pub - aged 2!) , he disappeared to make someone else's life a misery and he hasn't seen DS for over 10 years.

Sea78

ok - considering the title of my thread - I would leave him like a shot if it weren't for the debt. I can't afford to keep on the house and pay the debt as well. So I'm either choosing to make things very difficult for me and the kids or I need to stick this out until the debt is paid. I just don't think it's possible to last another 30 months of this.

In_Search_Of_Me

Lovely...great to be told to p*** off but at least that possibly confirms to you that you are making the right decision? WHen I look back at x-oh and the fact that he used to spent mort money at the pub, come home compleatly out of it at 2am, puke & fall asleep on bathroom floor, didnt give a stuff about the fact that I was worried sick about him...while I know its hard when youre in it but I know now I willl NEVER, ever let someone treat me like again & I cannot tell you how liberating it was to tell him to leave...his chin hit the floor! Seriously think he thought I'd put up with it for years!! DOH! Praying for strength for you in the days ahead...as one who believes firmly in God its the best I can do for you & sending angels to be with you, protect you & a huge hug in the delivery...plus your best mate on the way so with vibes from here, angels, god & best mate you cant go wrong can you eh!!

hypno06

If you had to buy him out of the house, would you be able to re-mortgage and add in the existing debt to the mortgage? Might be worth a word with your lender to see what they say?

Sea78

hi - yes, I tried this back when we were really bad in the summer, but the mortgage company won't given the debt and the fact it woul dbe just me, although my salary has gone up as well. I also won't get legal aid so would have a huge legal bill too as my wage has gone up. I could afford the house and childcare etc if it weren't for the debt. i am wary of losing the house etc as the children would be so disrupted, even more than separating, sophia's school is literally over the road etc. I don't know what to do. Feeling a little desperate today really!

Thanks for the support
Sea xxx

chocaholic110

Have you accounted for the fact that you should get tax credit money? And also that OH should pay maintenance (although my ex has never paid any and I've never done anything about it)

Sea78

Hi

Because of the way the solicitor said about the debts, and the debt to OH's work (£21k) and the fact that I may well stay in the house, OH wouldn't be required to pay child support. Child tax credit would go up a little, but not by much unfortunately as I earn an ok wage.

Sea78

Right, been on the entitled to website and got some figures - you are right, the child tax credit would go up considerably. Am now going to work out the outgoings v the incoming...be back soon.

OH still in bed, I'm getting more and more in a state so think I might take the kids out for a drive, but I have no where to go really. can't go to m-i-l as would then be telling them it all. Arghhh.

Sea xx