Would you leave a nine year old home alone?

valk_scot

Yes, because of necessity only

I think if you can't trust your nine year old to be able to follow a few simple rules reliably then they're not yet mature enough to be left on their own. Mine would be that the kitchen was out of bounds except for cold stuff out the fridge, no cooker/toaster/kettle/knives/matches etc. Not answering the door or phone, keeping their mobile with them so i could contact them easily (ie not in the other room while child had headphones on), no mucking about with anything that was normally out of bounds like the medicine cabinet or cleaning chemicals, no climbing. Plus of course the usual reminders as to what to do in the event of a fire, who to phone and who to go to in the event of an emergency. If they couldn't be trusted to remember that lot and to keep to it, they're too immature to be left.

Burglary? I've never actually had any sort of break in in any house I've lived in so it's not high on my list of risks. They're more likely to get mugged on the way to school, judging by the anecdotal crime stats in my small town. Yet I still let them walk to school. There's no such thing as zero risk in life for any activity so really, all you can do is to make a reasonable assessment of each set of circumstances as they arise and make the call based on that and how necessary it is to gain a specific outcome. I would leave a sensible 9 year old alone for an hour if it was the only way I could get something vitally important done, I'd rethink the options if I had a scatty or immature child. I wouldn't leave either type of child alone to simply do a bit of shopping, or get my nails done, or something that could wait till another day.

peachyprice

Toto wrote: »

I didn't. I was home when the incident occurred thankfully

Ah, apologies, I mis-read.

FBaby

plumpmouse wrote: »

I live in Scandinavia at the moment and people here are genuinely shocked at how "over protective" I am.

However I have no problem at all leaving my 9 year old alone for a short time. I wouldn't leave him all day or even probably for more than half an hour. He is sensible and I know full well he would never do anything stupid. Most of the time he plays on his ds while I'm out.

Do people who won't leave their children alone in the house for a short time allow their children to play out? And if they do can you see them at every second they are out?

I think we do tend to over protect children and if you feel happy doing this then that is fine. However I find it strange that people worry about leaving a 14 year old alone.

I also find it rather worrying that parents feel like their children will set fire and trash the house. What on earth are you teaching them about behaviour. My son isn't perfect but he understands and respects rules.

Where I live at the moment you regularly see children as young as 5 biking to school alone. Terrifies me and it isn't something I would do but I know my son hasn't enough experience to ride his bike on the road so wouldn't do it.

They find me odd as my 2 year old naps in a cot in her bedroom. Here they leave them outside in prams. And when I say outside in a pram it can be outside the school while everyone is inside and no-one can see the pram, or outside cafes. Again it isn't something I would every do but it is their call.

I at the moment am working on my son realising that bad things/accidents do happen but we can't live our life worrying about it. If you think logically every thing we do entails a risk. Children die on school trips (just recently a teacher died on one from the UK I believe) do we stop our children going on these trips as we wouldn't be there to help them cope? Or do we encourage things to help them grow and develop to be their own person.

I can't help but wonder if this over protectiveness is helping to contribute to a generation that is more anxiety filled and prone not to cope. (Just editing to add that this is more about teenagers not being left alone, rather than a 9 year old.)

Oh and if anyone called social services on me I'm sure they would find a happy, adjusted, well loved and cared for child. It does irritate me these people that seem to imply they are better parents simply because they make a different choice. I'm sure everyone on this board has done something at some point that others would think "I'd never do that"

This sums up exactly how I feel, probably much better expressed since I struggle to make my views clear

poet123

No, not unless it was a dire emergency

plumpmouse wrote: »

I also think the poll is deeply flawed and not thought out at all.

There is huge difference between leaving a 9 year old for 10 minutes and leaving them for 8 hours while you are out working.

I would imagine that most of the people saying they are happy to leave their children only do so for short periods of time but I may be wrong.

I agree it is flawed, but my aim was to gauge whether leaving a nine year old alone (not 11 or 12 etc but specifically 9) was ever justified.

It came about from another thread and the poster didn't clarify the amount of time so I didn't feel it right to specify a timeframe on the poll although she did say it would be for at least an hour and that she didn't believe he required childcare.

My thoughts were that it is not, and I wanted to see if I was the one out of step (could well be the case) or whether what she considered acceptable others would not. I must stress that I feel it is her prerogative as a parent to make that decision as long as she can take any consequences which arise. I should also add it was by choice not necessity that the child was left in the house alone.

poet123

No, not unless it was a dire emergency

plumpmouse wrote: »

I live in Scandinavia at the moment and people here are genuinely shocked at how "over protective" I am.

However I have no problem at all leaving my 9 year old alone for a short time. I wouldn't leave him all day or even probably for more than half an hour. He is sensible and I know full well he would never do anything stupid. Most of the time he plays on his ds while I'm out.

Do people who won't leave their children alone in the house for a short time allow their children to play out? And if they do can you see them at every second they are out?

I think we do tend to over protect children and if you feel happy doing this then that is fine. However I find it strange that people worry about leaving a 14 year old alone.

I also find it rather worrying that parents feel like their children will set fire and trash the house. What on earth are you teaching them about behaviour. My son isn't perfect but he understands and respects rules.

Where I live at the moment you regularly see children as young as 5 biking to school alone. Terrifies me and it isn't something I would do but I know my son hasn't enough experience to ride his bike on the road so wouldn't do it.

They find me odd as my 2 year old naps in a cot in her bedroom. Here they leave them outside in prams. And when I say outside in a pram it can be outside the school while everyone is inside and no-one can see the pram, or outside cafes. Again it isn't something I would every do but it is their call.

I at the moment am working on my son realising that bad things/accidents do happen but we can't live our life worrying about it. If you think logically every thing we do entails a risk. Children die on school trips (just recently a teacher died on one from the UK I believe) do we stop our children going on these trips as we wouldn't be there to help them cope? Or do we encourage things to help them grow and develop to be their own person.

I can't help but wonder if this over protectiveness is helping to contribute to a generation that is more anxiety filled and prone not to cope. (Just editing to add that this is more about teenagers not being left alone, rather than a 9 year old.)

Oh and if anyone called social services on me I'm sure they would find a happy, adjusted, well loved and cared for child. It does irritate me these people that seem to imply they are better parents simply because they make a different choice. I'm sure everyone on this board has done something at some point that others would think "I'd never do that"

I fully agree with your comments re teenagers, but not in relation to nine year olds, no matter how mature they may appear.

FBaby

poet123 wrote: »

It came about from another thread and the poster didn't clarify the amount of time so I didn't feel it right to specify a timeframe on the poll although she did say it would be for at least an hour and that she didn't believe he required childcare.

My thoughts were that it is not, and I wanted to see if I was the one out of step (could well be the case) or whether what she considered acceptable others would not. I must stress that I feel it is her prerogative as a parent to make that decision as long as she can take any consequences which arise. I should also add it was by choice not necessity that the child was left in the house alone.

Indeed, I hadn't specify the timeframe and interestingly you never asked.

Anyway, now you know! As I stated this morning, hopefully this thread has shown you the differences in opinions and what people do with their own child and what they think is acceptable with children who might be more mature. Hopefully, you will stop going on about how I am putting my son in more danger than he would be if he was two years older (by the way, he has turned 10 since I first mentioned him many months ago!).

By the way, not clear how 'choice' as you define it, and 'necessity' makes any difference. Either you think you child is safe or not, unsafe because of necessity doesn't make it more excusable than choice.

poet123

No, not unless it was a dire emergency

FBaby wrote: »

Indeed, I hadn't specify the timeframe and interestingly you never asked.

Anyway, now you know! As I stated this morning, hopefully this thread has shown you the differences in opinions and what people do with their own child and what they think is acceptable with children who might be more mature. Hopefully, you will stop going on about how I am putting my son in more danger than he would be if he was two years older (by the way, he has turned 10 since I first mentioned him many months ago!).

By the way, not clear how 'choice' as you define it, and 'necessity' makes any difference. Either you think you child is safe or not, unsafe because of necessity doesn't make it more excusable than choice.

I didn't ask initially because any length of time to me was unacceptable. Later, I asked if, as you didnt believe your child needed childcare, you left him alone in the school holidays. You didn't answer.

The thread has shown me that the majority think it is not acceptable.

I mentioned choice because I do understand that some parents have circumstances which leave them few options on occasion, and to me that is more understandable than simply choosing to do it.

My opinion remains the same, as I suspect does yours.

plumpmouse

Yes, from choice

poet123 wrote: »

I agree it is flawed, but my aim was to gauge whether leaving a nine year old alone (not 11 or 12 etc but specifically 9) was ever justified.

I

Do you really believe though that an 11 year would be that much better able to cope in an emergency?

I'm pretty certain that if somebody broke into my house whilst my son was on his own (which is probably a slim chance considering my house has never been broken into in the 30 odd years I have been alive) that he would cope better at 11 than 9? If he fell and banged his head and knocked himself out at 11 would he be more likely to survive, if the house set on fire, considering he knows to leave the house immediately now, would he leave quicker at 11?

I'm just curious as to why risks can be deemed acceptable when a child reaches a magic age (be that 11, 12, 13,14 etc etc) but not at 9 or 10. After all legally they are children until 16/18 depending on your viewpoint.

I'm also uncertain as to people who query the by choice as being a worse thing than leaving a 9 year by necessity, because in all honesty if I felt that it was inappropriate to choose to leave my child alone I can't think of any occasion where they wouldn't be able to come with me wherever I'm going. I would also raise the point that the child left in an emergency would be more at risk than a child who is left by choice as they will have spoken to probably at length about safety and rules etc.

mumps

Yes, from choice

I have left mine alone from about 9, to be honest I didn't think it was that big a deal so can't say exact ages for all four of them but the good news is they have all grown up safe and well. I have also let one fly abroad at 10, he coped with immigration, passport control and customs without any help in a country where he didn't speak the language. I won't go into how I felt about the airline that was supposed to be supervising him till he was handed over to relatives!

I don't think I gave mine any specific instructions when I left them, to be honest it wouldn't have occurred to me that they would do anything to wreck the house or set it on fire. They were all travelling to school alone by 9 and I think they were at more risk out on the road, this was proven when one was hit by a car outside school, fortunately no serious damage done.

Between them they have travelled to more countries than I can even remember, they have had adventures I could have only dreamt of and sometimes I get a call after the event to tell me not to worry if the insurance people get in touch as they have been in hospital with suspected malaria.

Do I regret any of it? Not on your life, when my first was born I vowed that they would have opportunities to do anything they wanted to do, I was sure that I didn't want fear to stop them doing what they wanted. I was 18 at the time without a bean but I think I have done what I set out to do and raised four useful citizens who have some great memories for when they are old and grey.

I have many grey hairs but I have never let on about my worries, they still don't know that I check on their flights on line and relax when I know they have landed safely. I would hate to think they had missed out on anything because of my worries.

splishsplash

Yes, from choice

I answered Yes, by choice. I took that to mean by their choice. If a child didn't want to stay behind, then obviously the question wouldn't arise. I also took it to mean for a short while only, obviously not going off to work or away for the day.

I think my lot were about nine or ten when I started allowing them to not come shopping if they wanted to stay at home. I had absolutely no problem with it at all.
By that age, they were routinely playing outside and I was routinely sending them to the shops for me. They walked to school on their own from age about 7, if I remember. If I needed to go to the shop and they were doing homework, watching tv or playing games, I was very happy to trust them for the few minutes.

Having said that, the nearest supermarket is about one minute's walk away from me. Lidl's is less than 5 minutes away and I probably couldn't make the shopping take more than 30 minutes if I tried. I can't remember the last time we've had burglaries around here.