Would you leave a nine year old home alone?

peachyprice

Toto wrote: »

Exactly, but, how do you know that a 9 year old would be ok in an emergency? Because they tell you so? Because in a calm conversation they can tell you what to do and what they would do? My daughter was the most mature and sensible child I've ever known, I would have sworn up and down she would have been fine in an emergency, nothing to do with age at all but because she was such a level headed kid.

However, not so much when it came down to an emergency situation it seems. I was surprised at how she reacted. Age means nothing much but nor does an impression of how you think they might behave. I'd personally rather sit on the side of safety and not take any risks that I might live to regret.

So based on that logic we should never leave anyone alone in the house ever, at any age, because we just don't know how they will behave in an emergency.

A 9yo, a 14yo, a 20yo, they can all panic in an emergency, just the same as they can all remain calm, depending on the individual concerned.

Where would you draw the line if even your 14yo can't be trusted alone?

glitter_fairy

Yes, because of necessity only

Toto wrote: »

Exactly, but, how do you know that a 9 year old would be ok in an emergency? Because they tell you so? Because in a calm conversation they can tell you what to do and what they would do? My daughter was the most mature and sensible child I've ever known, I would have sworn up and down she would have been fine in an emergency, nothing to do with age at all but because she was such a level headed kid.

However, not so much when it came down to an emergency situation it seems. I was surprised at how she reacted. Age means nothing much but nor does an impression of how you think they might behave. I'd personally rather sit on the side of safety and not take any risks that I might live to regret.

I know my oldest can cope. One day well over a year go so he had not long turned 9 he was off school ill. I was home looking after him. I was unwell too and fainted at the top of the stairs and fell down them. He heard me and came running and when I did not wake up called 999 and then his dad. Luckliy I had nothing worse than bruises and a bad head but he coped very well. He sat on the floor talking to me as I started to come round and unlocked the door to let the ambulance in after tell them our address etc.

PolishBigSpender

Yes, from choice

Uphill wrote: »

I hate leaving my two and they are 11 and 14. They are absolutely fine on their own its just me being over protective. I wouldn't go to work and leave them home alone all day but they sometimes stay at home when I do a food shop.

So what happens if say, the older one is sick and can't go to school? Surely you have to leave him home alone while the younger is at school and you are at your work place?

I was given my own set of keys when I was 8. Since then I was walking to school every day by myself and coming back on my own, opening the door, closing them afterwards, and waiting for my parents to come home.
When I got a bit older, I would heat up my own dinner on a gas cooker (we didn't have a microwave).
It was all perfectly normal, and my parents were rather overprotective.

Now the times have changed (and I'm not that old!) and the society is mollycoddling the kids more, but I still see primary school children walking alone to their nearest school. I really can't imagine having a child minder for a child over the age of 9.
If you never leave your 9 year old alone, does it mean you do not allow them out with friends? Are they taken to school and n\back, never go to the corner shop by themselves?

My husband has been to Finland this winter, to observe the schools there. The primary school kids travel to school using public transport and no one thinks twice about it. It is perfectly normal. Somehow, I haven't heard about any higher death rate among small children in Finland, have you? And they have the best education in Europe!

I find the attitude of "I would never leave my child alone at this age" deeply disturbing. How are those kids supposed to mature and develop, if they are not trusted with the simplest things? And to think the UK is the birth place of people such as A.S Neill (again, kids don't tend to burn Summerhill school down, and they are given a lot of freedom there)!

pigpen

Other please state.

Spendless wrote: »

We don't have matches or a lighter in the house. We had to hunt round to find something to light daughter's birthday candles with the other day (and eventually found a gas lighter) so unsure what he could have used to start a fire with? !

Ours, as I have already stated, was the grill.. electric grill, turn the knob and like magic it comes on... works the same for turning it off but the culprit 'forgot' apparently.. They won't do it again! My 18 month old monkey can turn it on though if she wants to.. she is barred from the kitchen unless supervised.. she prefers to raid the cereal.

Birthday candles, I rely on my siblings or son who smoke to provide the flames.

We narrowly escaped a fire from OH's dodgy power supply to his laptop too.. singed the fabric it was sitting on and smoked beautifully... it happens all too easily.

conradmum wrote: »

Not long after we moved into our previous house, our neighbour set her kitchen on fire. She came in all panicked, asking if we had a fire extinguisher. My husband works with electronics so luckily we had. He went in but by then the kitchen was full of smoke. We told her to phone the fire brigade, so she picked up the phone and ...phoned her husband to ask him if she should phone the fire brigade. I asked her if she's got the children out of the house. No, they were watching TV in the living room.

Maybe she shouldn't be left home alone? Age doesn't necessarily breed common sense.

Many of our parents generation were working full time jobs at 15. Many of their parents' generation were entrusted with important tasks much younger. I don't think today's children have suddenly evolved to be less responsible and trustworthy, but clearly they are. What's changed?

Our neighbour did the same but it was their tv set alight. They left a tiny baby in the house.. actually my exmil did too.. she took 1 of the children out and left KH inside lol..

I was very proud of the fact I yelled at my older 2 at home to get the younger ones out of the house while ringing the fire brigade and then I rang my mother once I had got the children across the road out of the way.. By the time she got there I had fire engines an ambulance and half the street babying me. The children, cats, fish and rabbits were all ok but I had smoke inhalation and couldn't stop coughing.

Toto

No, not unless it was a dire emergency

peachyprice wrote: »

So based on that logic we should never leave anyone alone in the house ever, at any age, because we just don't know how they will behave in an emergency.

A 9yo, a 14yo, a 20yo, they can all panic in an emergency, just the same as they can all remain calm, depending on the individual concerned.

Where would you draw the line if even your 14yo can't be trusted alone?

I would draw the line by not leaving a child alone. What others do is really up to them but I would not feel comfortable with leaving someone so young to fend for themselves.

Toto

No, not unless it was a dire emergency

conradmum wrote: »

Not long after we moved into our previous house, our neighbour set her kitchen on fire. She came in all panicked, asking if we had a fire extinguisher. My husband works with electronics so luckily we had. He went in but by then the kitchen was full of smoke. We told her to phone the fire brigade, so she picked up the phone and ...phoned her husband to ask him if she should phone the fire brigade. I asked her if she's got the children out of the house. No, they were watching TV in the living room.

Maybe she shouldn't be left home alone? Age doesn't necessarily breed common sense.

Many of our parents generation were working full time jobs at 15. Many of their parents' generation were entrusted with important tasks much younger. I don't think today's children have suddenly evolved to be less responsible and trustworthy, but clearly they are. What's changed?

So, prior to this incident did you think this woman was an unfit mum who couldn't look after the kids? Did you feel she was likely to be a danger? I'd guess not as you seem surprised by her reaction. This goes along with my point that you can never judge how someone is likely to react in an emergency, some people behave completely out of character. I see it at work, often.

I really don't hold with the 'how things used to be' argument. We used to send children down mines and up chimneys. We used to whip them if they didn't behave. At one point in time children were hung for stealing food. We don't do those things now because times change and we evolve.

lostinrates

Kayalana99 wrote: »

A quick google of 'burgulars and 10 year olds left alone' comes up with many hits & news stories and even one of the burglar knocking on the door (to check no one is home) before trying to enter the house.

What about stats for crimes and accidents where children were with their parents? Is there such a comparison?

Kayalana99

lostinrates wrote: »

What about stats for crimes and accidents where children were with their parents? Is there such a comparison?

Thats missing the point entirely.

No parent would want thier child alone during a robbery. We have a duty to protect them and under NO circumstance should they have to face that alone.

Lunar_Eclipse

sparrer wrote: »

As there isn't a' no, not ever' option I had to vote 'Other, please state'. There are no circumstances that would cause me to leave my 9 y/o alone. If people can't accept their responsibilities as parents don't have children. Simples.

Presumably that opinion is based on 9 year olds that you know, but fails to acknowledge the many who are more mature and responsible than average adults. I know a fair number like that, admittedly mainly girls (not that I believe it is gender influenced.)

I think there is such a wide variation in child behaviour (and parenting styles/expectations) that it's understandable for us not to grasp the extremes, based on our own children and their peers. I don't understand why a parent would fear for their house and its contents if they left their 9 year old alone in it, in the same way someone else might fail to understand how a 9 year old could cook a family meal and do the ironing.

peachyprice

Toto wrote: »

I would draw the line by not leaving a child alone. What others do is really up to them but I would not feel comfortable with leaving someone so young to fend for themselves.

But you did, you left your 14yo child alone, and she didn't cope. So at what age do you wish you had left it until before leaving her alone. At what age your you think your daughter specifically would have coped?